Sportress of Blogitude


Dennis Miller’s Career Just Got Piledriven Straight Through Rock Bottom


Oh, how the once mighty have horribly fallen. It appears that Dennis Miller is willing to prostitute himself and his brand out for just about anything – as long as he gets a paycheck – because the comic hosted something called “The Slammy Awards” on WWE Raw on Monday night.

I know! I cannot believe I missed it, too! Stupid DVR. Or something.

For those who do not rigorously follow the crazy-frenetic world of professional wrestling (including myself – I’m far too busy trying to get my home-based latch-hooking business off the ground), the “Slammy Awards” are the too-good-to-be-true awards gala where:

…awards, similar to the Academy and Grammy Awards, are given to professional wrestlers. There have been five editions of the concept, the first edition aired in 1986, with another airing in 1987, and after a nine year hiatus, the concept resumed in 1996 and 1997. The concept yet again endured another long hiatus, until a special edition aired in 2008. The recipient of the award receives a statuette that depicts one wrestler holding another over his head.

Dear God. What’s next? Awards shows for the best commercials of the year??? What? They do? Huh.

The ridiculous nature of an awards show for professional wrestling aside, the fact that Dennis Miller – the Dennis Miller – stooped to hosting the back-alley abortion of a concept. It seems like yesterday – okay, a little further back than that – Miller was riding high, coasting on the success he enjoyed as the host of “Weekend Update” on Saturday Night Live, which he parlayed into the wildly-successful Dennis Miller Live on HBO, which he utilized to make the jump to the booth on Monday Night Football, a brilliant success which then opened up even more career options.

(deep breath)

Miller next tried is hand at straight-forward political talk show in 2004, Dennis Miller, on CNBC. Achieving all that he wanted to do with that vehicle, in 2006, Miller took a trip down the dial to FoxNews, appearing on several of the network’s flagship shows, displaying that after all these years, he still had that sardonic wit.

Further displaying his range, Miller was a co-host of the game show Grand Slam on the Game Show Network in 2007 and also hosted the critically-acclaimed Amne$ia on NBC, which never go the chance to find its audience, getting canceled after one month.

You know, on second thought, Miller’s trip to rock bottom wasn’t as quick as I suspected. It wasn’t a piledriver that got him there, it was more like Miller’s career was put in a slow, methodical sleeper hold and was ultimately forced into submission over the period of 15 years.

But how did he fare during his gig hosting “The Slammy Awards” you ask? Fortunately, Ring Posts, the professional wrestling blog found on The Baltimore Sun‘s website and written by Kevin Eck, has the inside scoop.

On Raw, Miller was awful from the second he walked onto the stage, as he delivered a monologue that stunk worse than Big Dick Johnson’s gym socks. Miller’s “jokes” were met with total silence – well, unless you count the forced chuckles coming from the announce table. I was begging for Abraham Washington to come out and save the show.

Not only was the material not funny, but the political nature of it was inappropriate for the setting. Miller, a conservative, took shots at President Obama, Nancy Pelosi and Michael Moore. He also told Al Sharpton to “suck it” and ridiculed the concept of global warming. The lone joke poking fun at Republicans was visual, as the heads of George Bush and Dick Cheney were superimposed on the bodies of DX. Of course that’s not a personal attack like the other stuff, but I guess that’s what Miller, a regular contributor on Fox News Channel, considers fair and balanced.

It’s ironic that in a skit with Chris Jericho later on the show, Miller said that Jericho was “an energy black hole” and that he “sucks the vibe out of the show in favor of his agenda.”

If the late, great Gorilla Monsoon were alive today, he no doubt would have said “you resemble that remark” to Miller.

Oh snap! I haven’t seen someone take such a vicious bite out of something since George “The Animal” Steele was gnawing on turnbuckles.

Raw: Slammy Awards host Dennis Miller still ruining Monday night broadcasts [Ring Posts]