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This Time, ESPN Has Gone Too Far

espn ornament

Sweet Christ, ESPN insists on having its greasy little paws in just about everything these days, but did they really have to go this far and try to ruin everyone’s Christmas?

Behold, nonbelievers: ESPN: The Ornament.

The Boston Herald had a story over the weekend about the ornament (via Awful Announcing):

Who knew Santa had time during his busy night to bring us the top 10 video highlights from the world of sports?

With the SportsCenter theme just a button push away, Santa sits at the SportsCenter anchor desk with a script ready and coffee in an ESPN mug nearby in a new holiday ornament from Hallmark Keepsake. ($16.50) When the audio button at the base of the ornament is pressed, the show’s theme music plays and Santa says snippets of his sports report.

You have got to be shitting me. Who in their right mind would want one of these? Better yet, who would be willing to humiliate themselves and walk into a Hallmark or Kohl’s store and purchase one of them? I don’t care if for some reason or another you find yourself with a half-witted,  mouth-breathing, ham-fisted  mongoloid on your holiday shopping list that would actually want one of these abominations, don’t go and buy one. This will not stand. This affront to Christmas will not stand, man.

Really, I could go on and mock and ridicule this product further, but I just don’t have the energy. I will only add this: just make it stop. If there is a God above, please make it stop.

ESPN “The Ornament” [Awful Announcing]
Santa the highlight of new ornaments from EPSN and Hallmark [Boston Herald]