Sportress of Blogitude

BREAKING NEWS!!!! The Baseball Career Of Barry Bonds May In Fact Be Over!

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Holy crap on a cracker! Just when you think everything makes sense in this whacked-out, topsy-turvy world, the Fates throw you a curveball like this:

According to Jeff Borris, the esteemed agent of one Barry Bonds, the playing days of one of the most polarizing figures in the history of Major League Baseball are, for all intents and purposes, more than likely over.

WHA???

Bonds last played in a Major League game in 2007 and in 23 seasons, had 762 homers and 1,996 RBI. So what gives? Preach on, Mr. Borris.

“It’s two years since he played his last game, and if there was any chance he’d be back in a major league uniform, it would have happened by now,” Borris tells The Chronicle. “When 2008 came around, I couldn’t get him a job. When 2009 came around, I couldn’t get him a job. Now, 2010 … I’d say it’s nearly impossible. It’s an unfortunate ending to a storied career.”

All Bonds wanted was a chance, but they wouldn’t give it to him! Who are they, you ask? Simple. Everybody. Everybody is against Barry Bonds – especially the powers-that-be in the upper echelon of the MLB. But you know what? Borris still believes in his client, which is strange when you think about it. Why would an agent want one of their clients to sign a contract unless they truly believe that their meal ticket – ahem – a deserving and quality human being has got what it takes? And do you know what? Bonds still has got the goods.

“I’m sure if they gave him two weeks in a cage, he’d be hitting amongst the best in the game right now,” Borris said. “But Major League Baseball will never give him that chance.”

Ohhhhh, I get it. Barry’s back on the juice. Good to know. And do you know what else? In Borris’ unbiased opinion, there is no reason why Bonds, now 45,  couldn’t continue to play – and excel – for another decade.

“If they would have let Barry play baseball until his on-base percentage dropped below .400, he probably would’ve been playing until he was 56,” Borris said.

56? Keep drinking that Barry Bonds Kool-Aid, Mr. Borris. But if I were you, I’d make sure it wasn’t causing your cranium to expand.

And yes – if THEY would have let him. That’s the funny things about cabals. They are efficient, cutthroat and always accomplish what they set out to do. A bunch of meanies, they are.

Bonds’ agent concedes slugger’s playing days are over [San Francisco Chronicle]