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Olympics

Canadian Curling Tournaments Have The Coolest Names And Best Sponsors

Roar of the Rings

I don’t know much about the mysterious country of Canadia – few people do, with the country all tucked up behind the Canuckistanian Mountains in the Canarctic Circle up there – but I can tell you this: they love their curling.

For the uninitiated, the Canuckistanians are currently holding their Olympic Trials at Rexall Place in Edmonton. It is quite the big deal and the Great People of the North affectionately – and cleverly – refer to the grand event as Roar of the Rings. ROAR!

Here’s a little taste of what you’re missing:

Cheryl Bernard came from a deficit to take control of her match against Shannon Kleibrink, winning 8-5. Kleibrink scored a clutch shot to tie the score in the ninth, threading between defenders to finish on the button. Bernard used the hammer in the tenth to score three points.

That’s right, kiddos. The cold-hearted curler busted out the hammer! WHAM! Whatever that means.

Further, what makes this event so interesting is the choice of sponsor: Tim Hortons. In case you are a xenophobic nutjob with no idea what is going on in other places in the world, Tim Hortons is one of things that makes Canadians most proud. You see, it is a chain eatery best known for its donuts and coffee, among other tasty, delectable treats. Think of it as a Dunkin’ Donuts, only more Canadian-ey-ey.

And so there you have it, folks: a quick tour of Canuckistanian culture. Consider it a public service from yours truly. Because, you know, I care and stuff.

Bernard keeps control at Roar of the Rings [CTV Olympics]