Sportress of Blogitude


Is That…Is That Mark Cuban’s Music??


It’s something like this that would actually compel me to watch professional wrestling.

Mark Cuban will be the guest host on WWE Raw when the traveling sideshow sets up the squared circle in Cuban’s American Airlines Arena in Dallas on December 7th. As guest host, Cuban is allowed to get involved in storylines and subplots during the show, but WWE wrestler Cody Rhodes, son of legendary wrestler Dusty Rhodes, would like Cuban to take it up a notch, put on some tights and actually participate in a match.

“We’ve had some guest hosts like Bob Barker who couldn’t get in the ring, but Mark Cuban is a pretty active guy,” Rhodes said. “I suggest that if he wants to get some payback on [Orton], he bring a couple of Cowboys or Mavericks to the ring on Monday and put his money where his mouth is. We’ll have an old-fashioned six-man tag match.”

When discussing Cuban wanting revenge on Orton, Rhodes is referring to a “totally real” altercation between Cuban and wrestler Randy Orton in 2003 during the WWE’s Survivor Series. According to the always-reliable Wikipedia, the Mavericks owner “was involved in an (kayfabe) altercation with Eric Bischoff. When Bischoff threatened to call security or physically escort Cuban out the building, Cuban shoved Bischoff, knocking him from his feet. When Cuban turned around, he was attacked by Randy Orton with an RKO.”

Whoa. I’m not sure what all that means, but it probably sounds a lot more interesting than it probably played out. But for you readers who are curious, a kayfabe is:

“…the portrayal of events within the industry as “real.” That is, the portrayal of professional wrestling as being genuine or not worked. Referring to events or interviews as being a “work” means that the event/interview has been “kayfabed” or staged, and/or is part of a wrestling angle while being passed off as legitimate.”

So, if I understand this correctly, and I doubt I do, a kayfabe is a fake portrayal of a real event in wrestling, which is fake, but is supposed to be understood as real, even though it’s really fake, but is actually real? Head asplodes!

This all reminds me of when George explains to Jerry how Kramer’s “The Real Peterman Reality Bus Tour” is really real. But I digress.

Moving on, in case anyone is wondering, an RKO is a jumping cutter, Randy Orton’s signature move. Here’s the definition of a jumping cutter:

This is a variation of a standard cutter, but instead of running forward, the wrestler jumps level to their opponent’s head while parallel to the ground, applying a three-quarter facelock and then slams the opponent’s head to the mat or to the shoulder of the attacker.

Alrighty then.  I just dropped a buttload of wrestling knowledge on you guys, but don’t worry, there won’t be a test. And apologies for all the Wikipedia stuff, but when you think about it, what better place to get information about a fake sport than Wikipedia? It all makes sense now, right?

Now, where was I? Oh yeah, Mark Cuban. And instead of explaining Cuban’s previous experiences in professional wrestling, how about a video?

After seeing that, I really, really want to see Cuban step into the ring again. And even though Cuban hasn’t said whether he will or he won’t – because that wouldn’t allow the drama and intrigue to breathe – his response to Rhodes’ challenge didn’t rule it out:

“What makes them think I would need any help? Orton got lucky one time. It won’t happen again.”

Oooooh, that’s some serious smack talk! And if that doesn’t pump you up, how about the promo?

Indeed, Cuban is as unpredictable as they come – anything could happen! As long as it’s in the script, that is.

WWE wrestler challenges Dallas Mavericks’ Cuban to match [Dallas Morning News]