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The United Football League: As Profitable As It Is Entertaining

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In the wake of the UFL’s climactic finale over the weekend when the Las Vegas Locomotives defeated the Florida Tuskers 20-17 in the championship game, sad financial news reared its ugly head and took a steaming piss on any goodwill that may have come from the inaugural season of the upstart football league. According to the Sports Business Journal (via The Huddle), the UFL lost $30 million in its first year – $6 million more than was originally projected.

So wait. Investors knew they were going to lose money, but continued on with it anyway? Who are these people, the same folks who manage my retirement accounts, if I had any?

Never fear, UFL fans: the League will carry on – so says UFL commissioner Michael Huyghue. In fact, the league intends to lose even more people money next year, if they can somehow manage to hoodwink more investors into expanding to such can’t-miss locales like Austin, Texas, Salt Lake City, Omaha or Portland, Oregon. I can smell the burning piles of cash as I type!

First and foremost, the plan is to relocate the franchises currently located in San Francisco and New York due to the competition of NFL franchises in those cities. The New York franchise will relocate in Hartford and the San Francisco franchise will pick up shop and head to the open arms of Sacramento.

“It makes more sense to play there and not go head-to-head with the NFL,” Huyghue told the paper. “We thought we might be able to carve out a niche in those two areas as an alternative to the NFL, but it didn’t work out.”

And although the financial losses were to be expected given the circumstances, the fact that they lost more money than originally anticipated will not deter Mr. Huyghue:

“We were prepared for that. The plan is through better marketing, higher attendance, more corporate sponsors and improved television ratings that we’ll cut our losses in half next year and hopefully break even in year three.”

So if all four things go totally great, the UFL might, just might, break even in year three.

Shoot for the stars, UFL. You’re fledgling league is like the train from The Little Engine That Could story. You know, before it decided to give up the dream of being a commercial train to star in gay train porn. At least that’s how I heard that story. I had a weird babysitter, though.

SBJ: UFL lost $30 million in inaugural season; vows expansion in year two [The Huddle]
Ladies And Gentlemen, Allow Me To Present Your UFL Champions, The Las Vegas Locomotives [Deadspin]