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Would It Make Sense To Refer To This Incident As An Example Of A De(er)-Cleating?

Only in Ohio. This has been all over the place already, but above is a news report regarding how Brandon Hiles, a 7-year-old boy, was attacked by a deer during a game of football only to be rescued by 9-year-old Wyatt Pugh, who brandished a stick to scare off the buck who, according to this report, was “coming into rut,” which means the male is starting to get aggressive for what I assume must have something to do with wanting to bang a doe, a deer, a female deer.

Said little Brandon Hiles, who I am sure will be terrified of any four-legged animal for the rest of his life:

“We were playing football and the ball rolled down into the woods. I went to go get it and the deer starting charging at me,” he said.

But good friend Wyatt wasn’t going to take any shit from no deer.

“I started running, but then I looked back and he was getting attacked and I grabbed a stick and started beating it,” Pugh said.

If I were the sentimental sort, this is where I would embed the video for “That’s What Friends Are For” by Dionne Warwick. Thankfully, for the sake of your sanity and the box of Kleenex on your desk, I am not. Come on, you know that song always makes you cry.

There are two things I find absolutely hilarious about the television report:

  1. Why do they keep showing the video of the deer interposed with the kids playing football? Is this supposed to help us created a mental picture of what happened? “You know, I see the kids playing football, but I can’t imagine how a deer fits into the story.” (video of deer is shown) “Ohhhhhh…I get it. It was a deer!”
  2. Thankfully, they had the grandmother of the victim demonstrate how she called 911. “She called 911? I don’t believe it!” (shows grandmother demonstrating how she dialed 911) “Ohhhhh, I get it. She dialed the numbers 9-1-1 into her phone and then the phone company connected her to 911!”

Let this all be a lesson to you backyard football players: don’t ever fuck around when a deer is present. If your ball rolls into the woods and you see a buck, let the ball go. Nothing good can come of it. Go get another one. Better yet, go inside and play video games. You aren’t going to get hurt sitting in front of the television. These kids need to start being more lazy.

Deer Tackles Boy Playing Backyard Football; NFL Fines Deer For Dangerous Hit [Second-String Fullback]
9 Year Old Boy Rescues 7 Year Old Friend from Deer Attack [EcoWorld]