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Billy Crystal Becomes Honorary Dallas Cowboy, Raises Already Staggering Douchebag Quotient

billy crystal

“Entertainer” Billy Crystal donned a Tony Romo jersey and joined several Dallas Cowboys players, including Jason Whitten and DeMarcus Ware, to help serve a Thanksgiving dinner to over 200 men and women at The Salvation Army’s homeless shelter in Dallas on Tuesday. A nice gesture, of course, and Crystal should be commended for his charitable works, but man, I can’t stand the insufferable hack. As far as I’m concerned, Billy Crystal hasn’t done anything remotely amusing since “Fernando’s Hideawayon Saturday Night Live and even that skit was a played out.

Crystal is in town to perform in his Broadway show 700 Sundays, whose title illustrates the length of time I would rather be brutally tortured before I would ever go see a Broadway show starring Billy Crystal.

Nah, just kidding. I’m sure Crystal delivers a decent performance – a decently awful one. Crystal, a Long Beach native, jokingly expressed his concerns about donning a Cowboys jersey, saying, “[t]his isn’t going to play well in New Jersey.”

Guess what, Billy? And by the way, what normal, reasonable, adult male goes by Billy? Well, except for Billy Joel. And Billy Idol. And Billy Corgan. And Billy Ray Cyrus. Alright, what normal, reasonable, adult male who isn’t a washed-up musician goes by Billy?

Back to my point. No one cares whether or not you put on a Cowboys jersey, Billy. It’s over. Give up the ghost, dude. Is he concerned that Giants or Jets fans are going to stage a protest at the Meadowlands protesting what he did or something? Not going to happen. Just end it, Billy.

Hey, that reminds me. Billy Mays is another example. And look what happened to him.

Cowboys serve early Thanksgiving meal [The Dallas Morning News]