Sportress of Blogitude

Maybe The Maestro Told Sammy Sosa To Put The Balm On

sammy-sosa-skin

Sammy Sosa has attributed the freakishly ashen skin he has been showing off lately to a facial cream he has been using to soften his skin and blamed some of the appearance on the lighting when the photo was taken. In an interview with Spanish language television station Univision, Sosa stated that:

“It’s a bleaching cream that I apply before going to bed and whitens my skin some,” Sosa told Univision’s “Primer Impacto” program in an interview. “It’s a cream that I have, that I use to soften [my skin], but has bleached me some. I’m not a racist, I live my life happily.”

“What happened was that I had been using the cream for a long time and that, combined with the bright TV lights, made my face look whiter than it really is,” Sosa told Univision. “I don’t think I look like Michael Jackson.”

Skin rejuvenation or not, whoever told Sosa to use the cream gave him some bad advice. Can you imagine what Sosa’s good buddy, Mark McGwire would have to say about this? What if McGwire was trying to help Sosa out and land him a job on the St. Louis Cardinals coaching staff. This issue will not help that along, that’s for sure…

MARK: You put the balm on? Who told you to put the balm on? I didn’t tell you to put the balm on. Why’d you put the balm on? You haven’t even been to see the doctor. If your gonna put a balm on, let a doctor put a balm on.

SAMMY: I guess I screwed up, huh, Mark?

MARK: You’re damn right you screwed up. Where the hell did you get that damm balm anyway?

SAMMY: The Maestro.

MARK: The who? What are you talking about Maestro?

SAMMY: My friend, he’s a conductor.

MARK: Oh oh oh, so a Maestro tells you to put a balm on and you do it?

SAMMY: Well, my skin was dry and flaking.

MARK: I tell you what this is. This is a public humiliation.

SAMMY: Well I didn’t know the balm was gonna work.

MARK: Do you know what a balm is? Have you ever seen a balm? Didn’t you read the instructions?

SAMMY: Well I …

MARK: (interrupts) No one can tell what a balm’s gonna do. They’re unpredictable.

SAMMY: I’m sorry Mark.

Yeah, I know, that’s some weak sauce right there. But with the way the day has been going, I’m surprised I was able to finish this post without my computer exploding.

Sammy Sosa says facial cream caused his skin to become lighter [Sporting News]