Sportress of Blogitude

Off Topic

Off Topic: Dumbest Criminals Ever? Dumbest Criminals Ever

masks

Clearly, this has nothing to do with sports (hence the “Off Topic” in the title), but this story is a doozy.

Above are the mugshots for one Matthew Allen McMcNelly, 23, and Joey Lee Miller, 20, two chromosomally-challenged half-wits who were arrested last Friday night in connection with an attempted robbery at an apartment building in Carroll, Iowa. Police were responding to report concerning said attempted burglary when they happened upon a vehicle matching the description of the suspected getaway car, which police promptly pulled over.

Inside the car, officers found two men with their faces blackened with permanent marker. Police said the caller described two men with painted faces attempting to break into an apartment Friday night before driving off.

Matthew McNelly, 23, and Joey Miller, 20, were arrested at gunpoint after officers were told they might be armed. Neither man had a weapon. McNelly and Miller were each charged with attempted second-degree burglary. Both men were released after posting bond.

Yeah, that’s friggin’ brilliant, guys. Obviously, McNelly and Miller aren’t the brightest bulbs in the drawer, but what I suspect, which may come as a total shock, is who I suspect is behind their lame-brained burglary attempt:

caitlinmorecock

Caitlin Davis. That woman is a goddamned menace.

In retrospect, I guess this post is at least tangentially related to sports. Only because I made it so. That’s why I get paid the big bucks, folks.

Burglary suspects wear permanent marker [MSNBC/AP]
Patriots Other Young Cheerleader Follows Well-Traveled Path to Stardom [Deadspin]