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The New York Post Is Awesome

hundley

Of course, we all know by now the sordid details surrounding Steve Phillips dalliances with Brooke Hundley, so there is no need to go into them here. However, the Post just published a report about Miss Hundley returning to her Connecticut apartment. Of course, the Post has been staking out her residence since Tuesday, so they were there to document the event. The news itself isn’t really that interesting, but the Post writers do what any good journalist does with a so-so news item: spice it up with some illustrative language the following passages from the report describing the event are deliciously demeaning and that same time hilarious:

Brooke Hundley, the shlubby seductress whose tawdry trysts with fellow ESPN employee Steve Phillips helped wreck his marriage, finally returned to her Connecticut home yesterday where she picked up some fresh clothes, gave the media the “finger” and then sped off back into hiding.

“Don’t touch me,” snarled Hundley, 22, to photographers as they snapped her picture when she exited her apartment.

Hundley had disappeared from public sight Tuesday night when The Post confronted her at her Bristol residence, which is near ESPN headquarters, to ask the portly production assistant about her affair with the handsome married baseball analyst Phillips.

She waddled out about two hours later, wearing a black coat and the same baseball cap, to hop into the car. She peeled off after extending her middle finger to a group of reporters and photographers, and raced through before getting onto I-84 headed toward Waterbury.

The use of “schlubby”, “portly” and “waddled” makes me feel like I was actually there watching the porker’s activities. If they only could have incorporated “sow”, “trough” and “would appear perfectly normal with an apple stuffed in her mouth” into the narrative. That would have really completed the picture.

Thanks, New York Post. Top-notch work.

ESPN’s Steve Phillips’ mistress returns to Connecticut home [New York Post]