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SI’s Cheerleader Of The Week Kristen Might Be A Nasty Girl, Have Lecherous Father

Kristen 2

Usually, when I write something about an SI Cheerleader of the Week, more often than not the primary area of discussion tends to revolve around their, ahem, physical attributes. Today we’re going in a different direction.

It’s not that Kristen Bolinger, a junior majoring in Communications-Public Relations at North Carolina State University, is not a cute girl, it’s just that the answers she provided to the questionnaire that SI gives each cheerleader were so darn compelling. You can go look at her photos on Extra Mustard anyway, pervs.

Let’s have a look-see, shall we?

Kristen

I love my school, but I almost went to: Elon University but when the opportunity to cheer for the Wolfpack came about, I knew I could never pass that up!

What is Elon University and why would someone want to go there? It sounds made up. Come on, Kristen, just admit that North Carolina State was the only school that accepted you.

My best physical feature is: My Papa would say my smile. He takes over 100 pictures of the team a game and still can’t believe I am a N.C. State cheerleader.

Now who is this Papa? Her dad? Are there really children who still call their fathers “Papa”? And is her “Papa,” whoever he is, taking pictures of the football (I’m assuming she’s a cheerleader for football) team or the cheerleading team? Because either way, it’s kind of creepy.

If I had to watch one movie on loop forever, it would be: Cruel Intentions! My best friend Sam and I have watched it more than 25 times together!

Nice. Is Sam a boy or a girl? If Sam is a girl, do they reenact the makeout scene between Sarah Michelle Gellar and Selma Blair? If so, is there video? Papa wants to know.

If you looked at the “most played” songs on my iPod, you’d see a lot of: Everything! I love anything you can sing really loud to or dance to.

Not to be argumentative, but couldn’t a person sing really loud or dance to any song that has ever been performed? Except for Boz Scaggs – you gotta let that shit breathe, man. No singing or moving!

The shows I DVR/TiVo are: Chelsea Lately, Family Guy, The Rachel Zoe Project, and Toddlers & Tiaras.

Interesting mix. I can appreciate a girl who digs Family Guy. It shows she she has no respect herself. Just kidding. I love Family Guy, although I have no respect for myself, either. Huh.

My favorite Web Sites are: Facebook, eBay, and of course YouTube. I am well known on the team for my YouTube video reenactments.

I bet she does a mean “Chocolate Rain.” But what I want to know is how good are her Kige Ramsey reenactments? Because if she doesn’t have wood paneling, my guess is it’s hard to pull off.

My favorite people to follow on Twitter are: My teammates.

Just like Papa!

My worst habit is: Biting my cheek when I get nervous, my mom hates it!

Papa hates that too. Okay, that’s about enough jokes about Papa.

My game day superstitions are: No one is allowed to talk about anyone getting hurt or our team losing. If I hear them, I immediately run to our wooden push up board and knock on wood. This usually happens multiple times a game.

Do you know what else happens multiple times a game? Her Pa…nevermind.

The talent I’d most like to have that I don’t possess is: I would love to be able to surf.

Same answer as Charlie.

These three things top my bucket list: Go on an African Safari, snorkel the Great Barrier reef, and visit each of the seven continents.

There’s seven continents now? This geography book I bought from a traveling Creationist salesman is worthless!

I’d want my last meal to be: It’s a toss up between my grandma’s spaghetti and my mom’s taco dip. They are both so good!

Why not have both? Nobody said you could only have one. But can taco dip alone truly be considered a meal? I guess if you add some tortilla chips…

The most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to me during a game is: I slipped in some mud on the sideline at one game and ended up on my face.

That wasn’t mud!

Three things I’d take to a deserted island are: My family, a lifetime supply of Mr. Goodbars and my iPod.

Her answer reminds me of that episode of Gilligan’s Island. You know the one: when they are trying to get off the island.

My favorite pro sports teams are: The Dallas Cowboys. My life aspiration is to be a member of the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleading team.

Her answer here failed as bad as when Tony Romo tries to figure out what down it is.

My one guilty pleasure is: Eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch in the middle of the night.

Mine is watching N.C. State cheerleaders eating Cinammon Toast Crunch in the middle of the night. Oops. I’ve said too much.

My celebrity crush is: Will Smith. He is so funny and handsome!

So, I assume she was also a huge fan of the late Charles Nelson Reilly, God rest his soul.

Five people I’d like to have dinner with (living or dead) are: Chelsea Handler, Oprah Winfrey, Anderson Cooper, Bono and Nelson Mandela.

I don’t know. I can think of one person on that list that would probably say something dreadfully inappropriate, And don’t even get me started on Chelsea Handler.

My friends would be surprised to know that I: Don’t have binocular vision. It affects my depth perception. That would probably help explain my scary driving.

Interesting story. She was watching a “Mr. No-Depth Perception” sketch from SNL on television and thought it was hilarious until she accidentally rammed her head through the screen.

The next risk I want to take is: Trying out for the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleading Team.

Chase your dreams, Kristen. But just for a little while. And then give up.

The worst date I’ve ever been on was: Luckily I haven’t had a bad one yet.

If that is the case Kristen, do you have any plans for tomorrow night?

Cheerleader of the Week: N.C. State’s Kristen [Extra Mustard]