Sportress of Blogitude

Wrong Wrong Wrong

The Rock + Tooth Fairy Costume + Minor League Hockey = Comedy Gold?

toothposter

Now, I’m not very good at word math, but something ain’t right with the above equation. But once again, showing the no one in Hollywood has a good idea ever anymore, above is the movie poster for Disney’s upcoming cinematic afterbirth, The Tooth Fairy. A synopsis, via Rotten Tomatoes:

After the success of THE GAME PLAN, Dwayne Johnson returns to family comedy with this film that has the brawny ex-wrestler forced to be a tooth fairy. Kids and parents alike will surely giggle at the thought of The Rock in a tutu. Ashley Judd costars, with Michael Lembeck (THE SANTA CLAUSE 2) at the helm.

Ashley Judd is in it too? Awesome! Every movie she’s in is sure to be a hit – in Kentucky. Also starring in the train wreck is Julie Andrews and Billy Crystal. W00T!

Via Puck Daddy, here is what The Rock had to say to Parade Magazine (I read it so I can clip out The Lockhorns comic strips and tape them up in my office) about his most recent attempt at taking a steaming shit all over the history of Hollywood:

Any time that I can put on a tutu with wings and have my magic fairy dust and collect teeth and have Julie Andrews as my fairy godmother and Billy Crystal as one of my other tooth fairies — It comes down to material. And you always look for good material that’s going to entertain the audiences. I jumped at playing the Tooth Fairy because it’s an opportunity to show the world, for the very first time, a movie about a character that’s been around for centuries. And it reminds me of like Miracle on 34th Street, you know, where you introduced the world to Santa Claus or what our vision of the world of Santa Claus is going to be. This is our version of introducing the world to the Tooth Fairy.

Huh. Indeed. Perhaps the reason no one has made a movie about the Tooth Fairy is because it is a COMPLETELY RETARDED CONCEPT!

I can picture the meeting where some moron made a pitch for the movie:

Pitchman: Okay, hold on to your socks for this one. Get this: a rough and tumble minor league hockey player is turned into the Tooth Fairy to right a wrong.

Disney Studio Guy: Hmmmm…interesting. But I ‘m not really feeling this idea. There’s something missing…

Pitchman: Did I tell you Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is interested?

Disney Studio Guy: We’re getting closer…has Randy Newman signed on to do the soundtrack?

Pitchman: Who?

Disney Studio Guy: Randy Newman! Only the finest composer in the history of cinema!

Pitchman: Uhh, no…but I’ll get in touch with him.

Disney Studio Guy: You get Newman, and we’re making a movie.

I for one, am looking forward to The Rock’s next project, when he introduces the world to a watchable movie with him starring in it. Yeah, like that is ever going to happen.

Yes, it’s The Rock as a hockey-playing Tooth Fairy [Puck Daddy]
Dwayne Johnson Takes on The Tooth Fairy [Parade]