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If The Sportress Were A Galaxy-Class Starship, A Disastrous Warp Core Breach Was Just Barely Averted



The Sportress is a sturdy and reliable ship, but even with the supercache running at full bore yesterday; it could not withstand the force of the attack on its defenses by the Hotclickulans. The crew braced for the worst as a barrage of referrers rained down upon its hull, sending the Sportress into a chaotic deadspin. We were nearing total annihilation, a warp core breach was imminent-  antimatter containment was lost and the core was hemorrhaging coolant. From the Bridge, I initiated an emergency core shutdown, leaving the Sportress running only on auxiliary power. The ship was left vulnerable to further attacks, but we were at least safe for the moment.

I retired to the captain’s ready room to assess the damage. The situation was dire indeed. Fortunately, I had assembled a capable crew that was not short on ingenuity and valor. I was fortunate to have the services of a visitor to my ship, Commander Jerry Thompson, of Cando Entertainment, who served as a valued counselor. He came with a reputation of being a proven tactician and was well-decorated, as illustrated by his leadership of Twitrpix. I gratefully relied upon his expertise.

And without the service of my Chief Engineer Bradley La Forge, a skilled and crafty technician whose problem-solving abilities were only exceeded by his tenacious demeanor, the Sportress may have never survived. He sought neither glory nor recognition; simply the knowledge of being part of a job well done was reward enough for him.

But I would like to point out that every member of my crew displayed incredible bravery and tremendous support. I would like to commend each and every one of them, although there are far too many to list here.

After many trials, successes followed by failures followed by more successes, we have restored total power to the Sportress and it is now running at full operating capacity. The crew and I have learned from this near disaster and have taken the necessary precautions which should prevent such a grievous event from ever occurring again.

But in the end, we are here for this continuing mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new dick jokes and new hot female tennis players, to boldly go where no blog has gone before.

Goddamn, what a friggin’ nerd. Even I feel like a neo maxi zoom dweebie after writing that one.

Nevertheless, the purpose of this post was to not only thank everyone who assisted me with getting SOB back online, but to all of you who sent your well-wishes and advice. I sincerely and truly appreciated it.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a date on the Holodeck with Counselor Troi.

See you all tomorrow.