Sportress of Blogitude

College Football

The Pussification Of College Athletics Continues


St. Paul’s College, a division II school in Virginia, had to cancel their first football game of the season this Saturday because of the lamest, wussy excuse I have ever heard:

They don’t have helmets or football pads.

St. Paul’s College has ordered the equipment but it hasn’t arrived yet so the school canceled Saturday’s game against West Virginia Wesleyan, WE athletic director Ken Tyler said Friday.

What? First of all, strap on a set of balls (since they clearly have none) and go out there and play the game like our forefathers did, before Benjamin Franklin insisted that everyone wear helmets while playing football, that bespectacled candy ass. Who cares if the other team is wearing pads? That will just slow them down – that’s an automatic advantage right there.

Secondly, what have they been doing all summer during practices? Obviously not wearing pads and hitting, so what was it? Tiddlywinks? Practicing erotic massage on one another?

The whole world is going to shit and everyone is just sitting back and letting it happen. Me? Well, I have an excuse. I’m scared of the outside world. That’s why I never leave the storage shed. Thank goodness for Wi-Fi.

St. Paul’s cancels game without helmets [ESPN/AP]