Sportress of Blogitude

Jeff Kent Is “Embarrassed” By Steroid Era But Not That Horrible Mustache? What Gives?


Jeff Kent, about to be inducted (?) into (onto?) the San Francisco Giants Wall of Fame on Saturday, seized the moment when someone actually gave a crap about what he thinks and discussed something that has been stuck in his awkwardly-haired craw: having his career associated with the steroid era.

“I am embarrassed by the era that I participated in because of the steroids,” Kent said.

Embarrassed? Kent doesn’t have the faintest idea what embarrassment is – how does he think we feel? Watching himĀ  carry on without a care while that wispy, rodent-haired thing he called a mustache took up space on that smug face of his? Sorry, man, you lose all credibility in being able to determine what constitutes embarrassment.

Yet Kent continues with his crusade against steroids:

“If you cheated the game, there ought to be penalties,” he said. “Maybe I’m standing on my soap box here for the human race, but so many people get away with cheating each other and cheating corporations and cheating business and people turn a blind eye and say it’s OK and they let it go. We should all be held accountable for it.”

Maybe Kent should get off his soapbox and hop into a barber’s chair and have someone shave off that ridiculous mustache before he goes any further. Sure, people have gotten away with cheating by using steroids and are not presently being held accountable for it, but you know what? Jeff Kent has cheated a long line of mustachioed gentlemen and I’m not willing to stand by and let it happen anymore. Now I’m going to hold you accountable, Jeff Kent. If Burt Reynolds, Tom Selleck, Charles Bronson (well, he’s dead), Dale Earnhardt (also dead), Captain Crunch, Geraldo Rivera (alive? dead?), Robert Goulet, Frank Beard, John Waters and especially John Oates aren’t going to stand up for themselves and defend the dignity of sporting a classy patch of hair above one’s lip, I’m willing to take charge.


You shall rue the day you raised my ire, Jeff Kent. It’s time for you to pay the piper for your mustached misdeeds. Your facial hair is an abomination and needs to be dealt with – promptly. Crap, my cousin could grow a better mustache than you and she’s only 12-years-old. Granted, she is Italian and happens to be afflicted with hypertrichosis, but still.

Jeff Kent ‘Embarrassed’ by Steroid Era [Fanhouse]