Stuff To Tune In To And Zone Out On For August 17th

• NFL Preseason Football. Carolina Panthers at New York Giants. All the thrill of regular season football without the excitement. [ESPN, 8:00 ET]

• MLB Baseball. St. Louis Cardinals at Los Angeles Dodgers. What the hell is a Dodger anyway? Is it in reference to some fucking hippie burning his draft card? It better not be. War is hell – you wouldn’t know – you weren’t there. [ESPN2, 10:00 ET]

• See how many times you can rub one out in one evening. Golden Girls marathon. It has already begun and runs until 1:00 a.m. ET. If you happen to go to the store, could you pick me up some baby oil and drop it off at my house? Thank you for being a friend. [WE]

• Methinks I’ll enjoy this series. Clash of the Gods. Episode: “Hades: The mythology behind Hades, ancient Greece’s most feared god, and the Greeks’ belief in life after death.” Kick ass. And no, I don’t think its nerdy to have a healthy interest in Greek Mythology. Bill Moyers and Joseph Campbell were notorious ladykillers in their heyday. [History, 10:00 ET]