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Whimsy

The ESPY Awards Red Carpet Photos: Hot Chicks With Douchebags Edition (UPDATED: EPIC FAIL)

espn1

So, the ESPYs took place last night. Woo-hoo. Seriously, is there an awards show out there that generates less interest? Other than the Grammys, of course. Duh.

Disregarding who won which award (no spoilers!!!), what forward-thinking fashionistos (no homo) like me were interested in was the parade of star athletes moseying on down the red carpet with a little bit of eye candy on their arm. Let’s take a look, shall we?

UPDATED: Thanks to commenter ‘x’ who pointed out that these are from the 2008 ESPY Awards. If you weren’t aware of it by now, I can be a moron sometimes.

Apologies.

beckhams

  • The Beckhams, stylish as ever. Just between you and me, I’m willing to bet top dollar David takes far longer to get ready. Fancy boy.

mannings

  • Oops. This must have been from the red carpet at the Special Olympics awards gala. Apologies.

adriana-marko

  • Like every other man on the face of the earth, I will never understand this – never. Nice ‘stache, Marko.

winslows

  • When I e-mailed Kellen to compliment him on his wardrobe and how great his wife looked, this was his reply:

“Yeah, I don’t give a hell. It’s about these shades, man. I don’t give a flyin’ you-know-what about a suit. I don’t give a damn! It’s war on the red carpet. They don’t give a freakin’ you-know-what about you. They will kill you in People magazine. They’re out there to kill you. So I’m ‘a kill ’em. You write that in the Sportress. You write that. You make money off that. No, man, I’m pissed. All y’all take this down. I’m pissed, man. We don’t care about nobody except this red carpet. We don’t. If I didn’t outdress him, he’d outdress me. They were shootin’ at my legs. I’m ‘a come right back at ’em. I’m a fuckin’ soldier!”

I have no idea what he meant by any of those comments. Moving on…

owens-guest

  • I’m not trying to be mean (I actually am), but it looks like T.O. has never seen The Crying Game. Plus, she reminds me of Trap-Jaw.

brady-quinn

  • What a fine-looking heterosexual couple. But Jim Valvano wouldn’t be caught dead in those pants. What’s that?

And finally:

freeny-leinart

  • Um, which is the douchebag? It’s hard to say. You make the call.