Sportress of Blogitude


Methinks Hydorplane Driver Jean Theoret Doesn’t Understand The Meaning Of The Word “Drowned”

Thunder on the Ohio Boat Race

Hydroplane driver Jean Theoret suffered a brutal crash during racing last Saturday in Madison, Indiana and remains hospitalized. He credits the rescue crews for saving his life despite the fact that, in his words, he “drowned.”

“My mask was broken and the tube was broken off and I was swallowing water. I took two or three gulps of water and I drowned”

Hold on a minute there, buddy. You can’t drown and still be alive. That sort of thing only happens in Tom Hanks movies, like Splash and Cast Away. Even worse, I bet Theoret can’t make head or tails of the song “In The Air Tonight” by Phil Collins.

To be fair, the name Jean Theoret sounds a bit Frenchy, so perhaps there was a breakdown in translation from his native tongue to English, just like when I order French Toast at Denny’s by saying “May I have some le toas de francais?” and the server ends up licking my toes. That’s just awkward, I tell ya. It makes me wonder why I keep going back there and why they even bother posting the “No Shoes, No Shirt, No Service” sign.

Video of the crash and more after the jump.

Hoo boy, that’s a pretty gnarly crash. It’s surprising Theoret is still alive. Yet, like most competitors in sports that people really should take no part in, Theoret is itching to get back on the water and behind the wheel.

“My team has brought me pictures of the accident and have shown me pictures of the progress they have made in repairing the boat. I can’t wait for the doctor’s approval for me to get back to racing.”

I suppose these drivers must understand the inherent risk they take to participate in their sport when the word “hydroplane” is right in the goddamn name.

God bless you and may you have a speedy recovery Mr. Theoret, you goofy, crazy-ass bastard.

Hydros driver Jean Theoret: “I drowned” after boat flip [The Seattle Times]