Last Call With…Carson Daly?
“I am so going to fire my agent. Jesus fucking Christ, man. Bernie Cohen, you have worked your last fucking day as an agent, my friend. When he asked me if I wanted to do “Last Call” tonight with Weed Against Speed, I thought he meant he was finally going to hook me up with some good blow and some sweet nugs for a change. But noooooo, I’m stuck here on this piece of shit blog hosting some sort of groupthink jerkoff for a bunch of goddamn mouthbreathers who have nothing better to do than sit in front of their fucking computers all night. Fuck me running. Fuck.
Do you know who the fuck I am? I am Carson fucking Daly, jagoff. I was banging Jennifer Love Hewitt and Tara Reid before they got fat and their titties got all screwed up. I was the host of Total fucking Request Live, motherfucker, I was finger-banging Christina Aguilera while getting my asshole eaten out by Britney Spears before the herp set in on both those skanks. Fuck this noise, man. Now I host a little show on NBC called Last Call with Carson Daly. You ever heard of it? No? Fuck.
Alright, we might as well get to the menu, since that’s probably a job skill I’ll need after I’m spit out the bottom of the gay porn industry.
- First Derivative on poker. Good stuff. [The Phoenix Pub]
- Rockabye points out where Will Leitch went wrong in his “Ten Humans” post today on Deadspin. [The Rookies]
- Saberhagendaaz has the exclusive pics of the newest additions to the Matthew Broderick/Sarah Jessica Parker home. [Style Points]
- samerochocinco wants Michael Vick back. [Second-String Fullback]
The Main Course
- Kids in the Hall: “Head Crusher Takes On A Gang”
- Fittingly, for our host, a scoop of Jennifer Love Hewitt and Tara Reid
(side note: what would the world be like without the dedicated work of airbrushers. God bless them)
Alright, that’ll do it. Enjoy your evenings, folks. By the way, this is Weed again. I had to kick Carson’s no-talent ass out after he came on to me. What a freak.
Be good. Or not. Either way is fine by me.