Sportress of Blogitude

Dallas Cowboys Metal Band Free Reign Signs Record Deal, Proves Recording Industry Is Still Clueless

free_reign

Free Reign, a “metal” band comprised of Dallas Cowboys linemen Leonard Davis, Marc Colombo and Cory Procter (and I guess one other dude – say, is he a missing Giambi brother?) signed a record deal with Riot Entertainment, an Australian record label – and if there’s one thing Australian record labels know, it’s American metal music played by professional football players.

Now, I’m not saying they suck, but you be the judge after watching a live version of their song called – well, I don’t know what it’s called, but I believe the guy keeps screaming, “we are the chowderheads”:

“WE ARE THE CHOWDERHEADS!! WE ARE THE CHOWDERHEADS!!”

Sweet merciful Christ that was awful, wasn’t it?

Not so fast, says Riot owner John Howarth:

“Free Reign is a band with massive potential,” Riot owner John Howarth said in a news release Tuesday. “There has been an enormous buzz surrounding them since they appeared on the scene a few months ago. Free Reign has already been flooded with endorsements. Their marketing potential is limitless. These guys are already huge sports stars, but they have shown they have the talent to diversify.”

Massive potential, dude. Totally. And I’m sure the “enormous buzz” surrounding the band has everything to do with their musical chops and nothing to do with the fact they play for the Dallas Cowboys. These guys sound like a group of 16-year-olds playing in the basement while one of the kid’s parents was at work. And we all know if you’re hanging out in your parents’ basement, you better be blogging.

You know what? Screw this blogging shit. I’m calling the guys and getting the band back together! The Weed Against Speed Death Metal Orgasm rides again! Now, what did I do with my high-heeled boots? They have to be around here somewhere…

MOM!!!!

Three Cowboys sign record deal for their heavy metal band [SI.com/AP]