Sportress of Blogitude

I Smell Sitcom!

dirk-nowtizkifetusDallas Mavericks forward Dirk Nowitzki has filed for sole physical custody of the unborn child now being carried by his ex-girlfriend Crystal Taylor.

Taylor was arrested May 6 at Nowitzki’s home in north Dallas. The 37-year-old woman was indicted in Sept. 2006 on a theft of services charge for not paying a Beaumont dentist for 2004 dental work worth from $1,500 to $20,000.

Taylor is still in the Jefferson County jail and that’s where she was served with Nowitzki’s petition to adjudicate parentage.

Dirk had her served in jail? Cold-blooded, man!

As you may recall, Taylor announced her pregnancy from jail as well. I’m sure all parties involved with handle this amicably, keeping the best interests of child as the primary concern (yeah, right).

If I were Nowitzki’s agent, I would see this not as career roadblock but as a marketing bonanza for his client. Dirk Nowitzki strollers, pacifiers, baby monitors, you name it. But even before that, this story should be shopped to the networks, cable, everywhere, because when I think of Dirk Nowitzki taking care of a baby, I see sitcom hilarity. I’ll even get them started by providing a few storylines:

  • Practice Makes Perfect: Dirk puts the baby in the basketball rack during a Mavericks practice and Josh Howard accidentally dunks it
  • Uncle Mark To The Rescue: Mavericks owner Mark Cuban berates the baby’s nanny, drawing ire from godfather David Stern
  • What’s The German Word For Colic? Dirk is at his wits end when the baby will not stop crying on the team bus. In a touching moment, the entire team sings “Hush Little Baby.” Awwww.
  • The Hoff of the Matter:  David Hasselhoff makes a guest star appearance as a boozing babysitter, evoking memories of Tom Hanks’ powerhouse performance as Uncle Ned on Family Ties. A very special epsidode of Dirk and the Baby, indeed.

Yeah, a pilot will be green-lighted without a doubt. You’re welcome.

Alternatively, they could go in completely the opposite direction and adapt the story for a Lifetime Made-For-TV movie, Not Without My Fetus, featuring Abigail Breslin as the unborn child and Meredith Baxter as the cold but fair custody evaluator from Court Services.

Can’t miss, man. Can’t miss.

Court Papers: Dirk Wants Sole Custody of Baby [DFW NBC Dallas/Fort Worth]