Sportress of Blogitude

Sammy Sosa To Announce His Retirement From Baseball – Wait, What?


While at a speaking engagement in the Dominican Republic on Wednesday, Sammy Sosa was interviewed by ESPN Deportes and during said interview reported that he will formally announce his retirement from beisbol, or baseball, for you xenophobes. You see, besibol been berry berry good to Sammy, he is is proud of his legacy and isn’t afraid to make it known:

“Everything I achieved, I did it thanks to my perseverance, which is why I never had any long, difficult moments [as a baseball player]. If you have a bad day in baseball, and start thinking about it, you will have ten more. I will calmly wait for my induction to the Baseball Hall of Fame. Don’t I have the numbers to be inducted?”

I think everything will be fine as long as he waits for his induction calmly – do you know how long never can take?

And as far as the allegations of steroid use that surrounded him during the latter stages of his career, Sosa will face all allegations head-on and he will denounce all, um, denouncers.

“I assure you that I will not answer nor listen to rumors.If anything ugly comes up in the future, we will confront it immediately, but with all our strength because I will not allow anybody to tarnish what I did in the field.”

No, senor-ee, don’t even try to tarnish his sterling reputation.

* COUGH – corked bats – COUGH *

Anyway, there you have it – Sosa is retiring, deal with it – although he hasn’t even played professional baseball since the 2007 season. In December of last year, Sosa indicated he would like to play for the Dominican Republic in the World Baseball Classic but was left off the team.

Oh snap!

And don’t even begin to think that he has a comeback planned – Sosa is very happy with his position as Special Ambassador For Investment Opportunities for the Dominican government.

Nice title. It sounds much better then Some Bullshit Job We Give Some Guy Because He Is Famous But There Are No Real Duties Peformed

What’s that, Sammy? What did you say? The duties, they’re “so reeeeeeal”, you say?

Well, my sincerest apologies, sir.

Ex-Cub Sammy Sosa to announce retirement soon, ‘calmly wait’ for induction into Hall of Fame [Chicago Tribune]