This Just In: Ginormous NFL Players Prone To High Blood Pressure; Jury Is Still Out On Wetness Of Water
NFL-sponsored research shows that NFL players are more than twice as likely to suffer from high blood pressure compared to their non-football playing counterparts.
Among the biggest players — linemen with a body mass index in the obese range — about 90 percent had either high blood pressure or pre-hypertension, which is less dangerous but still risky.
Well, color me shocked at the findings. The next thing you’ll know someone will try and tell me that a higher proportion of models suffer from eating disorders compared to non-models, but I’m not going to buy it – those women are simply naturally svelte.
Of course, in order to sway public opinion away from the fact that the NFL simply chews up and spits out athletes for their own selfish pursuit of the almighty dollar, the league attempted to put a positive spin on the findings:
The NFL and study authors downplayed the negative findings from a pool of 504 players of all sizes. Except for high blood pressure, the authors said, players on average faced no greater heart disease risks than men their same age in the general population.
That’s all well and good, but have you taken a look at what passes for an average man in the general population? There aren’t a bunch of Lorenzo Lamases running around out there, if you know what I mean (because I don’t – Lorenzo Lamas?). The question is, with all the advantages afforded to NFL players, from personal trainers, nutritionists, etc., why shouldn’t they be less likely to suffer from high blood pressure?
Oh yeah. Because they’re friggin’ huge, play an incredibly violent game and completely destroy their bodies in the process. Nevermind.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, a Double-Quarter Pounder with Cheese Extra Value Meal is calling to me. Oh, the wonderfulness of fat grams – you know I cannot resist your siren song.
Big NFL players are prone to high blood pressure [The Associated Press]