Sportress of Blogitude

That’s Some Mighty Fine Police Work There, Lou

lou-simpsons-cop-wallpaperWhen you want to probe the inner workings of the criminal mind in an attempt to understand what makes them tick, you don’t send in a psychiatrist, psychologist, or – gasp! – social worker – you send in Tony Dungy.

As everyone has likely heard by now, now-retired NFL head coach Tony Dungy took a break last week from hating gay people and traveled to Leavenworth Penitentiary to meet with locked-up soon-to-be PETA spokesperson (seriously) Michael Vick to try to see if there’s any way he could assist the troubled quarterback get his life on track.

But if Coach Dungy thought it was going to be easy, he was dead wrong. Vick is a difficult case and a tough nut to crack. In fact, he might be the Hannibal Lecter of incarcerated-former-NFL-quarterbacks-who-were sent-to-prison-due-to-their-involvement-in-bankrolling-dog-fighting-clubs.

Sure, he’s the only one – that just makes it all the more likely. Don’t question me.

But Dungy wouldn’t be dissuaded – he couldn’t let that happen – and like a chef peeling an onion layer by layer, he slowly exposed what was at the very pit of  Vick’s soul and he came away with this mind-blowing, shocking revelation:

Vick wants a second chance when he gets out of prison.

Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick! How in the hell did Dungy manage to get that out of him? Hypnotism? Coercion? Waterboarding?

Oh, I know what it must have been – he probably watches The Closer on TNT. Kevin Bacon’s wife totally knows her shit, man.

Dungy says Michael Vick wants second chance [Sporting News/AP]