Our Long National Nightmare Is Finally Over
Everyone can stop praying the rosary and stop burning incense (actually – keep the incense lit – if it’s patchouli); we can go back to living our lives normally again. No, I’m not referring to the eradication of swine flu or Selena Roberts and A-Rod hopping in the sack together and burying the hatchet: Michael Phelps’ 3 month suspension for getting caught looking like he might have been hitting off a bong but we can’t be entirely sure is finally over. Praise Jesus!
Claiming he “had no idea” that his suspension was over, Phelps is relieved that the suspension and all the hoopla surrounding it is coming to an end:
“I’m happy to be back in the water and be back in semi-shape. I’m sort of getting back into racing shape and getting ready to race my first race since Beijing. We’ll see how it’s goes…I’m happy to have some structure back in my life.”
We are happy, too, Michael. In fact, we’re bursting with joy. Do you know what would be great right now? A nice bong rip. How about it, Michael? Nope? Alright – some other time.
Personally, I just don’t know how much longer I could have lasted knowing that Phelps was being deprived of grueling day-long training sessions while forced to endure day after day after day pounding shots of vodka and hanging out with trashy women in New York’s trendiest nightclubs.
It must have been a living hell.
Phelps returns from suspension, ready to race [Yahoo!/AP]
Michael Phelps dives into New York City club scene [Gatecrasher]