M.I.T. To Cut Eight Varsity Sports, Students Will Now Have More Time For Quidditch, Dungeons & Dragons And Taking Over The World
Sad news out of the land of Nerd – even esteemed universities like the M.I.T. are feeling the squeeze of these difficult economic times, as the college announced it will be axing eight varsity sports programs, citing cost-cutting as the primary reason – $485,000 of the athletic department’s $9.7 million budget will be saved.
Student Life Dean Costantino Colombo and athletic director Julie Soriero said in a letter posted on the university’s Web site Thursday that alpine skiing, golf, men’s and women’s ice hockey, men’s and women’s gymnastics, pistol and wrestling will be eliminated at the end of the academic year.
Costantino Colombo? I sure wouldn’t want to upset someone with a name like that, so all of you varsity sports better do as he says, nice and easy-like. He declined to elaborate how he would go about getting rid of each of the sports, but my guess is it will either involve a bullet to the back of the head or possibly a concrete boot-fitting followed-up by a dip in the Charles River.
M.I.T. is well-known for having one of the most diverse and deepest athletic programs in the country – even after the removal of the eight sports, the college will still compete in 31 sports, the most of any Division III school.
Interesting side note regarding M.I.T. athletics – the teams are called the Engineers and their mascot is the Beaver, “Nature’s Engineer”, which was first introduced in 1914. Interestingly, the decision to use the beaver as their mascot is attributed to Class of 1898 alumnus Lester Gardner, who explained the reasoning as such:
“The beaver not only typifies the Tech, but his habits are particularly our own. The beaver is noted for his engineering and mechanical skills and habits of industry. His habits are nocturnal. He does his best work in the dark.”
While it may be true that beavers work well in the dark, unfortunately for female M.I.T. students, rumor has it males who matriculate to M.I.T. underachieve miserably whenever they attempt to perform any “beaver work” in the dark. Hey-ohhhh!!
MIT cuts 8 varsity sports [Boston Herald]
Massachusetts Institute of Technology Athletics [Wikipedia]