Archive for Whimsy
Here he comes
Here comes Ron Artest
He’s a goofball on wheels
He’s a goofball and he’s gonna be doing something odd.
He’s gainin’ on you so you better look after
He’s busy revvin’ up a powerful Eagle Roadster
And when the odds are against him
And there’s bats**t crazy stuff to do
You bet your life Ron Artest
Will see it through.
Go Ron Artest
Go Ron Artest
Go Ron Artest, Go!
He’s off and flyin’, don’t care about no registration
He’s jammin’ down the pedal, he’s an internet sensation
Adventure’s waitin’ just ahead.
Go Ron Artest
Go Ron Artest
Go Ron Artest, Go!
Ron Artest — What’s Wrong with this Picture?! [TMZ]
Speed Racer Theme [YouTube]
Well played, Onion. Well played.
Dan Hampton thought the line about oil-soaked birds was brilliant until someone informed him otherwise. He then issued a carefully-worded apology regarding the insensitivity he displayed by finding the above joke humorous, but in such a manner that you know there is no way in hell Hampton wrote the apology himself.
Keys To The Matchup: Saints vs. Vikings [The Onion]
Interesting question (when taken completely and immaturely out of context), but who really cares whether there are enough balls in Cincinnati to satisfy the compulsion these two guys have for getting their hands on as many balls as possible? The more pressing question in Cincy should be: are there going to be enough wieners around for Carson Palmer?
Jesus.
I must say, Tom Brady, you are certifiably styling in these Comcast internet ads. Except for the ridiculous hair and the goofy look on your face which one could surmise is indicative of a person with a mid-70s IQ.
DERP! indeed.
TMZ, courtesy of the mysterious ways in which it operates, somehow got its paws on a photo of Tiger Woods shortly after his divorce from Elin was finalized in a Bay County courthouse in Panama City, Florida earlier this month. Posing with him in the above photo is none other than Cliff Clavin, who for some reason or another, is now working as a bailiff.
And yes, I am aware that Cliff Clavin, the know-it-all alcoholic mailman from Cheers real name is John Ratzenberger but if I would have put used the actor’s name instead of the character he will always be associated with, none of you young whippersnappers would have had any idea who I was referring to. In fact, a lot of you probably have no idea who Cliff Clavin is nor the fact that Archibald Leach, Bernard Schwartz and Lucille LeSueur have never been in his kitchen.
In any event, I feel bad for Ratzenberger that he has to supplement his income with side gigs as a court official. One would expect that all that money he has been pulling in from his voice work in those Pixar films would be more than enough to live on, but there you go. Ratzenberger does have one thing going for him, I suppose: he is now my second favorite bailiff, right behind Bull Shannon from Night Court (insert funky bass line here).
I heard after his round, he immediately left the course, got in his car and high-tailed it to a job for his side-gig moonlighting as a birthday party clown.
I wonder where Noah keeps his weed when he’s golfing. Something to think about.
[H/T Pro Basketball Talk]
Brilliant video, but the chap who uploaded this bad boy totally whiffed in not adding the gold standard in comical soundtracks for hilarious video YouTubeage.
Here. I’m not the most technomological guy, but allow me to do it in the most unsophistimicated way possible – just play the vids simultaneously and you have yourself a jimmy-rigged soundtrack:
Much better.
As theScore points out, no one really knows when or where this fitting homage to Vikings great Jim Marshall’s historic screw up exactly occurred, but who says age or knowledge should have anything to do with simply enjoying the moment? Kind of like that very secret but extremely erotic sponge bath you gave to Mrs. Cohen in that retirement home when you were performing community service. That’s right. I know all about your geriatric love games, sicko.
[H/T theScore (via Out of Bounds)]
It’s funny because even without the parentheses, the title is completely accurate. Just as long happen to be her attorney…or some other random dude she believes deserves a hummer from one of the best peter-puffers south of the Mason-Dixon Line.
Blackmail Ale, a homebrewed beer named after Karen Sypher, has won a blue ribbon at the Kentucky State Fair. Sypher, as you recall, was convicted earlier this month of attempted extortion of Louisville head coach Rick Pitino.
From Gary Rosenberger, the man behind Blackmail Ale (via The Dagger):
“Every year, the Kentucky State Fair sponsors a homebrew label competition, so I thought this would be a good topic,” said Rosenberger, a big Louisville basketball fan. “I had originally thought there would be more than one label that would tackle the same subject, but as it turns out the others focused on political topics or the oil spill in the gulf. I just put it out there and stuck. I never dreamed it would get the publicity it’s gotten.”
Good for Gary. Congrats. Here’s to the entrepreneurial spirit of Mr. Rosenberger. Below are some slogans Rosenberger came up with:
“Blackmail Ale, 7 Years Old,” the label reads. “A bitter brew available only at your local Italian eatery. 0 percent Dignity by Volume.” At the bottom, the label warns drinkers that “consuming this beverage may lead to incarceration in the United States federal prison system.”
Ha. Gold, Jerry. Gold. Drink up, everybody.
A homebrew named after Karen Sypher is an award-winner [The Dagger]
Here’s Karen Sypher, Seconds Away From Blowing Her Lawyer [Deadspin]
I’m not sure exactly what my good buddy Jimmy Joe is talking about in his hypnotic yet hyperactive backwoods drawl, but I did manage to deduce that Kurt Busch did something historic this weekend and that Jimmy Joe’s cousin loves the Grateful Dead. Other than that, I was lost.
In any event, congratulations, Kurt Busch, on your unknown achievement. And Jimmy Joe, please keep your delightful NASCAR videos coming.
While the wisdom displayed by the parent and/or guardian who green-lighted the choice of attire of these two young whippersnappers last night’s Vikings-49ers game at Candlestick Park can be questioned, you can’t argue with the inherent truth behind the message contained on their matching t-shirts.
Although I do have to take the creator of these brilliant shirts somewhat to task for making the egregious error of having “Super Bowl” spelled as one word. It appears to likely be an issue of available space on the shirts and I suppose in light of everything, it should be overlooked.
[H/T SB Nation)]
