Archive for Random
As a person who finds the “sport” competitive eating to be a completely ridiculous endeavor, I do not regularly make mention of it here at the Sportress, but a quote from America’s No. 1-ranked competitive eater – according to the International Federation of Competitive Eating, which is the Grand Poobah of competitive eating federations – really was a rib-tickler, so to speak.
And for those of you who are interested, Chestnit won the Best in the West Nugget Rib Cook-off’s eating competition in Sparks, Nevada by eating eight pounds of pork ribs – sans bones, I hope – in 12 minutes. Congratulations, Mr. Chestnut, on a job…done.
But on to the quote (via KOLO-TV):
“I get in the rhythm,” Chestnut explained. “I try to get everything in my hands, my jaw, and my esophagus to the muscles in my abdomen to work together. To push the food down and I got into a good rhythm today. The food was setting deep inside me–quickly.”
What the heck? That’s some illustrative analysis right there. Is it just me, or if one were to take the word “food” out of that quote and replace it with, um, some other term (I’m pretty sure you know where I am going with this without me explaining it), and the act of competitive eating takes on an entirely different meaning, does it not?
Rib-Eating Competition Draws Thousands [KOLO-TV]
Celebrity fame-monger/Tiger harlot Rachel Uchitel is catching a bunch of heat in the tabloids for making a visit to Ground Zero. The problem was she did it with a film crew from Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew in tow. As you may recall, Uchitel got her first taste of notoriety in the days after 9/11 when she became “New York’s Tragic Face” after a photograph of her appeared on the cover of the New York Post. Uchitel sadly lost her fiancé, Andy O’Grady, who died in the attacks.
Uchitel is not taking the criticism lightly. In fact, she’s downright pissed off about it. Via the New York Post:
“Who the f–k are people to be talking about me?” Uchitel said. “Until they go through what I went through, living with a guy and being engaged to him and having that person dead an hour after waking up next to him . . . Nobody can f–k with me about 9/11.”
Uchitel said she visited the site to “get closure on some stuff I’ve been dealing with . . . and I don’t know why people would take that the wrong way.
“If people think I’m milking something for the benefit of getting on TV or getting more well-known, I’m already well-known,” she said.
Indeed. According to an insider, Dr. Drew himself insisted that it was important for Uchitel to return to the site before a possible appearance on the The Oprah Winfrey Show:
“Rachel hasn’t been back [to Ground Zero] since 9/11, but in the ‘Oprah’ pre-interview, Pinsky said he thought that she needed to go there, that it was the key to her healing, that she couldn’t move on until she tackled those demons,” the insider said, adding that the possible “Oprah” appearance was subsequently nixed.
You know, I could go either way on this one. By no means am I in any place to criticize a person who experienced something as horrific and traumatic as what Uchitel went through in the days following the attacks. On the other hand, sometimes a person’s previous acts – in Uchitel’s case, her desperate need for attention and self-promotion at any cost – can come back to haunt them. In the end, it doesn’t matter whether the reasons for Uchitel returning to Ground Zero were honorable or not, she has little choice but to sleep in the bed she made, and ultimately, despite the questionable decision to bring along a camera crew (and only Uchitel knows herself the reasons behind doing that) as well as her past transgressions as it pertains to the Tiger Woods saga, if her visit to Ground Zero can somehow help her move on and heal after experiencing such a horrible ordeal, I guess we have little choice but to let sleeping dogs lie.
Tiger mistress in Sept. 11 TV exploit [New York Post]
Her name is Aloisia, she’s apparently a “contestant” on something called WWE NXT and she’s six-foot-freaking-nine-inches tall.
To be honest, I’m not much into professional wrestling anymore, so I am not anywhere close to up to speed regarding what WWE Next is or what it entails. You see, I am now in my mid-30s now and gave up being obsessed with the “sport” about the same time I quit playing with my He-Man action figures and wetting the bed, and for those of you who are curious, that was about three years ago.
But sweet sassy molassey, look at the size of that broad! At first look, I thought it was a Photoshop or something but that’s the real deal, all 6’9″ of it. I understand that the other gals standing next to her are more in the realm of toned models than they are towering, super-sized athletes, but they are not midgets and the way in which Aloisia towers over them is jaw-dropping.
There is little in the way of information regarding this ginormous woman on the internets, but I wouldn’t be surprised in the least if her hometown was within the borders of Chernobyl’s Exclusion Zone.
Video follows.
The oddest part? Despite living half a world away with distinctly different customs and societal norms, Pakistanis have a similar response to whenever an alleged match-fixing scandal erupts in the great sport of cricket: animal abuse. The only difference is that instead of punching donkeys to articulate their frustration and anger, Pakistanis pelt them with rotten tomatoes and slap them with their shoes. Tomato, Tomahto, I guess.
Apparently, there has been some sinister stuff going on lately in the cricket world. Accusations of match-fixing have been thrown about alleging that members of the Pakistani cricket team have been taking bribes for altering the outcome of matches. Beyond that, I can provide no further details because I haven’t taken the time to read up on it. And even if I had, I probably wouldn’t have been able to explain it any better because cricket makes little sense so it is logical to assume that controversy surrounding the sport is bound to be a head-scratcher as well.
But here is what I can adequately explain in spite of my ignorance: Pakistani cricket fans took a bunch of donkeys, labeled them with the names of the supposed match-fixers than proceeded to parade them down the street while onlookers chucked rotten tomatoes at the innocent animals while beating them with their shoes. Makes sense.
One protester’s justification for abusing an innocent animal, via The Guardian:
“These players have let us and the country down. We are already facing so many problems because of the floods and terrorism, and they took away our one source of happiness,” one protestor said.
Indeed. Thankfully, video of the incident is scarce, but I imagine once some surfaces, it will the worst pounding an ass has taken on video since the filming of Anal Intruders 26: Up S**t Creek With A Paddle. Grisly stuff.
Pakistan cricket lovers make ass of players [AFP]
Protesters pelt donkeys bearing Pakistani players’ names with stones [The Guardian]
Yeah, that doesn’t look comfortable at all. But I suppose he got what he deserved after participating in the uncivilized “sport” of bullfighting.
The Metro (via Out of Bounds) has a recap of the incident which is quite eloquent:
Pedro Muriel was tackled by the raging beast during a bullfight at the Malagueta bullring in Malaga.
Some might say the attack was karma, after the purple spandex-clad man had harpooned the bull with pointed sticks, known as banderillas.
Muriel was gored on the inside of his thigh but luckily escaped without serious injuries after the attack.
His role in the ring was to assist the bullfighter by weakening the bull’s massive neck and shoulder muscles by using the banderillas.
But in Pedro’s case it backfired and he ended up getting a harpooning himself.
No bueno, Pedro. No bueno.
Bull fighter gored where it hurts [The Metro]
Drill, baby, drill! Another excellent bull goring photo [Out of Bounds]
The reason I ask is because I just learned that Jay Leno will be the Grand Marshal for the Indianapolis MotoGP, a motorcycle race at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway on August 29th.
Now, just to be clear, I’m not hoping a tremendous amount of ill-will upon the NBC unfunnyman, like suffering life-threatening injuries or anything, just something that would take him off the air for a few weeks months years forever.
Is that too much to ask? Does that make me a terrible person or has all the other rotten stuff I have previously written on this here site already taken care of that for me?
Jay Leno will be Indy MotoGP grand marshal [USA Today/AP]
How many times have you heard this one before? The residents of a peaceful and quaint metropolitan neighborhood finally saying enough is enough to a Lawn Bowling Club after the members, many who are elderly pensioners, have went way too far with music blaring after too much drink and commit other assorted examples of inebriated shenanigans, which is compared in the article to as being expected from “boisterous rugby players after a day of pub golf” as opposed to senior citizen lawn bowlers.
Okay, maybe it’s the first time ever such a scene has ever played out, but for the residents of Denmark Hill, a neighborhood in South London, these old timers with their hard partying ways have become a blight on the tranquil setting. In fact, it has become such a sorry state that after repeated complaints by neighbors, authorities had no other choice but to revoke the Temple Lawn Bowling Club’s “drink and music” licenses.
The Legendary Shots, a group of basketball trick shot artists based in Alabama, who became famous after video of them making a basket while standing on a 134-foot-high platform on Birmingham’s Vulcan Monument went viral, are back at it once again with the above video, where two members of the troupe attempt to make a basket while riding on the “The Stratus Fear,” at Alabama Adventure, a local amusement park. While suspended 130 feet in the air, one of the guys attempted a shot, and I am sure you know what happened:
Swish.
Jeff Eisenberg, who does a phenomenal job of covering all things college basketball-related over at The Dagger on Yahoo! has the interesting backstory, including how the guys rode the damn ride 25 times because they wanted to see if they could drain a shot when the ride was at its peak. Goofballs.
Is it just me, or does it seem with every additional crazy trick shot video, they become more and more underwhelming? Let me know when one of these guys swishes one through the net while orbiting the Earth. Now that would certainly be something.
Crazy free fall shot from top of an amusement park ride [The Dagger]
No, seriously, I’m not kidding around here. Graeme Swann, who is apparently quite popular on the cricket scene, has laid all the blame for his drunk driving arrest stemming from an incident on April 2nd when he was pulled over and charged with, as the Brits put it, “drink driving,” on some late night pussy wrangling.
But not the kind of pussy you’re thinking about, perv. He claims that he was simply driving to the store to buy a screwdriver so he could free his cat which somehow got itself trapped under his home’s floorboards. Via The Guardian:
Swann had been belatedly celebrating his 31st birthday with friends in West Bridgford, just a mile from his home, after returning from England’s tour of Bangladesh, when he received a phone call from his wife Sarah to say Max was trapped.
He got in his white Porsche Cayenne and drove towards a supermarket, but was pulled over by PC Steven Denniss, Nottingham magistrates court heard. PC Denniss told the court he initially decided to pull Swann over because he was driving a high-performance car in an area where there had been a spate of burglaries. When he turned around to pursue the cricketer, Swann initially accelerated before eventually stopping.
“Mr Swann stated he had been out that evening and had come back to find his cat trapped under the floorboards in his house,” PC Denniss said. “He had gone to Asda to fetch some screwdrivers to remove some floorboards. His speech was slightly slurred but he was compliant. He was slightly upset due to the fact of his cat and what had just happened.”
The 31-year-old Swann has pleaded not guilty to the charges, but I don’t know, man. I’m not really buying his story. I mean, what kind of self-respecting man doesn’t own at least one damn screwdriver? Oh, an English cricket-playing, cat-owning dandy wouldn’t, you say? I see. Carry on, then.
But the allusion I made to pussy was pretty clever, wasn’t it? Yeah, I know, I’m pretty awesome. And I didn’t even have to resort to the obligatory “sticky wicket” reference which invariably is used in every cricket-related post to boot. Score another one for Weed!
Graeme Swann on drink-driving charge after 3am dash to save kitten [The Guardian]
Unbeknownst to me, the 2010 Beach Volleyball European Championships were held in Berlin last week – I didn’t get the memo – so what better way to commemorate the event that I had no idea was going on or was even aware existed before a few minutes ago with a nice little photo gallery?
Who won? Like I know. And like you care. Enjoy the photos and quit wasting my precious time by asking inane, unimportant questions. Jeez. How about you simply consider this a lunchtime treat from your Friendly Neighborhood Blogger-Man and leave it at that?
Note: I especially enjoy the photo of Lonely Raker Guy. Living the dream, man. Livin’ it.
Photos: Beach Volleyball European Championships 2010 [Vancouver Sun]
