
Colorado Rockies veteran first baseman Todd Helton reportedly was on a lottery ticket run, which ultimately led to his arrest for DUI early Wednesday morning according to a police report obtained by TMZ.
Helton allegedly “made spontaneous statements about drinking two igloo cups of red wine” during his arrest after police tracked him down in a gas station parking lot after receiving a tip that Helton had struck a median in his black Ford F-150 truck.
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Soon enough, you will see below why the aforementioned mug shot can only be described as “epic.” But when you find out what prompted said mug shot of Hall of Fame catcher Carlton Fisk to occur, you will then understand the true meaning of epic. As far as epic goes when DUI arrests are involved. Which shouldn’t necessarily be considered sources of amusement, but I digress.
Fisk, who is perhaps most well known forhis game-winning home run in the 12th inning of Game 6 of the 1975 World Series (above), was found by police in his pickup truck asleep in the middle of a cornfield in Illinois on Monday night. When police came upon the 64-year-old Fisk, who split time during his storied MLB career between the Chicago White Sox and Boston Red Sox, they also discovered an open bottle of vodka inside the vehicle.
Fisk was woken up by police and paramedics were called to the scene. Fisk agreed to go to the hospital although he refused a subsequent blood test.
The scene gave rise to the following mug shot:
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A warrant has been issued for the arrest of Oklahoma State Cowboys defensive tackle Christian Littlehead related to an incident on March 3 where he allegedly punched a woman in the face after a disagreement over beer pong during a birthday party both were attending. Littlehead was charged with misdemeanor assault and battery on Wednesday by the Cherokee County (Okla.) District Attorney.
Via Tulsa World:
In a police report filed March 4, the alleged victim said that when she claimed Littlehead was cheating at beer pong, he hit her once in the face, causing her to fall and scrape her hand and knees. Others stepped in to separate them and Littlehead left the party, the report states.
This is the third run-in with the law for Littlehead, 21, a sophomore who is listed as a backup defensive tackle on Oklahoma State’s depth chart. According to his profile on the OK State website, Littlehead started four games last season, registering 16 tackles and 1 sack, the lone sack being one more sack than should be presumed he possesses as part of his anatomy if the charges prove accurate.
[H/T TBL]

(image via the Chicago Sun-Times)
A man from the South Side of Chicago has been charged with animal cruelty after police officers said they personally witnessed him kick his pet kitten 15 feet after taking a running start. To make matters worse and the man’s reported inhuman actions far more deplorable, the man allegedly raised his arms and made the signal for “field goal” afterward.
Via the Chicago Sun-Times:
The officers immediately arrested a laughing Percy Love, 22, after he allegedly kicked the small black cat Monday afternoon in the 6200 block of South Campbell, police said.
He told officers: “This is my cat, Nightmare. He is tough, we play like that all the time. It’s just a cat,” police said.
Surprisingly — and more importantly, thankfully — Nightmare is reportedly “doing quite well” according to a message posted on Animal Care and Control Director Cherie Travis’s Facebook page. Love, on the other hand, is not doing quite as well — and if the terrible allegations prove to be accurate, deservedly so — as he is being held on a $50,000 bond with his next hearing currently scheduled for Feb. 1. At the risk of editorializing, may I just ask: what is wrong with people?
Posted by:
Jason Rowan on December 28, 2011 at 11:45 am

AP image
Over five pounds of a powdery substance stuffed later determined to be cocaine was intercepted by customs agents last week at Newark Liberty Airport in New Jersey. Smugglers were attempting to sneak the cocaine into the country by stuffing it into deflated soccer balls.
Via NJ.com:
On Thursday, customs agents were inspecting Heber Razuri Leon’s luggage after the 46-year-old Peruvian citizen had arrived at the airport from Peru, the agency said. What they found were four pair of sandals and four deflated soccer balls that were unusually heavy, and later determined to be filled with 4.9 pounds of cocaine.
Razuri Leon was also charged with smuggling and drug offenses. The total street value of the drugs was put at more than $300,000.
Was this simply an attempt at a clever ruse devised by crafty drug smugglers to get cocaine across the U.S. border or has the global soccer community finally figured out a way to grow the sport of soccer in America? Hey, David Beckham didn’t work, maybe cocaine will.
All kidding aside, 20 years ago, reputed (and since rehabilitated) coke fiend Diego Maradona would have wholeheartedly approved of the smugglers’ interesting methods.

(mug shot courtesy of the Salt Lake County Jail)
According to The Salt Lake Tribune, Shirley Lewis, the live-in girlfriend of Utah Jazz center Al Jefferson, was taken into custody and booked into Salt Lake County Jail just before 9:00 p.m. Thursday night for allegedly hitting Jefferson and biting him on the back (hence the Marv Albert reference — uh, “YES!”? No? No).
According to a probable cause statement, a verbal argument at Jefferson’s Cottonwood Heights home between Lewis, 38, and Jefferson, 26, escalated to violence when she allegedly hit him and bit him on the back. Two children were present at the time, police say.
“The police department was called to a residence [Thursday] night on a report of domestic violence,” said Cottonwood Heights Sgt. Dan Bartlett. “Officers arrived and determined that domestic violence was in fact committed and arrested a female.”
Lewis was bailed out of jail shortly after going into custody, but reportedly skipped out on her arraignment hearing scheduled for 10:00 a.m. Friday morning. According to the report, Judge Augustus Chin said he would wait until the end of the day to see if Lewis shows up before determining what further action will be necessary. My guess is if Ms. Lewis doesn’t show up at the courthouse before the end of the day, she could very well find herself back in the slammer. One question, though: if the county jail isn’t in Salt Lake City proper, will police be obligated to give her a ride FROM DOWNTOWN?
Okay, that’s enough of that. This is a very serious issue, especially in light of the fact that Lewis’ children were present during the alleged incident. Let’s hope, more than anything, that those kids come out unscathed from the ugly scene they unfortunately had to witness.
Posted by:
Jason Rowan on November 11, 2011 at 11:25 am

(not the suspect in question, just some drunk guy passed out)
Via Sign On San Diego:
PACIFIC BEACH — An 81-year-old Pacific Beach woman awoke to find a Chargers fan passed out on her couch this morning, according to San Diego police.
Officer Frank Cali of the San Diego Police Department said the woman living on the 1300 block of Thomas Avenue reported an unknown man estimated to be in his 20s and wearing a Chargers jersey was asleep in her living room at about 7:20 a.m.
The man was taken into custody and charged with being drunk in public.
That must have been awfully frightening ordeal for the old lady. But what gives with only being charged with being drunk in public? Trespassing at the very least would seem like a logical charge, not to mention the possibility of breaking and entering.
And given that the passed-out drunk dude was wearing a Chargers jersey and is as of this moment unidentified, for the sake of Chargers fans, let’s hope it wasn’t Phillip Rivers. Because if anyone affiliated with the Chargers organization, be it fan, player or otherwise, probably needed to go on a bender after last night’s loss to the Raiders, it most certainly was him. Or Norv Turner, maybe, but he strikes me more as the kind of guy who huffs air conditioner refrigerant. I don’t know why, he just does.

Yamma hamma, get that guy a 50-gallon drum of Visine, stat!
Okay, attempts at humor are probably not apropos at this time, as this story is no laughing matter. But goodness gracious, get a look at his eyes. Whew.
By referring to New England Patriots wide receiver Julian Edelman’s mug shot as not pretty, I mean to imply that he looks completely miserable, which I suppose should come as no surprise given he was arrested and charged with one count of indecent assault and battery after he allegedly groped a woman at a Boston nightclub late into the Halloween evening prior to the mug shot having been taken. Not that any time a person is having a mug shot taken of them should it be considered a good good thing — obviously — but Edelman’s mug shot certainly ranks up there as one of the worst within the voluminous sampling which comprises the extensive gallery of professional athlete mug shots.
With that in mind and given the tawdry details of the charges, one has to suspect that Edelman wishes he had just gone home long before he got all grabby during his Halloween hellraising. Understatement of the day right there.
But if you are beginning to feel sorry for Edelman, do not fret: he felt well enough while leaving Boston Municipal Court this morning to sign the helmet offered up by one idiot New England Patriots fan:
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Posted by:
Jason Rowan on September 28, 2011 at 12:35 pm

His name? Christopher Morehouse. He’s 26-years-old and has now been formally charged with “engaging in a prohibited activity on a premises under the trespass to property act” by the London (ONT) Police due to the allegation that he is the man responsible for throwing a banana at Flyers winger Wayne Simmonds during an exhibition game between Philadelphia and Detroit last week at the John Labatt Centre while Simmonds was taking part in a shootout.
A statement from London Police Chief Brad Duncan, from an AM980 report (via the intrepid — as always — reporting by Puck Daddy):
“26-year-old Christopher Moorhouse of London has been charged with engaged in a prohibited activity on a premises under the trespass to property act, a provincial statute.” said Duncan.
“Mr. Moorhouse has been served with a part three summons, and if convicted of this offence – could be liable to a fine of not more than $2,000. This is a provincial offence and not a criminal charge, and will be dealt with in the provincial offenses court.”
Chief Duncan also stated that the police looked into charging Moorhouse with a hate crime but the evidence accumulated “did not meet the threshold” to warrant such charges, nor did they rise to the level of a criminal charge, either.
Adding to pleas to the public to not take justice into their own hands via mob justice, presumably involving the arming of citizens with pitchforks, torches and saddled polar bears (that’s one of my my little Canadian jokes), Duncan also stressed that citizens should allow justice to take its course. I am inclined to agree, but once the photos produced above by AM980 are sufficiently circulated — in particular the überdouchey one on the left, although the Zippy the Pinhead-esque thingy he’s got going in the right photo certainly doesn’t help matters, either — it’s safe to say in the court of public opinion, this guy will already be convicted.
London Police Charge Suspect in JLC-Banana Incident (PHOTO) [AM980 (via Puck Daddy)]
Posted by:
Jason Rowan on September 22, 2011 at 12:40 pm

Portland Trail Blazers center Marcus Camby was arrested and charged along with a passenger with marijuana possession Monday in Pearland, Texas after police pulled him over at approximately midnight and discovered pot underneath the driver’s seat of his Porsche. To make matters worse, Camby was pulled over in a drug-free school zone, thus raising the seriousness of the charges against him.
From yourpearlandnews.com (via Sporting News):
Police officials say officers pulled over Camby’s black Porsche around midnight on when he was spotted driving north on Cullen Boulevard with a sun screen device blocking the front window.
Officers then questioned Camby and a passenger, later identified as Kendal Lance Johnson, 25. Officers say they noticed the smell of marijuana. Camby gave permission for the car to be searched and police said they discovered what appeared to be several marijuana cigarettes and a baggie with a small amount of the same substance hidden under the front seat. Both suspects denied ownership of the marijuana.
Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. Back up for a minute here. By referring to the thing blocking the front window as a “sun screen device,” there is simply no possible way the report is referring to something like this, right?

That can’t be right, can it? At least if the report indicated said device was “partially blocking the front window,” that might make a modicum of sense, but it reads plain as day that it was blocking the front window. How could he even drive with one of those things impeding his ability to see where he was driving. Hopefully, the report is mistakenly misrepresenting the facts of the case and some clarification will come in the days ahead. Otherwise, if he was driving around with marijuana in his car with a sun screen on his windshield — at midnight, no less — Camby is one certifiable high ass. And an extremely dangerous one at that.
NBA star Marcus Camby charged with marijuana possession in Pearland school zone [yourpearlandnews.com (via Sporting News)]