Archive for Police Blotter
No, seriously, I’m not kidding around here. Graeme Swann, who is apparently quite popular on the cricket scene, has laid all the blame for his drunk driving arrest stemming from an incident on April 2nd when he was pulled over and charged with, as the Brits put it, “drink driving,” on some late night pussy wrangling.
But not the kind of pussy you’re thinking about, perv. He claims that he was simply driving to the store to buy a screwdriver so he could free his cat which somehow got itself trapped under his home’s floorboards. Via The Guardian:
Swann had been belatedly celebrating his 31st birthday with friends in West Bridgford, just a mile from his home, after returning from England’s tour of Bangladesh, when he received a phone call from his wife Sarah to say Max was trapped.
He got in his white Porsche Cayenne and drove towards a supermarket, but was pulled over by PC Steven Denniss, Nottingham magistrates court heard. PC Denniss told the court he initially decided to pull Swann over because he was driving a high-performance car in an area where there had been a spate of burglaries. When he turned around to pursue the cricketer, Swann initially accelerated before eventually stopping.
“Mr Swann stated he had been out that evening and had come back to find his cat trapped under the floorboards in his house,” PC Denniss said. “He had gone to Asda to fetch some screwdrivers to remove some floorboards. His speech was slightly slurred but he was compliant. He was slightly upset due to the fact of his cat and what had just happened.”
The 31-year-old Swann has pleaded not guilty to the charges, but I don’t know, man. I’m not really buying his story. I mean, what kind of self-respecting man doesn’t own at least one damn screwdriver? Oh, an English cricket-playing, cat-owning dandy wouldn’t, you say? I see. Carry on, then.
But the allusion I made to pussy was pretty clever, wasn’t it? Yeah, I know, I’m pretty awesome. And I didn’t even have to resort to the obligatory “sticky wicket” reference which invariably is used in every cricket-related post to boot. Score another one for Weed!
Graeme Swann on drink-driving charge after 3am dash to save kitten [The Guardian]
Fourteen years. It has been fourteen long years since the NHL callously broke the hearts of an entire community when they ripped the beloved Jets out of Winnipeg, transplanted the franchise to Phoenix and renamed them the Coyotes. And as the Coyotes franchise continues to deal with problematic ownership issues, there have been mutterings that a potential return of the NHL to the largest city in Manitoba, Canada is a possibility, albeit a long shot. And while talks have been mildly encouraging, none of these rumblings have taken away the sting and pain endured by the region’s betrayed residents, nor will Jets fans ever get over their collective heartbreak over losing the team.
Well, for one individual, the frustration finally boiled over. This particular soul, a 32-year-old resident of nearby Lundar, Manitoba, reached the point of no return and realized he was mad as hell and he wasn’t going to take it anymore. As any sane person would do when facing a similar issue, he called 911 to air his grievances regarding the Jets leaving town in 1996 and demanded that RCMP officers do anything in their power to get the Jets to move back to Winnipeg. He has been charged with “public mischief, false messages, harassing phone calls and obstructing justice.”
Epic number one overall draft pick bust JaMarcus Russell appeared in court in Mobile, Alabama earlier today and plead not guilty to charges of possession of a controlled substance in connection to his arrest on July 5th when authorities found one bottle of codeine syrup in his home during a search, an item which would have been otherwise used (allegedly) by Russell to get his Purple Drank on.
While pleading not guilty to the charges was well within Russell’s right, after reading the report I am left to question the integrity of Russell’s counsel, one Donald Briskman, Esquire, due to his statements to the press after the former Oakland Raiders quarterback’s plea. To wit (via The Huddle):
Briskman added that Russell will be “getting prepared to play professional football” in the meantime.
I’m sorry, but I have to respectfully disagree with the esteemed criminal defense counselor assertion as to what his client has been up to recently – or at the very least question his understanding of the rigors and dedication required to adequately play the quarterback position in the NFL – because one does not prepare to play professional football by consuming a 9,500 calorie diet consisting solely of Double Quarter Pounder With Cheeses and chocolate milkshakes from McDonald’s.
You see, because JaMarcus Russell is fat and stuff. Burn. But at the same time, subsisting on the above diet could very well prepare you to become a world-class sports blogger. Sure, it hasn’t happened to me yet, but it is my hope one day, the proof will be in the pudding.
Mmmm…pudding.
JaMarcus Russell pleads not guilty; lawyer says QB ‘getting prepared to play pro football’ [The Huddle]
"I could fashion this trophy into a totally righteous bong, bro!"
Sweet mercy, what is this world coming to? We have come to expect pot busts from athletes from other professional sports – in fact, it is almost a common occurrence nowadays – but a golfer? That’s kooky talk!
As kooky as it may sound, it is in fact a legitimate story: PGA Tour rookie Matt Every was arrested at an Iowa casino the day before he was to compete in the John Deere Open in Silvis, Illinois and charged with possession of marijuana, something the golfer denies. From an AP report:
He was among three men arrested Tuesday in a room at the Isle Casino Hotel in nearby Bettendorf, Iowa.
He was charged with possession of a controlled substance, a misdemeanor, and booked into the Scott County Jail. He was freed Tuesday night after posting bond.
In a statement released by his management firm, Every apologized for showing poor judgment but denied having any marijuana in his possession. He said he pleaded not guilty.
Well, I suppose a person is innocent until proven guilty, but I can see something like this happening. I mean, professional golfer or not, he was hanging out a casino somewhere in the middle of freaking Iowa. You can’t blame the guy for trying to up the enjoyment ante, so to speak, one could experience at an Iowa casino by toking on some herb, right? In any event, Every should just pay the paltry fine and move on. What do you mean pot possession warrants life in prison in Iowa? That can’t be right, can it? Stop trying to harsh my mellow, dude.
Vince Young, Simms’ teammate on the Tennessee Titans, used to suck dick for coke. I seen him! Okay, I haven’t, but given Vince’s proclivity to roll shirtless while hanging out with other dudes, I wouldn’t be surprised if that one turned out to be true.
I guess we should have seen it coming. First off, weed smoking apparently runs in the Simms family. His little brother Matt was once photographed appearing like he was about ready to roll up a fat one. Secondly, what sort of cuckoo brain practices putting in a bathrobe? That’s just zany!
Moving on, how in the bloody hell does one pull of getting busted for Driving While Blazed? I’ll tell you: first, said person has to be a complete idiot. And then there’s this (via New York Daily News):
One source said Simms, 29, was slurring his speech, his eyes appeared red and his face was flushed.
He confessed to cops that he smoked a joint inside his 2009 Mercedes-Benz earlier in the night, a source said.
“He was so stoned he couldn’t keep his mouth shut, and admitted he smoked a joint in the car,” said the source. “The smell of pot just came off his clothes and out of his car.”
Oh man, Papa Phil is going to be so pissed. Okay, another question: why on earth would a person admit to smoking some grass earlier in the evening? If you ain’t holding, why admit it? What a friggin’ high ass.
Boo this man!
Chris Simms, NFL quarterback & son of Giants legend Phil Simms, busted for driving on drugs: police [New York Daily News]
America’s Most Blunted–They Grow Up So Fast [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
Shine on, you crazy diamond. Although I wonder what Pat Sumitt would think about all this craziness.
Former Tennessee Lady Volunteers basketball star Brittany Jackson must be trying to keep up with the big, bad boys as she was arrested for the second time in twenty-two days, this time it was for a DUI offense, implied consent and attempting to leave the scene of an accident with injuries. She was arrested with her sister three weeks ago and charged with aggravated assault stemming from an altercation with a woman at Tennessee Wesleyan College when Brittany and her sister Lindsey laid a beatdown on the girl who was allegedly dating Lindsey’s ex-boyfriend and father to Lindsey’s child. Woo, that was like writing out a plot to a soap opera there.
The sordid details of Jackson’s dive into debauchery after the jump.
Our long, double-penetrating, national nightmare is finally over. Pennsylvanian Susan Finkelstein, the so-called “Sex For World Series Tickets Hoochie Mama” (okay, that’s my name for her) was sentenced to one year of probation for allegedly offering a multitude of sexual favors to an undercover police officer posing as interested party in exchange for tickets to a World Series game between the hometown Phillies and Yankees in October of last year. Boy, does that suck the balls of anonymous strangers or what? Via MyFox Philly:
A judge outside Philadelphia said on Thursday that Finkelstein will receive one year of probation and she must perform 100 hours of community service duty.
Finkelstein was sentenced in Doylestown, Pa., after the judge denied her request for a mistrial. She was found guilty of attempted prostitution but not guilty of prostitution in March.
100 hours of community service? Huh. I’ve heard of Meals on Wheels, but Hummers in Hummers? That’s another story – albeit a more ejaculatory, gas-guzzling, (among other fluids) one – altogether.
No Jail Time In Phillies Sex-For-Tickets Case [MyFox Philly]
(previously at the Sportress: Susan Finkelstein’s ‘Sex For World Series Tickets’ Trial As Comical As Expected & Susan Finkelstein’s Got A ‘Phillies Fever’ And The Only Prescription Is More Whoring For World Series Tickets)
As additional details continue to emerge regarding the arrest of the mother of Phoenix Suns forward Amar’e Stoudemire last Saturday in Scottsdale, I feel more and more compelled to ponder What’s Love Got To Do (Got To Do) With It? Further, when are people who are legally required to have an ignition interlock device just going to admit they need help and that We Don’t Need Another Hero?
I don’t know, I guess some questions are too complicated for even me to answer. But do you know what? I plan on sticking around this here blog for quite awhile, so You Better Be Good To Me.
One thing I can attest to with complete confidence regarding this sordid tale: if a Made-For-TV movie is green-lighted about this incident and Angela Bassett doesn’t get the role, there is going to be trouble.
Amar’e’s Mom: Mugshot And “Bizarre Recording” [SPORTSbyBROOKS]
If has only taken 20 years, but the drive-by shooting has finally reached the idyllic setting of Green Bay, Wisconsin. The victim? Lambeau Field.
NO!
Referring to the drive-by as “random and isolated,” police suspect that sometime on late Sunday evening, some unknown thugs went “Rat-tat-tat-tat like that (Wisconsinites never hesitate to put a bullet through the glass)” on Lambeau, leaving two bullet holes in the atrium of the legendary stadium. A review of security tapes revealed little information, although authorities suspect the heinous act is connected to another drive-by at a Green Bay gas station earlier that Sunday evening. That’s some mighty fine police work there, Lou.
Citizens should not be afraid to visit the Football Mecca in the daytime, assures local resident Peter Richlen, grandson of Ellsworth Richlen, who was taking Peter to see the stadium but instead walked right into a grisly crime scene. Broken glass and whatnot.
“If someone’s going to take a shot at a public place like this it’s probably going to be in the late, late evening when there’s no witnesses,” said Peter Richlen. “You don’t really do something like that if there is going to be a lot of people around. So I don’t feel threatened being inside there if it’s daylight.”
Nor should you, young Peter. Nor should you. If there’s one thing I have learned from watching gang-banger movies, it is only when a person tries to escape the senseless violence of the ‘hood that will they ultimately succumb to the cruel and heartless Code of the Street, and we all know that no one ever leaves Green Bay. No matter how bad it gets, the ‘hood is in their blood.
Bullet holes in Lambeau Field Atrium [WLUK-TV]
Jeez, talk about a company completely turning its back on the potential of an entirely new market of prospective customers.
TMZ reported earlier this morning that in light of his recent troubles involving 16-year-old girls, a pimp and a hotel room, Nutrisytem has dropped Lawrence Taylor as a spokesperson for their crappy-ass product. As you can see above, LT has been wiped clean from the company’s website and replaced by Canadian baseball-playing superstar Matt Stairs.
Matt Stairs?
TMZ spoke to a rep at the weight loss company, who told us, “We are shocked and saddened by these very serious allegations against Lawrence Taylor.”
The rep added, “Based on the severity of these allegations, Nutrisystem has made the decision to sever our relationship with Mr. Taylor effective immediately.”
Well, this development is but only a glimpse of what will surely become yet another epic downfall for the great linebacker, whether the allegations are accurate or not. But it troubles me to see Nutrisystem drop LT so quickly after standing by Chris Berman all this time after he went and brutally murdered that hobo*.
*may not have actually happened (really didn’t happen)
