Archive for Off Topic
This is not so much a legitimate sports story as it is me simply trying to come to terms with the head-scratching nature of a blog post written by David Stein, who I understand has a nationally syndicated radio program on the Sporting News Radio Network, about all the wonderful things about the dessert item that is pie.
Now, I am aware how people who spend most of their time operating within the constraints of the world of sports enjoy venturing out from time to time to discuss issues outside of the realm of the sporting world, but Stein’s piece entitled, “I Celebrate the Pie’s Entire Catalog” confuses me to no end. I read the entire post – and it’s a fine enough read and can be found on Sporting News Radio’s website – and I kept waiting for Stein to somehow tie his love of pie to something at least tangentially-related to sports, but upon completion, all that I could get out of it was, “Man, this guy really loves his pie.” While there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, it simply struck me as odd. I mean, shouldn’t almost all of the content on a site dedicated to sports be about, you know, sports?
Ruminate on that thought for awhile, because now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to write a follow-up post to my piece about necrophiliac Wisconsinites.
I Celebrate the Pie’s Entire Catalog [Sporting News Radio]
I’m not sure if the Earth’s orbit caused our planet to pass through a comet tail or what, but you better find somewhere safe to hide out for a few days, bust out your AC/DC albums and avoid Emilio Estevez at all costs (which, actually is a good idea no matter the situation), because if what occurred in the sleepy town Plainsboro, New Jersey at the Middlesex Golf Course on Monday morning is any indication, all hell is about to break lose: the machines are alive and they are taking over.
Seventy-four year old groundskeeper Donald Kelber was going about his routine and taking care of his many duties and keeping up the golf course when while cutting the grass sitting atop a 2,200 pound lawnmower, the machine came to life and attempted to murder him.
The bloodthirsty mower horrifyingly tipped itself and Groundskeeper Donny down a 1o-foot embankment and into a pond in a maniacal attempt to drown the man. Kelber was trapped under the machine for over 20 minutes, yet somehow managed to keep his head above water until rescuers arrive at the scene and used a backhoe and chains to pull the possessed lawnmower off the terrified man and freed him from his demonic bondage.
Thankfully for everyone, Kelber avoided serious injury, with only a cut on his right calf and a broken finger as evidence of his harrowing ordeal, yet his experience brings up the question that must be answered before it is too late:
Or maybe, just maybe, we should instead be asking ourselves, “Why does the Middlesex Golf Course allow a 74-year-old man to operate a dangerous, 2,200 pound piece of equipment on an embankment sitting above a water hazard?” That might be an even more important question.
NJ golf groundskeeper pinned in pond by lawn mower [NBC Sports/AP]
Heh. Over the Top. Sometimes, I even amuse myself. Not very often, mind you.
Moving on from my self-adulation, here’s the story: a 25-year-old man from South Florida had an absolute meltdown after losing an arm rasslin’ match to some other slack-jawed yokel, and went into an absolute violent rage which one doesn’t normally associate with Arm Wrestling, the so-called Sport of Kings. At least I think that’s what people call arm wrestling. I could be wrong.
Via azcentral:
Police say Erick Lee Blanton drove his pickup truck across a lawn, over a mailbox and at several people after losing on Sunday. Witnesses told Fort Pierce police he also drew a rifle and pressed the barrel against the forehead of the man who beat him.
Police arrested Blanton at his home shortly afterward. He faces four counts of aggravated assault with a vehicle and one count of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.
It could not be immediately determined if Blanton has an attorney.
Yeah, my guess is Mr. Eric Lee Blanton does not have an attorney on retainer. Just a hunch.
I wonder what could have set him off. A man of Blanton’s presumed refinement and sophistication doesn’t just fly off the handle like that without a good reason. Maybe it had something to do with the custody of his son or something.
Police: Arm-wrestling loss sets off Florida man [azcentral]
Er, or something. I have never quite gotten the hang of that “In Soviet Russia” bit. Yakov Smirnoff must be rolling over in his grave right about now.
Anyway, in an astounding feat of precision, amazing organization and um, a buttload of people sitting cross-legged and falling backwards, in what took 1 hour and 20 minutes, 10,267 people in China have broken the Guinness World Record for the largest procession of human dominoes, besting the previous record (9,234) set in Singapore in 2000.
Jeez, what an odd thing to take part in, right? What a bunch of Mongoloids. No really, the world record-breaking accomplishment was achieved in Inner Mongolia, so, by definition, these people truly are a bunch of Mongoloids.
Via a Reuters report on Yahoo!:
“The human dominoes were a success. The new record is 10,267 people. This is a new Guinness World record,” Guinness’ official Wu Shaohong said, in images broadcast on state television.
That’s incredible! Seriously, if that show, That’s Incredible! were still airing, this display would have certainly made the cut. Where have you gone, Cathy Lee Crosby?
Let’s go to the “Raw Video,” courtesy of the AFP.
Above is a promo hyping the 6th season of the best comedy on television, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. In it the cast praise Philly fans, who come out in droves whenever the show shoots in the City of Brotherly Love. Why? Because they’re a bunch of drunks, that’s why.
Can’t argue with that. We have years upon years upon years of drunken, taser-worthy, vomit-spewing buffoonery committed by Philly sports fans alone to qualify that statement.
Do you want to know something else which no one in their right mind would bother to argue? That it’s going to be awesome when new episodes start airing on September 16th. Sweet!
[H/T The700Level]
Um, freak out much? Toledo police have released security camera video of an enraged woman having a complete meltdown in a McDonald’s drive-thru on New Year’s Day after employees refused to comply with her order of Chicken McNuggets because the restaurant was still serving breakfast. First the woman, who later was determined to be as drunk as a skunk (shocking, although living in Toledo may have also had an effect on her surly attitude), probably due to a little too much alcohol-induced revelry on New Year’s Eve, pries the window open and starts taking swings at the employee unlucky enough to have been assigned drive-thru duty that morning. Once the inebriated inbred gets her hair pulled by another employee, she goes into her car, finds a bottle and chucks it through the window, breaking it, before speeding off.
For her violently-enthralling act of rageaholism, the gal was later arrested, sentenced to 60 days in jail and was also ordered to pay for replacement of the drive-thru window.
Crazy stuff. But if you ask me, it is much more frustrating when you arrive at McDonald’s too late for breakfast when you have a hankering for a couple of Sausage McMuffins with Egg as opposed to getting to McD’s too early for McNuggets. I guess that’s how they roll in Toledo.
Video shows woman smashing window over McNuggets [Yahoo!/AP]
Only in Wisconsin!
Here in Minnesota, one of our favorite pastimes is making fun of our wacky neighbors on the opposite banks of the St. Croix River directly to our East. It’s due to stories like this one why it is generally such an easy enterprise.
The state which produced Ed Gein and Jeffrey Dahmer has brought us another bizarre tale of one sick person’s fascination and subsequent sexual attraction with corpses. Alexander Grunke (center) was found guilty on Thursday of attempted sexual assault after he, his brother Nick (top) and buddy Dustin Radke went to a graveyard dead set on digging up the corpse of a woman so Alexander could satisfy his desire to nail a corpse.
As if! Sorry, I know this is a sports blog (some may argue otherwise), but as the official patron temptress of the Sportress of Blogitude, if at any time photos surface of Miss Perry looking particularly outstanding, semi-nude or locking lips with another fetching lass, those bad boys are getting uploaded to this here site. Deal with it. I already have, if you catch my drift. And if you do not, I mean I have resigned myself to the fact that if Katy ever leaves Russell Brand and ends up with me – I will just have to accept that I might have to share her with some girl. Could be worse.
Photos courtesy of tooFab! -(54 in all) – via TMZ
(previously at the Sportress: Off Topic: Just Because I Feel Like It, Here’s Katy Perry’s Topless Esquire Cover Photo)
Best idea ever or BEST IDEA EVAR?
I cannot believe I didn’t hear about this a year ago when it was initially released, but a news report of an Alaskan distillery releasing a salmon-flavored vodka mentioned that Seattle-based Black Rock Spirits has had a bacon-flavored vodka, conveniently named Bakon, out on the market for some time now. Genius!
From Black Rock Spirits website:
Around the world today, high-end lounges are serving a variety of “carnivorous cocktails.” The best mixologists are like chefs behind the bar and they don’t want to be limited to standard fruit-flavored infusions. These bartenders have found that the savory aspect of bacon makes a great dominant profile in a cocktail like a Bakon martini with a blue cheese-stuffed olive. But it can also take the back seat, with bacon’s smoky flavor subtly enhancing the taste in a concoction like a Chocolate Martini.
Mmmmm…bacon intoxication…
If you are having difficulty wrapping your brain and taste buds around the idea of a bacon-flavored vodka, try this Bloody Mary recipe on for size:
• 1½ oz. Bakon Vodka in a pint glass filled with ice.
• Fill glass with tomato juice
• 1 dash each of celery salt and ground black pepper
• 2-4 dashes each of Worcestershire sauce and Tabasco
• 1/8 tsp. horseradish
Shake and pour into a salt rimmed pint glass. Garnish with a celery stalk and your favorite pickled vegetables.
That sounds good. I’ll have that. There are many more drool-inducing drink recipes where that came from, too. Now, I’m no mixologist nor am I a dietician or culinary wizard, but I do know one thing for certain: bacon makes everything better. Even your chronic alcoholism.
Sweet mercy and jumpin’ Jesus on a pogo stick, that…is…just…guhhhh…phenomenal.
Katy Perry, if she wasn’t before, is now the official patron temptress of the Sportress of Blogitude. Congrats, honey. You wear the title well.
[H/T NextRound]
(previously at the Sportress: Sweet Sassy Molassey: Katy Perry’s World Cup Spirit Just Made Me Honk My Vuvuzela)
