Archive for NFL
Barf.
I’m not going out on a limb here if I mention that there have been 43 previous Super Bowl champions going into Thursday night’s game when the Saints kick off the 2010 season and defend their Super Bowl championship, and to my recollection, not one team became so overwhelmed with emotion while their championship banner was unfurled that it rendered them unable to play in a game. What’s more, I highly doubt Tom Landry or Chuck Knoll or any other coach of their ilk took even one measly second to worry about whether or not a goddamn banner would somehow affect the delicate sensibilities of their players. If that had been the case, coaches like these guys would have identified these candy-asses long before and booted the pansies out the friggin’ door.
Are these not football players? Are they not men? Is Sean Payton been hanging around with Dr. Phil too much lately? Am I asking too many inane questions? Possibly. Possibly.
Either the Saints better man up or Payton better quit with the paralysis of analysis, one of the two. On the other hand, maybe Rachel Nichols should quit trying to inundate us with those cutesy, sentimental angles she’s always trying to interject into her reports which no football fan wants to hear.
Ah, who am I kidding? I can’t stay mad at you, Miss Nichols, with your red hair and the interesting way you stand in front of the camera to highlight your best angle. Keep up the great work, Rachel. And try to retain some semblance of masculinity, Saints. Jebus.
To answer the question posed in the above church sign: why yes, yes he does. Or, at the very least, JC has sent one of his most revered disciples to spread the good word and cast out the Godless heathens that currently pollute the today’s virtual Sodom and Gomorrah: that’s right folks, Tim Tebow now has Facebook and Twitter accounts.
His brand-spanking new official website, TimTebow.com, is chock-full of information sure to satiate anyone who has had a Tebowner for longer than four hours and has not bothered to contact his doctor or reverend.Tebow’s greeting to his followers, which can be found on the “About Tim” tab:
Thank you for checking out my new official website! I am really looking forward to using this site to keep in touch with all of you as I begin my NFL career. I may have a lot on my plate right now but in my spare time I would love to hear from and reach out to everyone who has supported me, on and off the field, for so many years.
Thanks for having us, Tim. It’s a real blessing. I mean, I feel real blessed to be here. Or there, on your site. Or wherever.
Jay Cutler has always struck me as something of a renaissance man, someone who has a vast array of interests that he would one day like enjoy pursuing after his career in football comes to a merciful conclusion. To be honest, I have no idea why I think this – maybe it’s the diabetes. It’s hard to put my finger on it.
The reason I mention this is a quote Cutler made earlier today when discussing his anticipation for the upcoming season (via Chicago Breaking Sports):
“Its [sic] gonna be a lot of balls in the air,” he said.
Interesting. But is this simply a quarterback towing the company line while praising the Bears’ new offensive coordinator, the so-called “guru” Mike Martz? Or perhaps, just perhaps, could this be a veiled reference to a secret dream of Cutler’s, something he dare not come right out and admit to the world? Is it possible that Jay Cutler secretly wants to be a street performer, more specifically, a juggler? It could happen.
I mean, the guy has already gone on record stating that he is going to throw a buttload of interceptions this season. What kind of mental-defective quarterback would it take to look forward to something like that?
Oh. Jay Cutler is that kind of mental-defective quarterback? I see. It must be that gunslinger mentality of his. Or the DIABEETUS.
Cutler on Bears’ offense: ‘We’re going to be good’ [Chicago Breaking Sports]
(previously at the Sportress: Hey Jay Cutler, You’re Doing It Wrong: QB Says He’ll Throw A Lot Of INTs This Season)
To which Jets head coach Rex Ryan would have promptly replied: “The f**k are you talking about?” Because if Ryan did not, my tired reference to The Big Lebowski would have failed miserably, if it hadn’t done so already.
Goodell, the poor bastard, suffered the ultimate indignity this morning of having to put up with the Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum of ESPN Radio – Mike & Mike, for the ignorami among you out there – and one of the topics discussed was the liberal use of salty language frequently employed and captured by the cameras during a typical episode of Hard Knocks, which, mind you, is a documentary-styled show about grown men airing later at night on a pay cable channel.
As a biased Vikings fan, I will try to leave my opinion out of it, but during an appearance on Dan Patrick’s radio program, when prompted, Adrian Peterson asserted that he, not Titans running back Chris Johnson, is the best running back in the NFL.
Let’s go to the quotes (via Access Vikings):
Peterson told Patrick that he thinks Johnson is “just awesome,” but when asked if he was the better running back Peterson responded, “Yes. Yeah. Yeah,” adding, “I play the game to be the best player and that doesn’t change my mindset at all.”
In a ridiculous statement that even a Vikings rube like myself has no choice but to disagree with, Peterson also maintains that Johnson is not faster than him.
“No, [he's] not faster, stronger, anything,” Peterson said. “You’ve got to understand you’re talking to a guy … that’s just the mentality that I have. I have ultimate respect for the guy and he’s a heck of a player. I remember at one point and time me talking on the phone to Chris Johnson. He was telling me, ‘I’m just a big fan of yours. I like your style.’ Some [of the] advice that I gave him was, ‘I play this game to be the best player ever to play the game. That’s my mentality.’”
I suppose Peterson is entitled to his opinion and it’s not like having faith in one’s abilities and aspiring to the best – as long as it doesn’t move into the realm of overconfidence – is ever a bad thing. Also not a bad thing: A.D. not giving Johnson any tips about ball-handling. Just saying.
And sure, a thorough statistical analysis may be in order and that may help us ascertain which one truly is the best running back, but in the end it doesn’t really matter: by season’s end, we all know who is going to be the best running back in the league: provided an opportunity to excel with the Buccaneers after being cut by the Titans , there is no doubt in my mind that LaGarrette Blount has a punching chance at being the best back in the NFL. And if you think those are either fighting words or a cheap shot, well, you’re right either way.
Peterson says he’s better than Titans star [Access Vikings]
Well played, Onion. Well played.
Dan Hampton thought the line about oil-soaked birds was brilliant until someone informed him otherwise. He then issued a carefully-worded apology regarding the insensitivity he displayed by finding the above joke humorous, but in such a manner that you know there is no way in hell Hampton wrote the apology himself.
Keys To The Matchup: Saints vs. Vikings [The Onion]
The above tweet by Clay Matthews is all the way back from last Friday, but with the holiday weekend, I just came across it.
That’s some crazy stuff. Just when you think you know everything about a person, a detail like this comes along and completely blows your mind. I mean, an NFL franchise quarterback having a cybergina? How long did the Jets expect to keep this under wraps? It’s a shock cameras from Hard Knocks didn’t capture a glimpse or something.
At least it explains how Sanchez landed that lucrative WD40 endorsement deal. Vaginas need to be lubed up sometimes, even robotic vajayjays.
(Note: Matthews’ tweet is actually in response to this one by Sanchez where the QB is discussing kills he made in Halo, so instead of having an alumiclit, Sanchez is simply a geeky video game dweeb…who just so happens not to ever require the services of an artificial pussy, be it robotic or the pocket variety.)
Interesting question (when taken completely and immaturely out of context), but who really cares whether there are enough balls in Cincinnati to satisfy the compulsion these two guys have for getting their hands on as many balls as possible? The more pressing question in Cincy should be: are there going to be enough wieners around for Carson Palmer?
Jesus.
I must say, Tom Brady, you are certifiably styling in these Comcast internet ads. Except for the ridiculous hair and the goofy look on your face which one could surmise is indicative of a person with a mid-70s IQ.
DERP! indeed.
And Matt Lauer just sat there and laughed and laughed and egged the old lady on. Because in case you did not know, everybody who works on Today cannot stand that woman. At least that’s how it plays out in my depraved mind. Anybody else? No? Huh.
But seriously, that lady frightens me. I have now peered into the eyes of madness and they were framed by a sombrero worn by Crazy Old Cowboys Superfan Lady.
An enlightening dissection of the condition afflicting Crazy Old Cowboys Superfan Lady can be found over at Joe Sports Fan. Well done, gents.
A “Super Fan” Arrives at Times Square [Joe Sports Fan]
