Archive for NBA
Here he comes
Here comes Ron Artest
He’s a goofball on wheels
He’s a goofball and he’s gonna be doing something odd.
He’s gainin’ on you so you better look after
He’s busy revvin’ up a powerful Eagle Roadster
And when the odds are against him
And there’s bats**t crazy stuff to do
You bet your life Ron Artest
Will see it through.
Go Ron Artest
Go Ron Artest
Go Ron Artest, Go!
He’s off and flyin’, don’t care about no registration
He’s jammin’ down the pedal, he’s an internet sensation
Adventure’s waitin’ just ahead.
Go Ron Artest
Go Ron Artest
Go Ron Artest, Go!
Ron Artest — What’s Wrong with this Picture?! [TMZ]
Speed Racer Theme [YouTube]
Publishers these days. They give you $140,000 for an advance on a book and then a measly three years after a 130,000-word manuscript was promised to them, they start getting all pissy about not having it. The nerve of those bastards.
But that is the predicament involving Yahoo! NBA columnist Adrian Wojnarowski, a best-selling writer for his 2005 book, The Miracle of St. Anthony: A Season with Coach Bob Hurley and Basketball’s Most Improbable Dynasty, has been sued by Penguin Group in a Manhattan federal court as the publisher seeks to recoup the $140K advanced to slacker for a book about college basketball coaching legend Jim Valvano, tentatively entitled, Jimmy V: The Life and Death of Jim Valvano. Well, at least he had the title – sometimes, that’s the hardest part.
The manuscript was supposed to be in Penguin Group’s hands on August 1, 2007, and when Wojnarowski failed to produce it, the original $400,000 deal was cut to $325,000. Letters were sent by the publisher and were allegedly ignored by Wojnarowski, something the writer blames on, of course, a “miscommunication.”
Via the New York Post:
Wojnarowski blamed the suit on “a miscommunication between my agent and me,” saying: “if they had given him a warning, he had not passed it on to me.”
“I had no idea it had gotten to that point,” he said. “I’m literally sending them the money today.”
Wojnarowski said he did “a great deal of reporting” for the Valvano bio, but that “the demands of my job at Yahoo! made it diffcult [sic] for me to finish it.”
All that work for nothing. An attorney for Penguin insists that the lawsuit will be dropped once the money is returned, but even if this was simply an oversight by Wojnarowski and his agent, what an embarrassing situation. At least he still has the money and didn’t spend it on whores and alcohol, like I did with the advance I received for my unfinished biography about the life and times of, oddly enough, ’80s pop culture phenomenon Yahoo Serious. Now there’s a tale that needs to be told.
Sportswriter sued over failure to deliever Valvano bio [New York Post]
By no means am I taking a shot at the wonderful work Sears can do in the area of family portrait photos – it’s a great photo and his sons look adorable – but one would suspect that LeBron James has the means to hire a high-profile photographer to take a heartwarming snapshot of he and his brood. You know, like Annie Lebovitz or, um, Ansel Adams? Is that dude still alive? He’s not? Well I guess I don’t know many high-profile photographers then. In any event, at least those people wouldn’t have selected poop brown for the background color.
Even more compelling than the questionable aesthetic choices made by the photog is the caption LeBron contributed to the uploaded photo:
My inspiration equals My Next Generation. Father&Role Model
He’s like a poet and he doesn’t even know it. But I must warn you about capitalizing “Next Generation”, LeBron: Gene Roddenberry’s estate is going to be all over your ass for that one.
Be that as it may, that is a pretty smarmy little caption right there. And what’s the deal with the trophies? The ego on that guy! At least I displayed a modicum of class and scheduled a separate appointment for the photos I did posing with my bowling league trophy. And I had the good sense to go to JC Penny for my shoot. Sears is so bourgeois, am I right?
[image]
I heard after his round, he immediately left the course, got in his car and high-tailed it to a job for his side-gig moonlighting as a birthday party clown.
I wonder where Noah keeps his weed when he’s golfing. Something to think about.
[H/T Pro Basketball Talk]
Apparently, there is this this movie and book series called Twilight that seems to be quite the craze right now – I am not going to act all aloof and insist I am not aware of the phenomenon, but at the same time, I haven’t spent much time paying attention to it, as I am not a teenage girl nor am I a middle-aged woman desperately trying to relive their lost youth courtesy of some twisted masturbatory fantasy involving actors depicting characters old enough to be their children. Frankly, the fact that women in their 30s and 40s are going absolutely gaga over Twilight strikes me as more than creepy, but that’s another story altogether.
One man, however, who is not ashamed to express his affinity for adolescent fiction is Ron Artest. In fact, Artest is such a huge fan of the Twilight series that he actually attended the premiere for Twilight Saga: Eclipse (photographed above, with that one guy, whats-his-face) earlier this summer.
Artest discussed Twilight, among other topics, during an appearance with the “Rise Guys” on Sacramento’s KHTK. You can hear the entirety of the interview here, but what follows is a transcript of his thoughts concerning Twilight, including how he wishes he could be written into the story as a character who is some kind of cannibalistic devourer of vampires and werewolves…or something. I’m not entirely sure.
According to a report on TMZ, Earl Watson, a guard who played for the Indiana Pacers last season, filed for divorce last week from his actress wife, Jennifer Freeman (apparently, she was on that critically-acclaimed Wayans brother vehicle, My Wife and Kids), after he alleged that she viciously attacked him with an iron and bit him so hard on his chest that she broke the skin, causing bleeding. Kinky.
According to legal papers filed last week in L.A. County Superior Court, Watson claims things got bad on August 1st … when Jennifer received a suspicious text message at 11PM and Earl decided to check her phone.
Watson — who played with the Indiana Pacers last season — claims his wife was furious that he took the phone and reacted by hitting him “forcefully twice in the face with her right open hand.”
Watson claims Jennifer then “grabbed my right wrist and bit … breaking the skin, leaving teeth marks and drawing blood.” Once she let go of the wrist, Watson claims she then chomped down on his chest … again drawing blood.
Earl claims Jennifer then tried to attack him with an iron — but he was able to knock it out of her hand.
TMZ has since updated their original report after Watson’s attorney contacted the gossip site to inform them that Watson and Freeman (pictured above, in happier, less bitey, appliance-used-as-blunt weapon times) have reconciled and intend to live happily ever after, hopefully with out biting and iron play, unless that’s the kind of twisted sex stuff they like to get into, of course. To each their own, I guess.
Best of luck to the two lovebirds. May their ability to recover and move on after cannibalistic displays of jealousy and hostility and iron-wielding madness be an inspiration to all of us. If I could, I’d advise Watson to invest in a real nice muzzle, but you know, a jewel-encrusted one. Women do love diamonds.
There are not many events that are held where you might see an elderly, stodgy white guy whip out a ginormous jockstrap and promptly place it upon his head while giving a speech, much to the delight of those in attendance. The Karl Malone charity roast from way back in 2006 was such an event. For some reason, these photos are making their way around the internets again and for that, we should all be thankful, because it raises the issue of when putting a jockstrap upon one’s head is an appropriate move. My advice would be, whether you happen to be an old white guy or not, that one should not attempt such silly shenanigans while, say, giving a eulogy or when addressing equal rights for transgendered women. Sometimes, you have to know your audience. I only wish someone would had informed me of that sooner. I still feel horrible about my eulogy at my “Uncle” Vera’s funeral. Talk about a unique mix of mourners. Awkward.
Anyhoo, above is a photo of Frank Layden, who many of you might know as the former general manager of the Utah Jazz, hamming it up at said Karl Malone charity roast. The folks at Ball Don’t Lie have all the details from the athletic supporter as headwear blast from the past:
To honor their superstar power forward, the Jazz hosted a charity roast of Malone featuring videos from Shaquille O’Neal(notes), Charles Barkley and country music singer Neal McCoy, whose “Last of a Dying Breed” served as the roast’s theme. Things are getting weirder, since Karl Malone isn’t a guy you usually associate with joking around and having fun. If the Jazz had hosted a charity weightlifting demonstration, that would make total sense. Even an anti-fashion show, with models in stonewashed jeans and tiny ties, would be more logical.
Then, at the roast, Jazz general manager Frank Layden pulled out an enormous jock strap, called it Karl Malone’s and put it on his head to finish his time at the podium.
Brilliant. By all accounts, Layden’s performance was a rousing success, but if the organizers were uncomfortable with it, they should have felt some trepidation regarding Layden’s routine when he informed them his act was “going to be like Carrot Top, only edgier.” Yeah.
The Karl Malone charity roast was pretty weird [Ball Don't Lie]
No, really, Forbes actually ranked Kevin McHale the best general manager in sports back in 2007 when he was well on his way to completely ruining the Minnesota Timberwolves franchise (well KG had something to do with it too, but that’s another story for another time) – so take the fact that the esteemed magazine (except when it writes anything about sports, clearly) ranked Red Sox fans as America’s best with a grain of salt. Below is a brief explanation of the methods Forbes used in determining that a lowbred population of loudmouthed Yah Doods and their pink Red Sox hat-wearing hussy counterparts are the absolute best fans in the country. I’m just kidding, not every member of Red Sox Nation is a knuckle-dragging moron, just the ones that the average person comes into contact with on a daily basis. That’s all.
Via Forbes:
To produce a list of the best fans in U.S. sports, we looked at every team in the “Big Four” U.S. professional sports leagues: football (NFL), basketball (NBA), baseball (MLB), and hockey (NHL).
For each team, we gathered three different metrics. First, we measured their home and away game attendance, which indicates a team’s drawing power in its home market and nationwide. Then we counted their merchandise sales (Numbers for the NFL, NBA and MLB were provided to us by Sportsonesource, a sporting good industry analyst, and the NHL gave us their own data). Finally, we ranked each team’s in-market popularity, based on surveys of American sports teams by Turnkey Sports and Entertainment. We ranked all of the teams, then took the top four from each of the four leagues.
How scientifical. It’s almost like they put some real honest effort into this exercise. Oh, and if you happen to be curious, Steeler Nation came in at second best, followed by, er, Red Wings Nation at the third spot. Fascinating.
Well done, Forbes, but no matter how scientifically sound your methods happen to be and irrespective of whether or not any of your sports-related findings end up being generally agreed upon by most people, whatever sports-related findings your periodical comes up with, no one is going to buy it, Because you, Forbes, named Kevin McHale the best general manager in sports.
EVERYONE DENIES THIS!!
America’s Best Sports Fans [Forbes]
Best General Managers In Sports [Forbes]
Now, I’m not trying to blow your mind on a Monday as you try to start off your week on a good note, but shockingly, said former Cleveland Cavaliers player who will play for the Miami Heat next season that took out a full-page ad in Sunday’s edition of the Cleveland Plain Dealer was not LeBron James.
(head asplodes)
I know, I know, right? Crazy stuff. Instead, it was longtime Cavs center Zydrunas Ilgauskas who ponied up the cash to personally thank the fans and the community of Cleveland for all their support during the twelve years he spent “pulling on the wine and gold” and stepping “onto the court.”
Here’s the ad which should show LeBron James a thing or two about the right way to treat people who have supported you over the years:
Get ready to experience the crazy, those of you who actually spend some of your hard-earned money to subscribe to ESPN The Magazine (and yes, I know, if you subscribe you to that testament in periodical mediocrity you become an ESPN Insider on their website which allows you to read thought-provoking columns by Buster Olney and Adam Schefter and whoever else tWWL hides behind their Iron-Clad Gate Of Internet Iniquity, but who cares)…
Holy parenthetical tangent, Batman! No wonder why I have never been asked to be a guest editor for ESPN The Magazine. But Ron Artest has been asked, and that, I suppose, is the central theme I am failing horribly to address here.
Allow me to move on by simply quoting the ESPN press release which announces that they have selected the zaniest of the zany from the world of professional sports to run the 4th annual “Revenge of the Jocks” issue.
Fresh off an NBA championship win, Lakers forward Ron Artest is still looking to accomplish more. One thing he can now check off his list: guest editing the fourth annual ESPN The Magazine Revenge of the Jocks Issue, in which The Mag turns over an entire issue to an athlete. In his story, “Under The Dome,” Artest delves a little deeper into his own head—like he usually does with his on-court opponents—by interviewing his toughest rival…himself. In the Q&A he asks (and answers): “When did it become about winning for you?”; “Now that you’ve won a title, do you still have any personal goals in the NBA?” and “Do you still want to play for Team USA?” In addition to being editor in chief for the day, Artest participated in interviews, photo shoots and meetings with staffers.
There is a bunch of other stuff featured in the issue that I am sure will be a delight to read by those out there who are happy to get their sports fix in magazine form courtesy of a rag that provides a forum for Stu Scott to “holla” and Rick Reilly to “botha.”
Ron Artest Takes Over ESPN The Magazine as Editor in Chief of the Revenge of the Jocks Issue [ESPN Media Zone]
