Archive for Major League Baseball
Much like TBS did last year when they picked Bon Jovi as the band du jour for the network’s coverage of the 2009 MLB Playoffs, TBS has once again dug deep into dregs of marginally tolerable music and selected Kid Rock’s song “Born Free” as the official anthem of the 2010 MLB Playoffs, and are we not all thrilled by their decision. I, for one, cannot wait to have this goddamn song drilled into my head eleventy billion times.
The video, featuring clips of Kid Rock, doing whatever it is he does interspersed with MLB footage – if you cannot wait to see it played ad nauseum in between promos for Conan’s new show, which will also pummel your subconscious into submission – can be found right here.
But why Kid Rock (pictured above with Red Sox manager Terry Francona, Eschewer of Shirts) you ask? It’s simple, really. Turner Broadcasting wanted to select a musical act that is at least 5 years past their prime as well as annoy music purists like myself who are just waiting for somebody to give Boz Scaggs a chance – it’s all that’s standing between the Boz and a Tom Jones-like career renaissance. Just kidding. According to a statement issued by Turner, it’s all about synergy, folks. Via the Detroit Free Press:
Hoo boy, I cannot wait. Do you know what else I can’t wait for? Next year to see who TBS pulls out of their ass to be the official has-been of the 2011 MLB Playoffs. I don’t know about you guys, but I’m pulling for the Black Eyed Peas. It’s high time those guys catch a break.
Kid Rock’s ‘Born Free’ to be MLB playoffs theme [Detroit Free Press]
Get Ready To Get Sick Of Conan O’Brien [Walkoff Walk]
(previously at the Sportress: Hey TBS, Go F**k Yourself)
Who says the stereotypical sports fan is a sloppy, knuckle-dragging troglodyte who could give a rip about fashion and style? Well, to be honest, I would, but how then could I explain our collective fascination with the hairstyles of professional athletes which has taken the internets by storm this week? First it was Troy Polamalu and the publicity stunt pulled by Head & Shoulders when the shampoo took out a $1 million insurance policy with Lloyd’s of London on the safety’s hair. Next up was the news that the St. Louis Cardinals all shaved their heads in some misguided attempt to inspire team unity and currently, everyone is talking about whether Manny Ramirez will show up sans dreadlocks when he makes his first appearance with his new team, the White Sox, due to the the team’s strict policy covering the appearances of its players.
Said White Sox GM Kenny Williams (via the Chicago Tribune):
“We have a certain way we like to have our players represent us, and that was discussed quite some time ago with one of my coaches,” Williams said Monday in response to a question about the Sox’s rules governing appearance and Ramirez’s dreadlocks.
“We’ll just wait and let you see how they decide to handle it. From my understanding, it’s not going to be an issue, and he’s going to make an adjustment and conform to how we like to have our players represented out there.”
The anticipation is simply killing me! You know what we need? More coverage entirely dedicated to the intersection of fashion and sports. I can see it now: ESPN Fashion! with Mario Lopez as the host. The guy has previous experience with the network on ESPN Hollywood (which shockingly lasted three entire episodes) and it couldn’t get much worse than that televised abomination, could it? Yeah, on second thought, I guess it could. But that doesn’t mean ESPN won’t take a shot.
Finally, since this post is about haircuts, I would be remiss if I did not make a reference to the song “Cut Your Hair” by Pavement. I believe that’s in the blogger bylaws, folks. Nothing I can do about it.
And one last thing: hey, Manny: NO BIG HAIR!!
Will Manny lose the dreadlocks? [Chicago Tribune]
Cut ups: Cardinals get new ‘dos [AP]
(previously at the Sportress: Head & Shoulders Took Out $1 Million Insurance Policy On Troy Polamalu’s Hair)
Is it just me or are the walls melting?
I have never have had the pleasure to attend a live performance of any kind for a children’s program, be it The Wiggles or Yo Gabba Gabba!, so perhaps one of you Sportress readers can answer this question for me: is it common for these shows to feature as much psychedelic imagery as the standard Pink Floyd: The Wall laser light show? That is some freaky-deaky stuff going on there. Is it possible that these kind of performances are slowly transforming our nation’s youth into a bunch of spaced-out tweakers?
At the same time, as The700Level points out, at least the Phillie Phanatic might have found some kindred spirits in the Yo Gabba Gabba! crew who share similar interests as it does. You know, like unintentionally terrifying children and psychologically scarring them for life and whatnot.
[H/T The700Level]
The video documentation of little kids pounding brewskis at baseball games are becoming shockingly commonplace, but that doesn’t mean we cannot still get our kicks watching the horrendous examples of horrible parenting skills on display in major league ballparks all across this great, beer-guzzling country of ours.
The most recent entry into the pantheon of Parents Turning Their Kids Into Problem Drinkers Before They Get To Kindergarten comes from Kansas City, where one mother appears to have no problem allowing her son to tip back a Miller Lite bottle while taking in a recent Royals-Yankees game.
I mean, the kid is really getting after it, like this isn’t his first go-round with malted barley and hops. But as anyone who has attended a Royals game can attest, it gets pretty hot out there in the stands at Kauffman Stadium. The product on the field certainly doesn’t help matters, either. That should be the Royals new unofficial slogan: “The Kansas City Royals: So Bad, Even Kids Need To Drink To Watch Them.”
All I can say is that mom is lucky she wasn’t letting her son drink Miller High Life. My guess is that the High Life Delivery Guy wouldn’t have been too impressed with her style of negligent parenting and then you know what happens: no Champagne of Beers for any Royals fans and that’s not good for anybody.
[H/T to the always-excellent Busted Coverage]
Yet another example of why one should always keep their head on a swivel when sitting down the baselines at a baseball game. This poor fan attending the White Sox-Yankees game on Sunday at U.S. Cellular Field in Chicago got absolutely drilled by a foul ball lined into the stands about the first base dugout during the 7th inning of the Yankees’ 2-1 victory. He required medical attention and was escorted from his seat by stadium personnel.
The video isn’t the greatest and it is difficult to see the actual impact, but it is certainly clear the guy was knocked out cold by the ball. I especially like the guy sitting next to him who believes that by immediately applying more pressure to the point of impact with his hand will somehow help the situation. Too bad he didn’t have a sharp stick to jab into the guy’s temple. Nice move, Trapper John, M.D. At the same time, I have no idea how I would have reacted if I were placed in a similar situation other than soiling myself after experiencing such a close call. My stunning good looks are my livelihood, people.
Line drive hits fan in head [ESPN Chicago]
Gather ’round, all ye worshipers and followers of tWWLism, for today truly is a blessed day. You see, one of the church’s great sages, Curt Schilling, read the tea leaves, prayed for guidance and because of his devotion and reverence to the mystical ways regarding the coolness of other side of the pillow, issued a prophecy earlier this week which, brace yourselves, actually came out to be true. Hallelujah! Praise be to Norby!
Now get down on your knees and genuflect, heathens!
From the Book of ESPN Media Zone, the chapter “Schilling Predicted Tommy John Surgery for Strasburg During Tuesday’s Baseball Tonight”:
ESPN baseball analyst Curt Schilling predicted Tommy John surgery would be in order for Washington Nationals rookie ace Stephen Strasburg during Tuesday’s Baseball Tonight (Aug. 24). Schilling examined the delivery mechanics of Strasburg and compared them to Florida Marlins starting pitcher Josh Johnson – both tall right-handed pitchers – to demonstrate the added strain Strasburg places on his arm. The Nationals announced today that Strasburg will most likely require the surgery.
Are you trying to tell me that Schilling, in his infinite wisdom, correctly deduced something which almost every educated baseball analyst suspected might be the end result after Strasburg dejectedly walked off the mound in the middle of his start against the Phillies on Saturday? Genius! Or Divine Insight? Hard to say.
But perhaps most irritating aspect of this entire story is that ESPN felt compelled to actually brag about the fact that one of their own actually got something right for a change. Truth be told, ESPN has had this kind of plan in place for some time for Chris Mortensen, they’re just waiting for that dolt to break a story and have it be correct for once.
Schilling Predicted Tommy John Surgery for Strasburg During Tuesday’s Baseball Tonight [ESPN Media Zone]
Run for your friggin’ lives! It’s the End of Days! I’m talking about a total Straspocalypse!
At least that’s the position presently being taken by several prominent national baseball writers in the wake of the apparently tragic, sky-is-falling, end-of-the-world, might-as-well-shut-down-Major-League-Baseball news that Nationals pitching phenom Stephen Strasburg has a torn ligament in his elbow and will require Tommy John surgery. Heading up the “NOTHING WILL EVER BE THE SAME – EVER!” contingent of journalists are ESPN’s Jayson Stark and SI’s Michael Rosenberg, whose columns, “Loss of Stephen Strasburg a huge one” and “Strasburg injury is bad for the Nationals and sad for all of us” respectively are so chock-full of hyperbole and pseudo-idol worship I am left concerned that these two nitwits are locked in a dark room, listening to “I Know It’s Over” by The Smiths and repeatedly cutting themselves with a rusty butter knife.
He’s also going to retire from being the stadium’s in-house musician. Bam!
Hays, 75, citing a desire to spend more time with Loreta, his wife of more than 55 years, and their grandchildren, announced that after 40 years as the Maestro of the Redbirds, this season will be his last year behind the keys at Busch Stadium. Via the St. Louis Post-Dispatch:
“I’m slowing down,” said Hays. “I’m not really retiring, just slowing down and spending more time with the grandkids and the fishing pole.”
In the era of canned music blaring out of the speakers at ear-bleeding level, with the hippity hop and the rappity rap the kids are listening to these days while wearing their pants on the ground, it’s sad to see another casualty of these modern times. Call me an old fuddy-duddy, but the sound of a man sitting all by himself playing with his organ is always soothing to me when I attend a game at the ballpark. It reminds me of something I cannot quite put my finger on, but my therapist and I are presently working through that with repressed memory therapy.
St. Louis Cardinals icon, organist Ernie Hays, is calling it quits when this season ends [St. Louis Post-Dispatch]
Um, yeah. According to Ramirez, it’s supposed to be blond. It goes without saying that Ramirez performed this hairdon’t on himself, but methinks he didn’t read the instructions on the box of Nice ‘N Easy unless the he was purchased and was going for the “Diarrhea Orange” color.
I guess I can’t say I blame him. Clearly, Ramirez woke up yesterday and realized he was tired with the same old same old needed to make a change, so like any normal man, the remedy for such a predicament was to try out a new hair color. It also coincided with Ramirez dropping down from leadoff to his new spot in the batting order, third, which became an easy decision for Marlins manager Edwin Rodriguez once he saw the new hair color, saying, “That was the turning point — I saw his hair color and it looked like a three hitter.”
I don’t know about you, but after seeing it, I might have thought it looked like Ramirez had a one-hitter or two before coming up with this hairbrained scheme (no pun intended), but that’s just me. Although judging from his performance in last night’s game against the Mets, it appears the new hairstyle, while hideous, might already be paying dividends: he went 4-5 with an RBI and a run scored in Florida’s 5-4 victory.
I suppose we should allow Ramirez to defend his actions himself. Video follows.
It was “Show Bud Selig Some Love For Once Day” in Milwaukee, as various MLB dignitaries mingled with former Brewers greats to pay homage to the former used car salesman who, despite the odds against him, returned Major League Baseball to the fair city. The Brewers organization paid tribute to the man by erecting a statue outside of Miller Park, where it joins statues memorializing the great contributions Robin Yount and Hank Aaron made to the city of Milwaukee’s baseball teams over the years.
Selig, displaying a self-deprecating sense of humor rarely seen, had some fun with the fact that he may not be the most good looking of men:
”Given the guy didn’t have much to work with because I was never confused with Clark Gable, I thought he did a masterful job,” Selig said at the unveiling Tuesday. ”I thought he captured me really remarkably well.”
Clark Gable? Why didn’t you dig a little deeper into the past for your “here’s an example of a guy who was far more handsome than me” reference? Why not go with Rudolph Valentino or you know, Joseph Merrick?
All kidding aside, the much reviled commissioner was clearly moved by the honor bestowed upon him (via FOX Sports/AP):
”In my respects, I see this as a tribute of a lifetime of service to my sport, my state and community,” Selig said of the statue. ”A community in which I was born and raised and continue to live. You have no idea how deeply touched I am.”
”I hope that one day when a child walks past that statue and says to his parent and asks, ‘Who’s that?’ the parent will say, ‘He was just a passionate man from Milwaukee, a youngster who just like you had a dream to make this a better place. He never lost hope and he never lost faith and through it he made baseball (and) the community a better place in which to live,”’ he said.
Okay. Now that we’ve properly honored the man, let us resume the vitriolic, unadulterated hatred for the guy. Just as it should be.
Selig statue unveiled at Brewers’ park [FOX Sports/AP]
