When I first came across this story, I was mortified. Why would there ever be a last call for hummers? Everybody likes them and are a great means of birth control, almost better than pulling out. So when I found out it was about those oversized pieces of crap six-miles-to-the-gallon tank-cars, I was thankful.

I guess what I am saying is I would never pay money for a hummer, but I would gladly take one for free. I’m not sure which one I am referring to now. Huh.

On to the usual dog and pony show.

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With the moniker Weed Against Speed, I would be remiss if I did not at the very least acknowledge 4/20. So there you go. Happy 420, everyone.

If you don’t know but have ever wondered what the meaning is behind the 420 phenomenon, read this.

Enjoy.

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Guh. Here, just read the article yourself if you’re interested. I’m too busy dreaming of the day when medical marijuana dispensaries are on every street corner. Won’t that be a glorious, perma-grin world to live in?

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Oh, you’re still here? Apologies.

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Via The Republican Journal (wha??):

The Chocolate Bunnies you see are running out fast. We have just 4 white chocolate bunnies left and 7 dark chocolate, both in various sizes.

Milk chocolate are in better supply but they will go fast tomorrow morning so shop early to get the best selection.

You snooze, you lose, you liberal elite bitches!

Fascinating stuff, I know. Let’s just move on, shall we?

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Sadly, the era of ladies night is tragically coming to an end – at least in Gainesville, Florida.

They’ll be notifying 115 bars and restaurants in the city limits in the next few days that they will no longer be able to give discounts based on gender, reports the Gainesville Sun.

Cecil Howard, the city’s director of equal opportunity, said the city hasn’t gotten any complaints about discrimination based on these sorts of promotions. But they are taking a cautious route.

Gainesville officials are following a pattern in other places, from Clearwater to California, where discrimination laws have been strictly interpreted to strike down such discounts.

Wait. The city has a director of equal opportunity? What the hell? They should have a director of letting women get drunk and loose department, if you ask me.

But what do I know? On to the usual tomfoolery.

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Unbeknownst to yours truly, there is some new multi-player online game in development called APB, and further, last week was last call for people to sign up to be a beta tester for it. Here is a brief description of the game, courtesy of G4:

Developed by David Jones, creator on the Grand Theft Autos eries, this APB is a massively multiplayer online game based in living, breathing cities replicated from famous locales all over the world. APB is a turf war involving two main factions — the Squads, whose goal is to uphold the law, and the Gangs, who seek to break the law at all costs. Players will be able to choose their side.

Sounds far out, but one question: who has the time to get involved in something like this? It seems far too involved for someone like me. I can scarcely scratch together enough time to play a couple games of Wii Bowling or better yet, an online curling  tournament (hey Gally, it’s been two weeks. What’s the deal? Heard anything?) with my blogging buddies.

So there you go. Another cool thing with which to waste time is sadly passing me by. It sure does suck getting old.

On that happy note, on to the usual routine.

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I knew eventually this day would come, but that doesn’t mean I cannot be devastated by the news. That’s right: after more than 50 years of comedy, the Smothers Brothers may be calling it quits.

You know, this is just too hard to write about at this moment. Forgive me.

(sobs)

Okay, I feel a little better. On to the usual routine.

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Yes, it’s about that time once again for a bunch of bloggers with no lives to crowd into a virtual game room and engage in a curling tournament. Sounds exciting, doesn’t it?

Well, for those of you who do not find online curling tournaments engaging, here are some items to help you pass the time this evening. Enjoy.

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Why spend a Tuesday night bored off your ass when you can watch some of your favorite blogging personalities engage in an online curling tournament? Exciting, right?

That’s right, Blogs With Stones II is tonight. Action kicks off at 7:30 ET at playcurling.com. If it is the same as last week, the tournament will be held in Room #8 Room #13. I believe you will have to set up an account to enter the room, but it might be worth it and there are always people around interested in a pick-up game. You can also follow the online smack talk at #blogswithstones on Twitter. It’s gonna be off the hook, y’all! So head on over and cheer on your favorite blogger! Or the one you hate the least. It’s up to you, really.

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As regular, devoted readers of the Sportress, you are keenly aware of the incredible effort and intense focus it requires to continually churn out rock solid sports analysis like I do on a daily basis. Because of this, I was unable to adequately prepare a suitable introduction to tonight’s Last Call. I’m sure you will understand. The brilliance on display here can be extremely exhausting.

Ah, who am I kidding? I’m just too lazy to go look for something. Again, I’m sure you folks understand.

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