Archive for Hockey
In Russia, Stick Slapshots You!
Posted by: | CommentsYes, I went there. Yakov Smirnoff would be proud, if he wasn’t so dead on the inside.
One thing you can say about the Russians, it’s that they are passionate about pretty much everything. Sometimes psychotically passionate, sure, but they care, and that’s what counts.
On March 14th, Avtomobilist Ekaterinburg was facing the visiting Salavat Yulaev Ufa in a KHL playoff game when a crazed (but passionate, remember) fan somehow got close enough to Salavat Yulaev Ufa’s backup goalie, Vitaly Kolesnik, to grab the stick out of his hands and hit the goaltender hard enough to bust his head open. Sheesh.
Kolesnik was taken to the hospital and diagnosed with a concussion, and backup goalie, who played for the Colorado Avalanche at one time, is relieved that was all he suffered, because according to doctors, it could have been much, much worse.
“I guess I was lucky.
“Doctors who treated me said if the hit was just a centimeter or two to the side, I could have been dead or left paralyzed.”
Scary stuff, man.
The KHL jumped to action – because they are first-class and well-run organization, of course – in Bizarro World – and fined Avtomobilist Ekaterinburg 1 million roubles ($34,000) for not providing adequate security. Yeah, that’ll learn ‘em. But what about the goofy bastard who attacked Kolesnik? Police said the man faces criminal charges, which in Russia I assume means a one-way train ticket to Siberia. The Russians still send people to Siberia, right? If they don’t, well, they should.
Video: Fan attacks KHL goalie with stick on team bench [Puck Daddy]
Fan grabs goaltender’s stick and hits him over head [Reuters]
For Those Of You Who Might Get Off By Watching Linda Cohn Play Hockey…
Posted by: | CommentsHere you go.
To each their own, I say. Some people can get off to some crazy stuff. I have heard stories about guys who actually rub one out while looking at photos of Cindy Brunson playing backgammon, for crying out loud.
Not me, of course. I’m more of a “Cindy Brunson playing Parcheesi” kind of guy. Call me a little odd, but I find the “Royal Game of India” to be incredibly erotic.
Okay, ESPN female anchor masturbatory references aside, Miss Cohn had a wonderful time playing hockey at the Pond in Anaheim Sunday, as evidenced by her comments on Twitter:
What a blast! Good news I stopped 41 shots. Bad news we lost 9-1. Sending pix soon. Watch late Sportscenter tonight. Think I made Top plays!
Ooh, pics, you say? Kinky.
Man, you have to give the I.O.C. credit for how quickly they are able get video of Olympic events taken down off YouTube and other media sites. They are damn near as efficient and stealthy at extinguishing any potential uprising or questioning of their supreme authority as the Gestapo.
Obviously, I would have loved to have embedded the video of Alexander Ovechkin absolutely destroying Jaromir Jagr during Russia’s 4-2 dispatching of the the Czech Republic yesterday. It was easily one of the highlights of the Olympics thus far and Ovie hit Jagr so hard any future offspring of Jaromir’s are going to be born dizzy. Further, it was a huge moment in the game itself, as the hit was the catalyst to Evegeni Malkin’s second goal of the game only 1:49 into the third period which gave the Russians a commanding 3-1 lead.
Of course, you can see video of the hit here. But do you know what the IOC Secret Police In Charge Of Copyright Enforcement and Protection)(SPICOCEP, for short) cannot do? At least at this point, they cannot prevent animated .gifs like the one below from seeing the light of the day.
Sure, it’s not perfect or incredibly clear, I think this qualifies as scoring one for the little guy. ¡Viva la Revolucion!
Malkin Scores 2, Russia Reaches Hockey Quarters [ABC News]
Ovechkin earns gold for open-ice Jagr destruction; was it legal? [Puck Daddy]
Hey, I wouldn’t have done it if I wasn’t required to do so in accordance with the Articles and Bylaws of Sports Bloggery. My hands were tied here, which is also how I envision the condition Gary Coleman’s hands shortly after this photo was snapped.
BAM! How do you like them apples? Which is what I imagine Mark Messier said while teabagging Gary Coleman shortly after this photo was taken.
HEY-OH! Actually, this whole act is just plain wrong – which is what I imagine Mark Messier said after teabagging Gary Coleman shortly after the above photo was taken.
What’s that? Oh yeah, the Mark Messier news. Yeah, apparently he’s been named the general manager for the 2010 IIHF World Hockey Championship by Hockey Canada, which is scheduled to take place May 7th through the 23rd in Germany. So, that’s pretty cool for Messier – I am sure he is very proud, which I reckon is the exact opposite of the way he felt shortly after the above photo was taken.
HOCKEY CANADA NAMES MESSIER GM OF 2010 WORLDS [TSN]
The Swedish Chef From The Muppets Gives This Goal Celebration Four Out Of Five ‘Borks!’
Posted by: | CommentsWhat we have here is 18-year-old Swede Henrik Andersen celebrating a nifty forehand-to-backhand-through-the-defenseman’s-legs goal for his Swedish Tier 2 team Leksand, the first of the season. Things didn’t go well or as planned when Anderson breaks through the glass by the endboards and winds up on his ass outside the rink.
Thankfully, according to Sean Leahy over at Puck Daddy, Andersen was not injured and his team went on to beat Bjorkloven 4-0.
Bjorkloven? Hey, I love the Icelandic singer-songwriter as much as the next guy – which is not at all – but there’s no way I’m naming my team after that nutjob.
His crash through the glass reminds me of Minnesota Wild enforcer – and one of my all-time favorite players – Derek BOOOOGAAARD!!, and how he went flying through the glass on a missed check during his time in minors. Video after the jump.
Alex Ovechkin Scores Twice In 27 Seconds, Beats My Personal Record
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Still adjusting to head coach Bruce Boudreau’s line-shuffling, Alexander Ovechkin still has seven goals in seven games, which I guess is a pretty good scoring clip. Add on seven assists and you could say that Ovie is on a friggin’ tear, which shouldn’t be surprising to anyone, since the guy has been on a tear for four years.
Two of those goals came last night in a span of 27 seconds, as the Capitals took it to the Sharks and throttled them 4-1, snapping a four-game losing skid. Ovie was pleased with the effort but understands much more work is needed, including getting acclimated to his new linemates.
“It’s different, yeah, but we continue to work and everybody understands right now it doesn’t matter who you play with,” Ovechkin said. “You have to work hard and try to win the games.”
Indeed, Ovie, indeed. But two scores in 27 seconds? That is pretty impressive and like I mentioned, beat my personal scoring record.
Of course, I’m not referring to scoring in hockey. I can barely stand up on skates. Nevertheless, a piece of advice: if you ever discover the whereabouts of a weekend retreat for sex addicts, pitch a tent somewhere nearby. You won’t be sorry.
Oh, and bring some ice.
Where was I? Oh yeah, video of Ovie’s goals after the jump.
Fun With Headlines: They Prefer To Be Referred To As “Little People”
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Now I’m not sure how they do things up in Canuckistan, but I still have to question the motives behind this headline, not to mention the fairness of the competition which is being reported.
At first, I thought it was about a bunch of surly Canadian women beating the tar out of some little people for fun – rumor has it that originally, the sport of curling used a portly petite person instead of the curling stone we have grown accustomed to today, so I wouldn’t put anything past our friends to the North – but apparently, I guess simply for the fun of it, the Canadian women’s hockey team took on a team comprised entirely of little people. And big surprise, they beat them, but only by a score of 3-2.
Come on, Canada, hockey is your national sport and your women’s team narrowly beat a bunch of little people? They have those real weird arms so I imagine their puck handling is suspect to say the least. And the goalie? Can they even reach the upper corners of the net? And what’s the deal with Triple-A Midgets? Is that some sort of joke? Have the Canadians comprised some sort of totally inappropriate rating system for little people? Or are they attempting to make some sort of Smurfs joke? You know, Triple-A = Three Apples High? I’m sorry, but everything about this story is just plain wrong.
Shame on you, Canada.
CANADIAN WOMEN BEAT CALGARY TRIPLE-A MIDGETS [TSN/The Canadian Press]
