Archive for College Football
By all accounts, Stewart Mandel is an incredibly talented and knowledgeable journalist who does a bang-up job covering college football for Sports Illustrated, but seriously? It’s not even September yet and we’re forecasting potential bowl matchups? And we’re not even talking about the BCS bowls, which one could argue would be at least a more manageable, less maddening endeavor. I am certainly not knowledgeable enough to go through Mandel’s projections and pinpoint where he may have a matchup wrong, but even if I was, what would be the point in doing so? So many things can occur between now and December that could cause this entire thing to completely come apart at the seams, not to mention, as Mandel points out himself, that “bowls are NOT obligated to choose their teams in exact order of conference standings.” So, not only is one dealing with a multitude of teams and millions of scenarios which are impossible to forecast, but also the arbitrary whims of bowl committees.
At the same time, what’s worse? Someone taking the time to predict all 35 bowl matchups or me taking the time to complain about it? That’s a tough one to call as well.
Ain’t no stopping the Minnesota Golden Gophers football team now!
In the interest of the mistaken idea that humiliating fellow members of a squad magically inspires team unity and the reasoning by senior center D.J. Burris that “tradition has to start somewhere,” no matter how idiotic, for the first time, despite the claim by the upperclassmen that it was a long-standing ritual, every freshman offensive line player was forced to sit down in a makeshift barber’s chair and be on the receiving end of a hideous new haircut.
I suppose dire straits require desperate measures. Try these stats on for size (via the Star Tribune): the Gophers were dead last in rushing yards in the Big Ten, allowed the most sacks in the Big Ten which ranked them 113th out of 120 major college programs. Not pretty. But neither are the haircuts, which I have no reason not to assume that this will propel the Gophers football program up to the upper echelon of the Big Ten. I guess the only thing left for Gophers Nation is to book their tickets and reserve their hotel rooms for New Year’s Day, 2011, in Pasadena, right?
Really bad hair day might be right look for U offensive line [Star Tribune]
Credit goes out to the great Spencer Hall over at Every Day Should Be Saturday for coming across this tweet from Keith McMillan who covers Division 3 Football for the appropriately-named D3Football.com. While Mr. McMillan does not reveal which D3 football coach provided that quote, it does give valuable insight to what makes D3 football, despite its lack of top-notch talent on the field as well as the coaching ranks, such a compelling thing to cover for the aspiring sports journalist: quotes about ice cream getting pumped up people’s butts.
Which brings me to my next thought: the quote is rather vague, isn’t it? Who is on the receiving end, so to speak, of the ice cream enema and who is the sick bastard administering the chilly procedure? Is the press pumping the coach’s colon full of Peppermint Bon Bon or Rocky Road and then telling the press about it or is something else going on here? It’s all so confusing. And unappetizing. There goes my idea of getting a Frosty as part of my lunch.
We covered this story yesterday here at the Sportress with words and stuff, but if you are the kind of person who likes “talky pictures,” above is video of Bobby Petrino briefly castigating Renee Gork after she did the unthinkable and wore a Florida Gators hat to the Arkansas football coach’s press conference.
Of course, this whole controversy which culminated in Gork being fired from Hog Sports Radio (sooo-eeeee!) for her audacious fashion faux pas, has now become a case of “He Said, She Said,” as both Gork and radio station general manager both made appearances on the Dan Patrick radio program to tell their side of the story.
In the end, Bobby Petrino, whether he intended to or not, played a key role in this woman losing her job, all because she was not properly showing her loyalty to the team she was paid to cover. And if there is one thing Bobby Petrino knows a lot about, it’s loyalty. No, I’m not familiar with Petrino’s previous relationship with the Atlanta Falcons, why do you ask?
Video: Petrino ‘addresses’ Gator-clad media member [College Football Talk]
Fired Reporter, Radio Station GM Spar Over Hat-Gate Firing [Sports Radio Interviews]
(previously at the Sportress: Free (Lady Who Was Fired From An Arkansas Radio Station For Wearing A Gators) Hat!)
In one of the most ridiculous examples of “When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong” as it pertains to deep-seated paranoia and the iron-fisted grip college football coaches hold over the media which covers them, Renee Bork, a radio personality employed by KAKS, also known as “Hog Sports Radio,” has been summarily fired for having the audacity to wear a Florida Gators hat to a press conference of Bobby Petrino, the head coach of the Arkansas Razorbacks. From CBS Sports:
Petrino, whose team lost to the Gators last season 23-20 at Florida, commented on Gork’s hat after answering a question she asked. “And that will be the last question I answer with that hat on,” Petrino said.
Gork, a Florida graduate, said she grabbed the hat without thinking Saturday because it was raining outside. She also said she sent a letter of apology to the university and Petrino.
“Was hoping to publicly apologize to coach Petrino and UA fans on the show today … but I won’t get that chance,” Gork wrote on KAKS’ Twitter account. “I’ve been fired.”
Nope. That’s not stupefyingly absurd at all. Thankfully, for the sanctity of the program which he oversees, Bobby Petrino understands that one cannot tolerate such a callous affront to the integrity of Arkansas Razorbacks football. This gal Gork is lucky she simply was fired and did not get terrorized by a slack-jawed populace while being chased out of Arkansas by an angry mob waving pitchforks and carrying torches. At least one good thing has come out of this preposterous turn of events for the newly unemployed Gork: she won’t have to sit through another mind-numbing exercise in unchecked egomania which clearly typifies a Bobby Petrino press conference.
And speaking of hats, Petrino, by showing he has the maturity of a petulant toddler, has shown himself to be a Grade-A Asshat. Jagoff.
Arkansas broadcaster fired for wearing Gators hat [CBS Sports]
The powers-that-be rolled 784-year-old Penn State football coach Joe Paterno into Chicago for Big Ten media days and numerous reporters, bloggers and even folks running Penn State-centric sites have taken notice of his aged, croaky and decrepit appearance, even for a person as ancient as Joe Pa. To be fair to the old coot, he is still recovering from some intestinal maladies which he has been experiencing since spring, but he nevertheless looks more tired and worn out than many who have spent years covering the iconic coach have ever seen him.
While going through numerous photos of Paterno from the Big Ten’s Meet and Greet yesterday, I attempted to come up with an apt comparison for Joe Paterno’s physical appearance. Ultimately, I arrived at one: he is beginning to resemble a Jim Henson-created puppet, one that might have had a place in Henson’s and Frank Oz’s delightful 1982 movie, The Dark Crystal. If you have been unfortunate enough to have never seen this brilliant film which is a testament to the wonders of puppetry moved along by dark, moody, fantasy storytelling, by all means check it out.
While Paterno’s appearance is not exactly representative of any particular character from The Dark Crystal, he does however resemble what the offspring if two of the primary races of creatures which inhabit the mystical world of Thra: the urSheks and the Skeksis were to mate.
Just attempting to gauge whether or not any of you loyal Sportress devotees (all four of ya) happen to be Spider-Man aficionados. If you happen to be a die-hard fan of the noted web-slinging wall-crawler, I imagine your spider-sense is tingling right about now due to the mention of Dr. Curt Connors, who of course is the mutated archenemy of Spider-Man, better known as The Lizard.
Even without being a Spider-Man fan, any lover of fine art can certainly agree that this is a mesmerizing piece of artistic brilliance. I don’t know about anyone else, but the artist’s provocative use of color, controlled tones and interesting depiction of anthropomorphic alligators seem to indicate great vulnerability, a man-child crying out for love, an innocent orphan in the post-modern world. On the other hand, he could also be a parasite. A sexually-depraved miscrient, who is seeking to gratify only his most basic and immediate urges. Or maybe a little bit of both. Who knows?
I do know, however, that the fine folks over at Every Day Should Be Saturday, who originally discovered this piece, have speculated as to how a conversation between Football Alligator Man and Basketball Alligator Man would go. It’s a real hoot. Almost as amusing as the idea of some yahoo painting alligators with human characteristics holding trophies and shaking hands standing in a swamp while wearing Florida Gators jerseys.
Yeah.
Oh dear. That ain’t good.
In what may turn out to be known as the Day of the DUI given Chris Simms’ marijuana-fueled joyride, Georgia Athletic Director Damon Evans was also busted late Wednesday by police for driving while under the influence. Only in his case it wasn’t the dankety dank cheeba that got him, but sweet, sweet liquor instead. Via the Atlanta Journal-Constitution:
A Georgia State Patrol trooper pulled over Evans, in his 2009 BMW, shortly before midnight at Roswell Road and Chastain Drive.
“The trooper made the traffic stop after observing the manner he was driving,” said Gordy Wright, the state patrol spokesman. “He got him stopped, detected an odor of alcohol, administered field sobriety and determined he was less safe to be driving.”
The trooper arrested him on charges of DUI and failure to maintain his lane, and took him to the Atlanta city jail. Evans refused to take a breath test, Wright said.
A sad, embarrassing situation to be sure, but it gets even worse, especially after SPORTSbyBROOKS pointed out that Evans filmed an anti-drunk driving spot which is played before all Bulldogs home football games:
Now that Florida football head coach Urban Meyer has divulged that his chest pains were not from a heart condition but instead were the result of esophageal spasms, Gator Nation likely let out a collective sigh of relief.
Speaking at the SEC annual spring meetings Tuesday, Meyer had this to say about his health scare last December (via CBS Sports):
“The biggest thing is I wanted to find out what those darn chest pains were and I did,” Meyer said. “It’s esophageal spasms and they’ve got me on some medications. I’ve just got to be smarter in the future and I’m going to be. I’m not going to let that happen again.
“But the biggest thing was all that was related to what the heck were those pains going through my chest. Once you find out what it is, life gets a little better quickly.”
While I admire that Meyer’s health care providers are aggressively treating his condition with medication, perhaps instead of over-medicating (which seems to be a big problem in this society nowadays), perhaps a more holistic approach would have been the better course of treatment. That is, instead of treating the after-effects of his condition, wouldn’t it have been more appropriate to take care of what was actually causing his esophageal spasms in the first place?
While I can only infer what exactly is the source of the problem, I have a pretty good guess what caused it. That is why I suggest Urban use the below product when he first feels a spasm coming on:
After easily handling Natalie Gulbis in the first round (55%-45%) and weathering a hard-fought battle, even losing at one point but finishing strong in the round of 32, but ultimately prevailing over Danica Patrick (56%-44%), loverboy-football-coaching-hottie Lane Kiffin is now finds himself in the Sweet 16 of Esquire‘s Sexiest Woman Alive Madness Bracket.
But as you can see above, the deeper you go in the tourney the stiffer the competition. Kiffin will have his hands full in this round with the stunning soccer-playing beauty Heather Mitts.
Here’s how Esquire sees the epic matchup:
He’s not the tourney’s only Cinderella, but Lane Kiffin does have the distinction of being its only male contestant. Through grit and sheer anti-determination (and maybe because he takes such good care of his hair), Kiffin was able to make it farther than Tennessee fans — and even the selection committee — ever thought possible. Especially considering his pump-up routine.
As for Heather Mitts, it’s no surprise that voters would be unfamiliar with her program. She plays soccer… in the United States. Although Kiffin may have the higher national profile, Mitts does have a slight advantage: She is a woman. (And in the span of her career, she’s won only twelve fewer football games.)
Zing. With 10 days left to vote, you best get yourself over to the site and vote for your favorite hotties of the year. Start with voting for Kiffin here.
If Kiffin can somehow manage to vanquish Miss Mitts, the road to the Final Four will prove to be a difficult one to say the least. The other matchup in the Sports bracket is a no-holds-barred grope-fest (we wish) between Stacy Kiebler and Tanith Belbin. Nice.
But if Kiffin has proven one thing, it’s that he is extremely unpredictable and a wily competitor. If I were a betting man, I would put my money on Kiffin over Mills. He’s got moxie and loads of spunk inside of him.
Sexiest Woman Alive Madness: The Sweetest Sweet 16 Ever (Lane Kiffin vs. Heather Mitts) [Esquire]
