Archive for Catch-All Category
I am not overstating this one bit: this is absolute, certifiable, comedic gold, kids. I have included only a few of the many MS Paint masterpieces created by Thujone for the site Prevail and Ride, which, while not focused on the world of sports, is a bevy of MS Paint artwork illustrating the twisted genius of its proprietor.
Great, great stuff. I’m not even sure I could pick out of a favorite.
2010 College Football Preview…In MS PAINT [Prevail and Ride (via EDSBS)]
And before any of you wisenheimers even begin to speculate, it has absolutely nothing to do with me questioning my unblemished record of staunch heterosexuality. There is something, I don’t know, off-putting about it. Or is it just me? I mean, what’s the deal with the plastic bag? Further, do I even want to know?
No, I probably do not. The photo is of Nadal merely taking a break during his 7-6 (4), 7-6 (4), 6-3 U.S. Open first round victory over 93rd-ranked Teymuraz Gabashvili of Russia. Let’s move along, people.
Dear God! Don’t do it, Patrick! Despite its tasty goodness, a stiff breakfast cocktail is never worth it!
Today marks Chicago Blackhawks winger Patrick Kane’s turn with Lord Stanley’s Cup and he’s back in his hometown of Buffalo, New York to celebrate. He kicked off the morning by hoisting the Cup at Niagara Falls, which if you ask me, is just a recipe for disaster given the kid’s proclivity for binge drinking-based revelry. Via Chicago Breaking Sports:
“I’m just really excited about the day,” Kane said while standing next to the Cup in the driveway of his Buffalo home. “This day is really going to help sink in everything that’s happened.
“I had trouble sleeping last night, I was so excited.”
Good for Patrick. But potentially bad for the Stanley Cup. Although, if Kane does elect to have a booze-fueled day of partying in Buffalo – which is well within his right and wouldn’t be that much of a stretch when compared with how most hockey players spend their day with the hallowed trophy – hopefully, at very least, he has the good sense to not drink and drive and instead have a cab convey his drunk ass around the idyllic upstate New York town.
On second thought, maybe a cab isn’t the wisest choice…
Kane’s time with Cup starts at Niagara Falls [Chicago Breaking Sports]
Patrick Kane’s Drunken Blur Of A Week [Mouthpiece Blog]
Kane arrested after allegedly assaulting, robbing cab driver [Puck Daddy]
Some juicy tidbits arose during testimony today in the extortion trial of Karen Sypher a/k/a The Broad Who Knocked Boots With Rick Pitino After Close In An Empty Restaurant, and I am sure many more little tasty nuggets will be made known before this trial is wrapped up, but Sypher’s attorney, Jim Earhart, went to great lengths before the court recessed for lunch to point out the obscene bar tab Pitino ran up at Porcini’s Restaurant the evening Pitino and Sypher did the horizontal tabletop shuffle. From a report in the Lexington Herald-Leader (via Game On!):
Sypher’s attorney, Jim Earhart, honed in on Pitino’s restaurant bill that night. There was a bill for $316.24, and an additional bill for $280.12, plus a third tab for approximately $38. Of that bill, Earhart pointed out that only about $100 was for food. The rest of the $600-plus bill was for alcohol. And of the people in Pitino’s party that night (Pitino, Reggie Theus, Ron Carmichael and Tatum), Tatum did not drink because he was the designated driver, and Theus left immediately after dinner to return to the West Coast.
Damn! That’s a lot of liquor for a couple of people to drink in one evening. Unless said group happens to be a group of thirsty sports bloggers, then that bar tab is nothing.
Lunch break at Karen Sypher trial [Lexington Herald-Leader]
Rick Pitino’s bar tab gets attention at trial [Game On!]
Sweet fancy Moses! What in the holy hell are they wearing? Did I get sucked into a temporal wormhole and come out at a 1920s beach party on the other end?
Technically, these atrocious get-ups are not the actual wedding garb worn by Detroit Red Wings forward Henrik Zetterberg and his blushing bride, Swedish television personality Emma Andersson (the extra “s” is for “swimwear”), but instead are the outfits worn by every single person who was invited to a pre-nuptials swimming party in Molle, Sweden. I imagine there is nothing better than being forced to put on ridiculous outfits after already being forced to attend a damn wedding. They look like they are wearing the standard prison garb at a penitentiary where Aquaman is the warden. Or something. I’m sorry, I’m not thinking too clearly right now – the black and white motif is screwing up my rods and cones and making my brain hurt.
Here is how Johanna Hellsten of the Swedish newspaper Aftonbladet depicted the scene:
Det blev en rivstart på tv-profilen Emma Andersson och hockeyproffset Henrik Zetterbergs tre dagar långa bröllopsfirande. När bröllopsgästerna anlände till Grand hôtel i Mölle strax efter tre i går eftermiddag blev de serverade den norrländska drinken vargtass. Men något helt annat skulle göra dagen till en riktigt blöt tillställning.
Aha. I see Interesting.
Unfortunately, no mention on where the couple is registered, but I would guess the safe bet would be IKEA.
European Red Wings congregate in Sweden for Henrik Zetterberg’s wedding [Detroit Free-Press]
”Nu smäller det” [Aftonbladet]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s non-Home Run Derby-watching morning link dump. Obviously, it had better things to do, like watching paint dry and then tuning in to watch It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia on Comedy Central. A far better way to spend an evening, I have to agree. Send tips, links and miscellaneous comments, critiques and threats to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• A FedEx truck driver in Washington crashed his rig into a ditch after it jackknifed when he began choking on some spicy pork rinds. No one was seriously injured but the truck driver will be ticketed for “driving with wheels off the roadway,” which to me seems like a weird ticket, but not as weird (and delicious) as eating fried pig skin. Yummy. [Yahoo!/AP]
• The top 15 gnarliest Tour de France crashes. [Ranker]
• If your dream is to be an extra on the move Moneyball, here’s your chance. [Out of Bounds]
• ESPN hottie sideline reporter Jenn Brown has been asked to appear in SI‘s Swimsuit Issue. Yay! [Busted Coverage]
• During last night’s Home Run Derby, Bobby Valentine referred to David Ortiz and Jose Ortiz. Ha. [Tirico Suave]\
• Here are five fun parts of the finals of last night’s home run-related activities. [Big League Screw]
• Vanilla Ice’s eagerly-anticipated post-game concert at Tropicana Field in Tampa Bay did not disappoint. [Bugs & Cranks]
• Thank goodness: David Stern has put his stamp of approval on the Miami Heat’s recent roster makeover. All that guy needs is a fiddle to play while his empire burns. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Patrick Kane continues to haunt the Philadelphia Flyers, this time at their practice facility. [Puck Daddy]
• Here’s the “remix” of the Big 3 party in Miami. The DJ was the bomb. [TAUNTR]
• YBB’s brilliant feature, “The Sports Snob,” soldiers on, addresses the LeBron crap. [You Been Blinded]
• Emmitt Smiff at the WSOP. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Tour De France Cyclists Make It Past Dreaded Underwater Stage
Soccer fan nutjob extraordinaire Jimmy Jump, who has developed quite the notorious reputation for his many brazen attempts at gaining access to the field of play during soccer matches in Europe, performed his grandest stunt and was perhaps the highlight of the day shortly after Spain defeated the Netherlands by a score of 1-0 to win their first World Cup in an otherwise ho-hum, lackluster culmination of a month’s worth of thrilling action.
Via Reuters:
Wearing a red hat and a T-shirt that read “Jimmy Jump against racism” the man managed to slip through tight security and raced on to the pitch in front of close to 90,000 spectators at the Soccer City stadium.
Several security men and stewards managed to wrestle him to the ground as he was about to snatch the trophy, positioned on a stand just inside the touchline.
He was carried away by seven security men as the teams of Netherlands and Spain were about to walk on to the pitch for the national anthems and the start of the final.
Well, if a person who goes by the name Jimmy Jump is against racism, how stupid are racists feeling right now about their bigoted, hateful attitudes? Jimmy Jump just totally burned you racist bastards.
Video of Jimmy Jump getting jacked follows.
I’m not sure what is more moronic: Fanhouse TV star Steve Phillips trying to explain his statement that he would trade Strasburg for Oswalt or me taking the time to embed the video on my well-respected sports blog. I guess it could be tie.
Here’s Fanhouse’s lead-in for the video:
FanHouse TV’s Steve Phillips turned some heads this week when he suggested the Nationals should listen if the Astros ask for Stephen Strasburg in a potential Roy Oswalt trade.
In this week’s Hot Corner, Phillips defends himself and explains why dealing an unproven commodity for an ace might not be a bad idea.
Hey, Hot Corner may stink, but it’s not as bad as Fanhouse’s Hot Carl starring Jay Mariotti.
/shudders
Oh, and if you somehow have not heard his original commentardery on the topic, just do a Google search for “Steve Phillips Moron,” “Steve Phillips Mouthbreather,” “Steve Phillips doesn’t know what he’s talking about,” pretty much anything like that will do. But be forewarned: there are about a million search results to sift through.
Also, it might be wise not to do a search for “Steve Phillips Fat Horny Interns Water Sports.” I’m not speaking from experience, mind you, but I can only imagine.
Steve Phillips’ Hot Corner: Explaining Strasburg for Oswalt [Fanhouse]
If at first you don’t succeed, fail, fail, then give up on bit.ly altogether and paste the entire damn url yourself.
At least that appears to be the philosophy behind Whitlock’s latest foray into online interaction with his followers. For some reason or another, Whitlock was having great difficulty utilizing bit.ly to link to a very important column on found on mediaite.com. Was it glitch? Maybe, but anytime a “glitch” is mentioned, it sounds exactly like when your old man calls you and says he can’t hear sound on a video one of his buddies forwarded to him. Usually, it’s not a glitch as he suspects. It’s more often than not he didn’t have his speakers turned on.
But I suspect a far more benign reason for Whitlock’s troubles. Greasy typing fingers, reasonably confirmed from a tweet by the Round Mound of Ground Round yesterday:
I have no idea why they would ever even entertain the idea, but I also do not understand why Texas Motor Speedway president Eddie Gossage is going to pay Fort Worth radio station morning show host Terry Dorsey $100,000 to change his name to TexasMotorSpeedway.com.
Dorsey, who is a host of The Dorsey Gang show on 96.3 KSCS, must legally change his name for one year and get a permanent TMS tattoo on his body. He told NBC it was the future Mrs. TexasMotorSpeedway.com that helped him.
“It was my wife who convinced me to do it,” Dorsey said. “She said for the money Eddie was offering, it was something we couldn’t pass up.”
If Dorsey meets the qualifications, the check presentation would take place during the next racing weekend at Texas Motor Speedway on April 15-18.
Lame, but who would pass up that money? Who gives a shit about the tattoo and just because his name is officially TexasMotorSpeedway.com, it doesn’t mean anyone has to refer to him as that. And it’s only for year. Big deal. Even though it is not my given name, my entire family has always referred to me as “Shithead,” and all I got out of it was a crippling anxiety disorder.
Nevertheless, my offer still stands, NBC. Just think about it.
Radio host Terry Dorsey to change name to TexasMotorSpeedway.com for $100,000 [The Dallas Morning News]
