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Blatant Homerism

Minneapolis restaurant to give Derek Jeter a ‘Lifetime in Hell’ as retirement gift?

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As the “Derek Jeter Retirement Tour Super-Happy Funtime Bonanza” rolls on through the summer, we are constantly afforded the opportunity to see just how clever MLB teams can be when attempting to come up with an original and unique way to send off the New York Yankees legend (see here for an interesting, albeit incomplete rundown of what The Captain has received thus far).

Now it looks like one business is attempting to capitalize on the buzz of Jeter visiting their big league town on his so-called “Farewell Tour” — a term he hates, by the way.

“I don’t like calling it a farewell tour. It’s my last year, but we’re still trying to win games,” Jeter said. “I have a job to do, so I’m not just walking around shaking hands and taking pictures.”

With the Bronx Bombers in the Twin Cities for a holiday weekend series with the Minnesota Twins, a Minneapolis restaurant plans to present Jeter with a complimentary “Lifetime in Hell.”

While it sounds dire, devilish and certainly not in the spirit of the friendly, celebratory atmosphere that has typified Jeter’s season-long goodbye, it’s not as bad as it sounds.

You see, the “Lifetime in Hell” is from downtown Minneapolis establishment Hell’s Kitchen. And, to no surprise, it does not involve spending an eternity in acrid hellfire and soul-tormenting damnation.

It’s free food. And other stuff.

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The Star Tribune’s RandBall reports that Hell’s Kitchen will try to pass along the above “GET OUT OF HELL FREE/LIFETIME IN HELL” card to Jeter through the Yankees clubhouse attendant on Friday. The card entitles Jeter to a free meal anytime he visits the Twin Cities — if ever — along with a gift basket (insert “Derek Jeter Gift Basket” joke here).

The Twins, meanwhile, have something extra-special planned for Jeter and plan to present him with the team’s retirement gift before Saturday’s game at Target Field.

Twins skipper Ron Gardenhire said he wanted to give Jeter a Jet Ski, but thankfully, someone in the organization intervened. Despite being shut down on his idea, he says the Twins have “something that’s really pretty cool” in store for Jeter.

“I know this about Jeet: He’s not one of those guys who wants a bunch of showy stuff,” Gardenhire said. “He doesn’t want to put stuff all over his house. So they did something pretty neat.”

It will be a tall order for the Twins to top the fantastic retirement gift the team gave to Mariano Rivera last season: A rocking chair made out of broken bats. But hopefully the Twinkies give Jeter a nice send-off.

Either way, it sure beats a “Lifetime of Hell,” right? At least in a literal sense, that is. Free food, meanwhile? Well, it could be worse.

(top image via KSTP.com)

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