Barry Hinson now has a prominent spot in the pantheon where all the greatest coaching meltdowns are displayed for perpetuity in light of his fantastically brilliant rant following a game on Tuesday night.
The Southern Illinois Salukis fell to the Murray State Racers by a score of 73-65, dropping SIU’s record to an abysmal 2-8 on the season.
The awful, uninspired performance by the players in the loss — at least in Hinson’s eyes — provided the fuel that ignited the coach’s beautifully burning commentary following the game.
Some highlights of his rant (via Extra Mustard):
“I’ve been telling my wife this for years, size doesn’t matter.”
“Our guards are awful. Our three starting guards had one assist and seven turnovers. They must think it’s a tax credit. IT’S UNBELIEVABLE HOW OUR STARTING GUARDS PLAYED. “
“My wife…MY WIFE…can score more than two buckets on 11 shots because I KNOW my wife will AT LEAST SHOT FAKE one time.”
“There was a sniper in the gym. Didn’t you see that? We had guys falling down. We had a guy snipered at half-court. Two guys snipered at half-court. It was unbelievable. I would’ve thought Navy Seal Team 6 was out there.”
“I mean, you saw how we turned the ball over. We made three turnovers tonight where we just came down and threw them the ball. I swear, I thought one time that one of our players said, ‘Merry Christmas.’ I thought it was a gift. I thought they signed the package over.”
Wow, Hinton really relied heavily on his wife to provide material for his magnificent meltdown. Although the “size doesn’t matter” — even though he was referring to rebounds — well, that’s a bit much. And yet, oh so hilarious. “Saluki” must mean “unhinged man” in some unknown foreign language.
Actually, it’s a breed of dog. But maybe that specific breed is known to be unstable and prone to carrying on with entertaining barking. Who knows?
UPDATE: Hinson’s star is rising, as he made an appearance on “The Dan Patrick Show” on Wednesday morning, during which his wife Angie was asked by Patrick about his “size doesn’t matter” commentary (via CollegeSpun):