Valuing his man parts, Jordany Valdespin vows to wear a cup, says, ‘I am scared’

jordany-valdespin

However surprising it might be to learn, New York Mets utility man Jordany Valdespin is changing his tune and making an adjustment to the customary equipment he wears on the field, telling reporters on Wednesday that he has every intention of wearing a protective cup while playing from this day forward.

Obviously, it is impossible to know exactly why Valdespin has changed his mind. But somehow, I suspect it had something to do with getting drilled in the groin by a 94-mph fastball from Detroit Tigers ace Justin Verlander. Hard projectiles thrown at high speeds that drill you directly in the groin, causing one to grab one’s own man party while writing in agony while writhing in excruciating pain in the dirt can have that kind of an effect on a man, I guess. Not entirely shocking, really.

As reported by the New York Daily News, Valdespin, who laughed off the scary incident afterward, has had an epiphany of sorts related to concern over the long-term health of his manhood, said, “I never used (a cup), now I will,” before adding, “I’ll wear it all the time.”

Why such a change in protective cup philosophy? Valdespin admitted the experience scared the bejeezus out of him. “I am scared,” he said. “I am scared of getting hit in the (groin) again.” I can see that. Although if I were in Valdespin’s shoes, I probably would be a total coward and quit playing baseball. That must have been a highly traumatizing event, man. In fact, even if I were to quit baseball, I’d probably wear a protective cup at all times, no matter how small the threat of egregious crotchal injury.
Clearly, contrary to the New York Post‘s witty headline on the subject, Jordany Valdespin is no “Numbnuts.” Good to know.
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1 Comment

  1. Clifton A Turner Jr

    March 13, 2013 at 2:25 pm

    Jordany IZ A DUMASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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