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Today in ‘When farts are mentioned in mainstream sports journalism’

gas

Obviously, one does not need to look too far or search too wide to find fart references in non-traditional sports media, be that blogs or what have you. A well-crafted fart reference is a generally accepted, perhaps even encouraged, means through which a blogger can cogently, yet somewhat sophomorically, illustrate his or her point.

Which provides ample reason behind why, as I perused my feeds earlier, I was struck by the fact that there were not one but two separate fart references made by and/or published by legitimate, reputable sports media entities. And let me tell you, seeing these two mentions of farts or a word or phrase that bears a similar meaning, was such a toot. I mean hoot.

First up: Sun Sentinel columnist David Hyde, in a column about the hopes for a new Miami Dolphins stadium, let this one rip when describing Miami Marlins Jeffrey Loria’s role (via Sports Grid):

“Even when the Marlins owner supposedly issued orders for his underlings to stay mum these winter months, Loria hangs in the air at events like Monday’s like passed gas that just won’t pass away.”

Well-crafted. A bit musty, perhaps, but still ripping good.

Secondly, here’s what Green Bay Packers outside linebackers coach Kevin Greene had to say about whether or not embattled defensive coordinator should keep his job, as reported in the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel: “Does a fat baby fart? Big time. Absolutely. No doubt about it.”

Now, I don’t mean to be a stinker here, but what in the heck does the relative fatness of a baby have to do with the likelihood that said baby will fart. I’ve been around plenty of babies and believe you me, they all are more than capable of floating an air biscuit.

But in the end (ha), I have to give Hyde the nod here on the “Ripter Scale” of high-quality fart references. His was much more sophisticated and well-worded. Well, as much as fart references can be sophisticated, I guess. Elegance when mentioning flatulence, if you will.

Still, Greene’s quip about fat baby farts is certainly more illustrative, if you will. Ultimately, both were a gas.

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