Sportress of Blogitude

Olympics

For some reason, NBC Sports interviewed the Iron Sheik to talk USA Wrestling

Sometimes, a concept is so absurdly off-the-wall that it transcends ridiculousness and somehow manages to end up making perfect sense. This is one of those such occasions.

Someone over at NBC Sports, as part of their Olympics coverage, thought it would be a grand idea to arrange an interview with pro wrestling legend and completely unbalanced crazy man, the Iron Sheik, in order to discuss USA Wrestling. If you have any doubt as to the extent of the insanity harnessed within the warped mind of the Iron Sheik, peruse his psychotic rantings on his Twitter account or check out his YouTube videos. That will deliver the point home quite succinctly.

The question remains: why would anyone decide to do this? To be honest, I have no freaking clue. It’s like interviewing a parrot about linguistics simply because the bird can say a few words.

Regardless of the nonsensical nature of the exercise, it is of course nevertheless amusing, in an unhinged kind of way. The transcribed interview follows.

Come up with a signature move and name Jordan Burroughs could use in London?
“The Jordan.” Not like the Michael Jordan but he still the Real American. He can break the pinkie finger like Sheikie. He break people back with his pinkie. Because he a big strong [expletive] for America. I be happy. His name could be “the Real” and his finisher be “the Humble.” Give me a hell yeah!

How do you feel about the “Flying Squirrel” nickname Ellis Coleman gave himself?
Flying squirrel remind me of Ultimate Warrior because he a little rat when he jump in ring like that idiot Jose Canseco or Mel Gibson. I would never respect the squirrel because the squirrel have no [expletive].

Wow, aggressive. Could the Iron Sheik beat any of the current wrestlers on Team USA?
In my day I beat living [expletive] out of all Olympian who challenge the legend. I put them in a camel clutch, break they back [two or three expletives], and make them humble. But now I am not in same shape as before so I don’t [expletive] with them.

How would the Olympics benefit from adding ropes around the mat?
The rope protect you and you cannot run away like little [expletive] in ring like Jose Canseco.

How would Hulk Hogan do against the current Olympic team?
Hulk Hogan don’t last long like because [a few expletives] he not a real man like the Sheiky baby. He get beat bad like [wow… not printing that] and never make it to Olympics. Only for the Olympics for being [or that]. [editors note: He definitely hates Hogan.]

Are you ready for a comeback?
I know if I training I can beat the [expletive] out of anybody who [expletive] with me. I am the real legend not like the jabroni the Tom Cruise.

How do you feel about the American wrestling team this year?
They all workers but need to pay their due to be legend like Iron Sheik. Buy my [expletive] shirt!! USA #1! 

Fantastic. Every time the Iron Sheik comes up, it takes me back to my youth when WWF wrestling on Friday nights was the be all, end all of television viewing. Heady days, my friends.

Up next: Nikolai Volkloff discusses the Russian national wrestling team, the Junkyard Dog proves that a ginormous chain is a better accessory to wear around your neck than an Olympic medal and George “The Animal” Steele discusses the dietary benefits of turnbuckle stuffing during a strenuous Olympics training regimen. Okay, those  might not be true, but if they were, I’d read them.

[NBC Sports]

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