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Jonathan Papelbon gives bizarre interview to Boston radio station

For some reason or another, Philadelphia Phillies closer Jonathan Papelbon decided to grant an interview to a radio station in his former stomping ground of Boston. Rob Bradford conducted what turned out to be a bizarre interview that aired on Mut and Merloni’s show on WEEI.

And when I write “bizarre,” I’m not overstating it. The interview went from slightly standoffish as Papelbon discussed his exodus from Boston and then mutated into something that might as well be referred to as the theater of the absurd. This is the kind of radio broadcast that Federico Fellini would have helmed had he gone into radio production instead of films.

To wit, a portion of the interview, as transcribed by the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews:

Did you potentially want to return to Boston as a free agent?

“A lot of it depended on who’s coming and who’s going out? Who was staying there and who was going to be leaving? I’m talking about medical. I’m talking about coaches. I’m talking about players. I’m talking about everything.”

What are your thoughts on the Red Sox training staff?

“I know myself better than anybody. I know myself better than any trainer in Boston tried to tell me they knew me better. That goes with experience in knowing yourself and trusting yourself and listening to what you have to listen to and not listening to thing you know are going to make you stay durable.”

On the Red Sox training staff telling him what to do everyday?

“The previous trainer there tried to tell me everything and that he knew everything about me. It’s just not the case. I know myself. I know how to get through a 162-game season. The trainer don’t know how to do that and the trainers here (in Philadelphia) have been phenomenal. They understand that I am going to be successful because I know how to be successful. I still did things my way when I was there in Boston. I just had someone chirping in my ear the whole time.”

Did you feel about leaving the Red Sox after the chaos of the collapse last September?

“I don’t feel bad. No. Cinco is gutless man. I don’t feel bad for people.”

On his ability and confidence to close?

“I am confident in my ability and ain’t nobody going to tell me what to do. Nobody tells Cinco what to do.”

Ohhh-kay. Did he just refer to himself as “Cinco” in the third person and then called himself gutless? And “Nobody tell Cinco what to do” must be Papelbon’s take on “Nobody puts baby in the corner.” Or something.

Is it just me, or can you imagine that Papelbon did the interview looking a little something like this?

Yes, that is a reference to Fellini’s I Clowns. See how I tied this post all together with that? High-five!