Archive for December, 2011
Ladies and gentlemen, you may not have realized this, but until today, Tim Tebow’s stranglehold on the media and pop culture wasn’t quite complete. But now with the “Tim Tebow in 10 Hot Shots” “photo special” treatment from People, the Denver Broncos quarterback has finally arrived.
The star treatment usually reserved for Hollywood hunks like Brad Pitt and Steve Buscemi has now been applied to the Tim Tebow phenomenon and for Tebow, there’s no turning back now. However, I wonder how the Tebow camp will respond to the squeaky-clean, pious player being somewhat objectified as nothing more than eye candy, illustrated by captions that go along with the pics, like the following, which describes the above image:
Rocking a basic white tee to perfection, it’s no surprise Jockey chose the clean-cut quarterback to be the spokesperson for their Staycool collection this spring. Sigh! Now we know what he wears under his Denver Broncos uniform!
“Sigh!” indeed!
Or how about the photo which follows below, entitled, “Chest in Show”? Rawr! Read More→
Question: if I uploaded a photo of myself while shopping for my family’s Christmas tree to Twitter and no one was around to hear it, would it make a sound?
Wait. That’s not how the saying goes. Huh. But moving on, it is nice to know that even big time NBA stars like Carmelo Anthony still shop for their own Christmas trees. It makes me realize that despite the many differences which separate us from our favorite athletes, in at least some small ways, they are still a lot like us. Although in Carmelo’s case, there’s a good chance that instead of the family dog knocking off the bulbs on the tree, there’s a good chance that in the Anthony household, a pet camel would be the animal causing a ruckus.
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The ad, “Authentic Mementoes from Tim Tebow’s exact Date of Birth Aug. 14, 1987 – $90 (Grand Forks, ND will mail)”, via Can’t Stop The Bleeding (by way of Deadspin):
These four items are from the actual date that Tim Tebow was born, which was August 14, 1987. Two of them also synchronize in, by some wonderful serendipity, with key aspects of the life he has lived in the decades since. In particular, a Florida postmark from that date, though without a stamp since it came from a piece of metered mail, stands in for Tebow’s outstanding Florida high school and college career which included his winning the Heisman Trophy in 2007. A stamp from Essen, in what was then West Germany, has a perfectly centered postmark over a commemoration of a 1200 year old cathedral. This, of course, represents Tebow’s staunch, and very public, Christian faith. The other two items lack a synchronistic element, but share the birthdate postmark, shown as 14 VIII 87 on a Dutch 65c everyday usage stamp and as 14 AUG 1987 on a colorful British three-stamp piece from Clyde Valley in the UK.
You could make these into craft pieces for four fans to wear to games together. You could even make something like a pendant with one of the postmark items on one side and a QR code on the other linking to a special web page, or to a Facebook Timeline where you highlight August 14, 1987 as a date as special to you as your own date of birth, and you tell the world why.
The cost for all four pieces commemorating the date of birth of Tim Tebow? $90.
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On Sunday, Australian cricket star Shane Warne — who, if you have ever heard of him likely stems from the fact that he recently became engaged to Elizabeth Hurley, hence the above image — burned his hand rather badly while doing a bit of cooking in the kitchen. Afterward, he did what any rational person would do while watching the blisters spring up on his now-gruesome hand. He uploaded a photo of it to the interwebs and asked his followers on Twitter for advice on how to properly treat it.
The tweet (via Off the Bench):
Not ideal preparation for practice match today-burning the bowling hand Get better quickly please,any suggestions-HELP
The cries for medical advice elicited response from none other than Warne’s fellow countryman Russell Crowe, who replied, “Looks bad mate. Hope it heals quickly.” A nice sentiment, to be sure, but it would have been far cooler had Crowe managed to incorporate a line from one of his movies, like, “At my signal, unleash Hell on with a cold compress” from Gladiator, or perhaps even better, “You look better than Veronica Lake” from L.A. Confidential.
Moving on, without further ado, the disturbing image depicting the cooking injury follows.
If Kobe Bryant and Nike were going for a non-traditional look for the Christmas version of the Los Angeles Lakers superstar’s Kobe Zoom VII shoes, well, then they totally nailed it. Nothing about these shoes say “Christmas,” at least in my understanding of the term, but as mentioned above, perhaps that is what Nike and Kobe were going for — you know, thinking outside of the box and whatnot. And speaking of “outside of the box,” if I were to receive these shoes as a Christmas gift, that is a condition the garish-looking kicks would never see, unless I was going to stage some kind of “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamshoe” performance on Christmas morning. Which I wouldn’t.
[H/T The Basketball Jones]
By now you likely seen one of the ridiculous commercials or ads for the product, Sheets, where you are advised to “Take a Sheet” for a quick boost of energy. LeBron James, as co-owner of the company that produces Sheets — a dissolvable strip that melts on a person’s tongue which presumably gives the user of the product an energy jolt — has written and directed a commercial to kick-start a Facebook-based contest where people are asked to upload commercials of their own with the winning ad receiving airtime on television and in movie theaters in 2012. The contest on Facebook, which begins Tuesday, lasts 45 days.
And to give credit where credit is due, LeBron’s commercial actually is pretty amusing. James is clearly enjoying hamming it up a bit, giving thumbs up to folks as he supplies them with Sheets. Well done, King James. Anything to help restore his reputation as a nice guy and not a villain, right?
[via Mashable Business]
It was a slow week in the magical land of Arianny Celeste Uploaded Photos World, the above perhaps being the best one of the bunch, which documents Miss Arianny’s trip to Toronto. Yeah, nothing too spectacular there, but she still looks phenomenal, so we’ll take it.
With that in mind, how about this? Below, no only will you find pics from her 2012 calendar photo shoot (the calendar is available here for $14.99, $29.99 if you want it autographed), there is also a video where Miss Arianny discusses her ongoing feud with UFC fighter Chael Sonnen. Enjoy.
Ha! Dipsy-doo, rip-a-roo! Well crafted, Dick Vitale. I didn’t know he had hard-hitting humor that he demonstrated in the above tweet in him.
Yet I wonder if Dickie V. is spending too much time hanging out with the servers at Hooters, not that whether Vitale’s fraternizing with Hooters hotties has anything to do with his spot-on analysis of Lamar Odom and the options afforded to the current Los Angeles Laker, who reportedly skipped the first day of training camp after the failed Chris Paul trade. I mean, have you looked at that woman? Yeesh. Running sprints is a far better option than spending time with that self-absorbed hag.
(mug shot courtesy of the Salt Lake County Jail)
According to The Salt Lake Tribune, Shirley Lewis, the live-in girlfriend of Utah Jazz center Al Jefferson, was taken into custody and booked into Salt Lake County Jail just before 9:00 p.m. Thursday night for allegedly hitting Jefferson and biting him on the back (hence the Marv Albert reference — uh, “YES!”? No? No).
According to a probable cause statement, a verbal argument at Jefferson’s Cottonwood Heights home between Lewis, 38, and Jefferson, 26, escalated to violence when she allegedly hit him and bit him on the back. Two children were present at the time, police say.
“The police department was called to a residence [Thursday] night on a report of domestic violence,” said Cottonwood Heights Sgt. Dan Bartlett. “Officers arrived and determined that domestic violence was in fact committed and arrested a female.”
Lewis was bailed out of jail shortly after going into custody, but reportedly skipped out on her arraignment hearing scheduled for 10:00 a.m. Friday morning. According to the report, Judge Augustus Chin said he would wait until the end of the day to see if Lewis shows up before determining what further action will be necessary. My guess is if Ms. Lewis doesn’t show up at the courthouse before the end of the day, she could very well find herself back in the slammer. One question, though: if the county jail isn’t in Salt Lake City proper, will police be obligated to give her a ride FROM DOWNTOWN?
Okay, that’s enough of that. This is a very serious issue, especially in light of the fact that Lewis’ children were present during the alleged incident. Let’s hope, more than anything, that those kids come out unscathed from the ugly scene they unfortunately had to witness.
That. Is. Awesome. Of course, we all remember the classic late ’80s-early ’90s ABC sitcom, Perfect Strangers — that is, unless you happen to be one of those young whippersnappers loitering around the interwebs taking up space and contributing nothing to online society — starring Bronson Pinchot as Balki Bartokomous and Mark Linn-Baker as “Cousin” Larry Appleton. The show revolved around the two cousins’ hijinks and pratfalls that are bound to occur when a former shepherd from Mypos shacks up with his distant, career-oriented, American cousin in his Chicago apartment. Commence the “Dance of Joy” due to an overload of nostalgia now.
From that brilliant show — and I rarely use the word “brilliant” unless I really, really mean it — comes this fantastic video which redoes and parodies the opening credits for Perfect Strangers (the original version is here, if you’re interested), but instead inserts Pittsburgh Penguins teammates Sidney Crosby (as Cousin Larry) and Evgeni Malkin (in the role of Balki) into the intro. The results? Much amusement. What were you thinking? It was going to be stupid? As Balki would say, “Don’t be ridiculous.”
Also, bonus points for having Mario Lemieux named as executive producer, not to mention the wonderful manner in which the video syncs up with the lyrics and music. Very well done, although I have no idea how this idea came together. Not that it matters, of course.
[H/T Benstonium via PSAMP]
Just like a modern day version of Charles Darwin, whom we all know (except in the South) as the Father of modern day evolutionary theory, the Phillie Phanatic’s lust for knowledge carried him all the way to the GalápagosIslands, the archipelago of volcanic islands in the Pacific Ocean just west of Ecuador, the same locale that Darwin traveled to all those years ago on the HMS Beagle for a journey of discovery and scientific inquest. Yep, the Phillie Phanatic and Charles Darwin: like two peas in a pod, separated only by the oceans of time. And a bunch of green fur.
As you can see, the Phillie Phanatic’s visit was filled with many moments of awe and wonder. More photos for viewing and additional details of the Phillie Phanatic’s strange, exotic journey are available here. I am sure he had a wonderful time. Wait, the Phillie Phanatic is male, right? I bet that’s something even Darwin wouldn’t have been able to figure out.
[Grazie, The700Level]
Aaron Rodgers Vows To Make Season Interesting By Killing Self
Here’s Another delightful installment from the Onion’s sports department’s video feature, the Pardon the Interruption/Around the Horn-esque Get Out Of My Face. In this episode, the fellas debate and discuss in their customary bloviating manner Green Bay Packers’ quarterback Aaron Rodgers’ decision to off himself to give the team’s season meaning. Rodgers’ “quote”:
“Winning has lost its thrill, and losing is obviously worse. Now, my death is all that can give the season meaning.”
Brett Favre approves. Probably. One other guffaw-worthy moment is a tweet from Rodgers’ teammate Charles Woodson, who writes, “Boom! Headshot! LOL my boy Aaron wild.” Awesome.
Oh, and be sure to stick around to watch the next topic the guys discuss: Mark Sanchez’s injured pussy finger. Wouldn’t want to miss that.
And wouldn’t you know it? Complete and utter awkwardness ensued. Above is a brief clip (via Sports Grid) from Friday morning’s Good Morning America where host Josh Elliott (who previously shared the live SportsCenter anchor duties with Hannah Storm and her risque outfits), while interviewing Kris Humphries, asks him if he still loved Kim Kardashian. Hoo boy. That’s probably the last thing Humphries wanted to be asked.
Why? Because according to TMZ, who swooped in to file an ellipsis-filled report…on…the…topic (although the report’s lack of ALL CAPS LETTERS TO INDICATE THAT THEY ARE WRITING SOMETHING IN AN EXCLAMATORY MANNER OR THE PARTICULAR WORDS WRITTEN IN CAPS ARE PARTICULARLY PROVOCATIVE is a welcome change, noted that Humphries only agreed to appear on GMA to speak about his charitable work and his mother’s cooking segment on the show (wait, what?) and that it was agreed that no questions regarding his brief marriage to Kardashian would be asked. No, I cannot explain why Kris Humphries’ mom got her own cooking segment on the show, although it could have something to do with getting Humphries on the show, because, you know, DERP! Nor can I explain why Kris Humphries fancies himself an interesting enough person outside of his sham of a marriage to warrant an appearance on the show. Another DERP! thrown in there for good measure.
Nevertheless, Humphries is allegedly irate over the line of questioning from Elliott. Take it away, TMZ:
During the interview, Kris appears VERY uncomfortable as he’s hit with question after question about Kim … and things got downright awkward when interviewer Josh Elliot asked Kris’ mother about the relationship.
We’re told Kris is saying … he only agreed to do the interview to promote his charity work and to support his mother’s cooking segment on the show … and he’s “livid” about the way it turned out.
But a rep for ABC tells us no pre-show deal was made to limit the interview … saying, “There were no ground rules.”
Did you hear that, people? There were no ground rules! When you step on the set of Good Morning America, you might as well be conducting an interview inside Thunderdome. Deal with it.
It has reached the point where you have almost no choice but to feel sorry for this guy. But leaving that aside, I am left wondering what Kris’ mom cooked on the show. Given they are Minnesotans, my guess it was some kind of tasty hot dish.
New York Rangers center Artem Anisimov apologized for his goal celebration where he used his stick as an improvised sniper rifle during the team’s game against the Tampa Bay Lightning on Thursday night, calling his actions “classless.” Anisimov, a 23-year-old Russian in his fifth season of North American professional hockey who speaks limited English, also apologized to his teammates after the game. Rangers head coach John Tortorella went into “protective mode” in defense of the young player:
“He’s a great kid,” Tortorella said of Anisimov. “I don’t think he realized what would happen in that type of situation. And I don’t think that was planned by him to go that far. It’s a lesson learned pretty quickly.”
Unfortunately, Anisimov likely wishes he didn’t put himself — and consequently, his team — in a position to have to learn a lesson in the first place, because after a bit of a fracas ensued after his celebration, the Lightning turned into an extremely motivated squad and stormed back to beat the Rangers 3-2 in a shootout at Madison Square Garden.
In the end, it was simply a stupid move by a naive kid which shouldn’t result in any punishment or suspension. The embarrassment alone, paired with the loss, should be sufficient.
Of course, the predominant sports item of the day Thursday was the Los Angeles Angles of Anaheim landing coveted free agents Albert Pujols and C.J. Wilson. Fittingly, it received the much ballyhooed Taiwanese Animation Treatment.
Via NMA World Edition:
Albert Pujols signed a 10-year, $254 million deal with the Los Angeles Angels, leaving the St Louis Cardinals after 11 seasons. CJ Wilson, the best pitcher on the free agent market, was also nabbed by the Angels from AL West rival the Texas Rangers, further tilting the balance of power in that MLB division toward the Halos.
Pujols, a three-time National League Most Valuable Player, signed with the Angels because they offered a long-term deal — the biggest contract in baseball history for anyone not named Alex Rodriguez — at the age of 31.
Because of his age, other teams balked at signing Pujols to such a long deal. Pujols, who will be 42 at the end of the deal in 2021, showed signs of decline this year, batting below .300 and hitting fewer than 100 RBIs for the first time in his Major League career.
The Angels were willing to gamble in part because signing the man many believe is the best player of his generation will help them grab market share from cross-town rivals the LA Dodgers, who are mired in bankruptcy and losing fans and whose big free agent signings this off-season were a couple of utility infielders.
CJ Wilson signed a five-year contract with the Angels worth $77.5 million. The 31-year-old lefty was 16-7 with a 2.94 ERA and made a league-high 34 starts last season.
Yeah, this one was pretty straightforward, but I do have a few observations/questions:
- Why did they depict Pujols as being so freaking skinny? He looks more like former St. Louis Cardinals great Ozzie Smith.
- Is that Nolan Ryan whipping C.J. Wilson with the old hickory stick? If so, no wonder Wilson left the Rangers.
All, in all now NMA World Edition’s finest work, although I will give them credit for utilizing the “chainsaw cutting up a pizza” imagery once again, much like they did in one of their NBA lockout videos. Kudos.
