Archive for December, 2011
Hank Williams, Jr. has never wanted to savagely beat an elderly woman senseless as much as he does right now. Probably.
Yep, ESPN has announced that a true national treasure will be the centerpiece of the Dec. 26 Monday Night Football introductory opener: Betty White. As you know, ESPN has been using a bevy of well-known folks to introduce the broadcast, and as you will see by reading an excerpt from the press release, the Monday Night Football production team are a bunch of irrepressible cads.
Via ESPN Front Row:
The season finale of ESPN’s Monday Night Football falls during the holiday so it’s no surprise our production team was dreaming of a “White” Christmas in planning the open for this week’s Falcons-Saints game.
A Betty White Christmas, that is.
The legendary 89-year-old actress (pictured above) who stars in the TVLand sitcom Hot in Cleveland (Wednesday nights, 10 ET/9 CT) and the upcoming NBC show Off Their Rockers is the star of next week’s holiday-themed open, which was shot yesterday in California.
ESPN’s production team was looking to cast a warm grandmotherly type, and White was the perfect choice.
Ha. A Betty White Christmas. Get it? Cleverness aside, if we stick with ESPN’s line of thinking and try to come up with alternate choices of personalities to film the spot, we realize they missed some humdingers of potential opener stars. How about:
- Jack White
- Meg White
- Jaleel White (Urkel!)
- Shaun White
- Vanna White
- Michael Jai White
- Dana White
Now, call me crazy, but I see several names on that list that would have fit the bill just a capably as Betty White.
What’s that? The ESPN production team was looking for a warm, grandmotherly type? Are you trying to tell me Shaun White and Urkel aren’t grandmotherly? Have you ever tried either of those guys’ homemade fudge? It’s delicious.
Dear. Lord. The worst part? The ironically ugly Christmas sweater Andy Roddick is wearing while performing the Digital Underground classic, “The Humpty Dance,” isn’t the worst part of the performance. I’m not saying it’s terrible, but I just got pukey in a Burger King bathroom. Nah, it’s not that bad. It looks like Roddick’s having a nice time and I’m sure it was a hoot for those in attendance, which appears to be some kind of holiday concert for a radio station.
Yet, it still must be mentioned that’s Andy Roddick. Yep, the husband of Brooklyn Decker, ladies and gentlemen. I guess once you achieve fame and fortune and land a smoking hot wife, you don’t really have to care what people think of you. Must be nice. All I know is Tupac Shakur is rolling over in his grave king-sized bed.
[H/T With Leather]
Aw, how nice. The above ad (by way of SB Nation) appeared in the Shreveport Times. While certainly a friendly gesture by the LSU Tigers, what you don’t know is the text that the newspaper opted to edit out prior to publication.
Here’s how the ad originally read:
From the LSU Tigers to the Missouri Tigers, good luck in the 2011 AdvoCare Independence Bowl. We look forward to kicking the ever-living crap out of your team on a rotating basis for years to come! *
* not actually true, but it would have been funny had it really read that way
Ooh, must be chilly. While I cannot provide any context for the photos, I can extend my gratitude to College Cheerleader Heaven (by way of The Big Lead) for discovering these photos of the Oklahoma State cheerleaders enjoying themselves while hitting the slopes. That’s about it. I suggest you consider this an early Christmas gift or holiday gift or simply as photos of cheerleaders wearing bikini tops at a ski resort. Any of those options are fine by me.
According to a recent AP report, Madonna will not be the only musical retread during Super Bowl festivities attempting to reignite a stalled career when she drags her washed-up, bony and deathly pale act up on the stage during Super Bowl XLVI’s halftime show. Nope. In fact, there will be a cavalcade of acts we haven’t heard from since their one-hit wonder days of the ’80s and ’90s entertaining attendees of during the buildup to the Super Bowl during pregame festivities in Indianapolis.
The AP report highlights Patti LaBelle, Bret Michaels and En Vogue as some of the artists who will perform free concerts during Super Bowl week. En Vogue? Why them? Even if you managed to “Free Your Mind,” as to the reasons behind that choice, no matter how hard you try, “You’re Never Gonna Get It.”
And it doesn’t end there. To wit:
A specific schedule was not announced. Other artists scheduled to appear include Big Head Todd and the Monsters, Corey Cox, Darius Rucker, Dierks Bentley, Edwin McCain, Fitz & the Tantrums, Fuel, Here Come the Mummies, IU’s Straight No Chaser, LMFAO, O.A.R, Railroad Earth, Sixpence None the Richer, Umphrey’s McGee and Will Hoge. More artists are expected to be added.
Fuel? Edwin McCain? What the fungus? Sure, I’ll concede that there are some more current acts among the performers — and to be forthright, some I have never even heard of — but how about Sixpence None the Richer scoring the gig? They haven’t released a single since 2003 and their biggest hit came in 1993, “Kiss Me.” Talk about stumbling into the Wayback Machine. And Big Head Todd and the Monsters? I’ll admit it: their inclusion does evoke some “Bittersweet” memories, , but that’s another story altogether.
Actually, to say that Snoop Dogg isn’t a fan of Los Angeles Lakers big man Pau Gasol would be a monumental understatement, as evidenced by the mini — yet epic — rant the Doggfather went on during a series of tweets on Wednesday night, as seen above (H/T for screengrab to You Been Blinded). Whew. That’s some outright hostility towards the Spaniard. And don’t even get the rapper started on paella. That’s some punk ass food right there.
I will give Snoop some props for some clever spelling of the many profanities peppered throughout his Twitter tirade, with “hes a fuccn weanie” being my personal favorite. Fo shizzle.
[via]
There really isn’t much to add other than to mention that the fellows singing “12 Days of Christmas” in the above video are members of the Milwaukee Admirals and that they shouldn’t quit their day jobs and pursue a singing career. After listening to it, on the second day of Christmas, I’m hoping my true love gives to me: two ear plugs and a letter opener to shove in my ear.
All I know is these guys put this kind of lackluster effort on the ice, they’d be doing bag stakes after every practice. Sheesh.
[H/T Puck Daddy]
It’s funny, you see, because when a basketball player shoots a free throw, he wants to make it in the basket, not miss the basket entirely.
Early on in the Miami Heat’s preseason matchup with the Orlando Magic, LeBron James stepped to the charity stripe for a free throw. While the camera angle is not the best, it is abundantly clear that James airballed the shot. Further, he might be the person who can be heard yelling “SHORT!” Nice of James to point that out, if in fact it was him.
But once again, it’s important to point out that James coming up short on a free throw attempt was early on in a meaningless preseason game, since King James usually reserves coming up short for late in meaningful postseason games which is exactly the opposite of this Ha! I made a funny!
[via Sports Grid]
Wow, NMA World Edition went all out with their latest report, this one on the Monta Ellis’ sexual harassment case, which is a refreshing and welcome development, given the sub-par treatment they gave the Kobe Bryant divorce report on Wednesday.
Let’s get right to it. The highlights:
- When Erika Smith first makes an appearance, Sir Mix-A-Lot’s “Baby Got Back” begins playing in the background
- Once Ellis sees Smith, his eyes turn into hearts like that old cartoon routine and he starts to drool
- While Ellis is ogling Smith while she shakes her booty (with “Baby Got Back” still playing in the background), she transforms into a hoop which Ellis proceeds to drain his shot into
- The imagery employed to illustrate Ellis sending Smith pictures of his junk is that of a peeled banana emerging from Smith’s cell phone screen
The video goes on from there to document Ellis’ wife allegedly shoving Smith and breathing fire upon her and culminates with Smith getting ejected from GM Larry Riley’s office by way of a trap door. Fantastic.
Bravo, NMA World Edition. They certainly stepped up their game with this one.
She just keeps repeating, “Setting up the play” over and over and over. I don’t get it and the same can be said for Calgary Flames star Jarome Iginla. Perhaps she’s playing that annoying, childish game where a person repeats everything another person is saying…only she’s doing it to herself. Strange.
I’ll give credit where credit is due: Iginla is awfully polite during the bizarre exchange. He’s really trying to figure out what in the hell this lady is trying to get across during her repetitive line of questioning. It makes so sense. Well, unless, unbeknownst to everybody around her, she’s having some kind of Petite mal seizure.
[H/T Backhand Shelf via Deadspin]
Only Brett Favre can get his face that red. Yeah, he probably didn’t put on sunscreen when he hopped on the ol’ John Deere to mow the back 40 of the palatial Favre estate, known by locals as the House of Gunslinger. Either that, or he’s really embarrassed about something.
But all in all, it’s a pretty standard, run-of-the-mill Christmas card photo. Nothing too fancy or over-the-top, just a seemingly normal family posing for a photo. I only wonder why I wasn’t on the Favre’s mailing list. Sigh.
I will, however, give the Favre family a lot of credit: at least their Christmas family photo isn’t as creepy as the one former Major Leaguer Curt Schiling and his brood did a few years ago:
(image via Deadspin)
Since September, the owners of the New York Mets have been trying to raise $200 million by signing on 10 minority owners, who, if they are willing to spring the $20 million asking price, will gain a 4% non-controlling interest in the team. Not a bad deal, but apparently, it isn’t sufficient enough to generate much interest, so the team has decided to dangle one of the organizations most recognizable commodities in an attempt to generate some buzz: Mr. Met.
Obviously, to become a minority owner of a Major League Baseball team — even the Mets — affords a person — at least individuals wealthy enough to make a $20 million investment– some pretty significant bragging rights at the country club, but as mentioned above, the Mets are having difficulty attracting buyers, so the team has come up with some “fringe benefits” that come along with a minority ownership stake in the organization. These nifty little bonuses are spelled out in a term sheet provided to prospective investors by the team, and they are as follows (via The New York Times):
Access to Mr. Met, the team mascot, although the degree of access is not entirely spelled out. It definitely means you, as a part-owner, can schmooze with Mr. Met at Citi Field. It’s less clear whether you could get him to come to your child’s birthday party without a fee.
A formal business card, complete with the prominent designation: “Owner.”
And if you are a wealthy doctor, commodities trader or real estate mogul who wants to try to swat the ball over the newly pulled-in outfield fences at Citi Field on a Mets day off, you are entitled to attend what appears to be an exclusive kind of fantasy camp: “Owners’ workout day.”
Wow. A business card AND guaranteed attendance at an Owners’ workout day? Boy-oh-boy, the team had me at that, but then they throw in access to Mr. Met, the coolest, neatest and most radical baseball-headed mascot in Major League Baseball? Color me impressed!
Oh, and for the prospective minority owner, to sweeten the deal, the Mets are also willing to kick in a single parking pass at Citi Field, the opportunity to throw out a ceremonial first pitch and will assign a team executive to you who will help arrange for season ticket purchases and any other number of needs which a minority stake owner in the Mets might need addressed. What a steal.
But kicking it with Mr. Met? That’s worth the $20 million on its own. If any mascot exudes hipness, charisma and charm which leaves a person with the impression that they have to be around him and bask in all his mascot glory, it’s most certainly Mr. Met.
(click to enlarge)
GAH! Some sights cannot be unseen and these bad boys most definitely fall into that category. The Toronto Raptors will unveil perhaps the ugliest alternate uniforms in NBA history — at least in my estimation — when they debut the above camouflage atrocities (modeled by Raptors big man Andrea Bargnani — poor guy) on Mar. 21 as part of the festivities surrounding Canadian Forces Night. I mean, they are really ugly. Look at those shorts, man. Yowsers.
At least it can be said that the team’s heart is in the right place. Honoring the nation’s military should always be a welcome development — and it should be mentioned that the Raptors ownership group apparently has been a staunch supporter of Canada’s troops — but the camouflage getup is just wrong. So, so wrong. I wish these camouflage jerseys were actually camouflaged as in I wouldn’t have ever been able to see them.
Jeez, that escalated quickly. I mean the kart racer who got spun out really goes after his fellow competitor, who he clearly believes some comeuppance is warranted. And the violence gets pretty out-of-hand.
Since I have no idea what’s going on in the above video, I’ll allow The Sun explain it:
The aggrieved racer then lays into his rival, who he clearly blamed for making him spin, and even yanks him off his kart on to the track.
The incident, at a karting event in Italy, has been tweeted among chuckling racing drivers including Red Bull ace Mark Webber, SunSport columnist Andy Priaulx and touring car star Gordon Shedden.
Mama mia! There you go. Let that be a lesson to kart racers everywhere, perhaps even the weekend warriors who head on down to the local go-kart track: you mess with a overly-competitive kart racer prone to irrational acts of violent retribution, you’re going to get messed with right back. With extreme prejudice.
(image via the Vancouver Sun)
Calling it “just the greatest day of my life,” Canadian crooner (that’s what we call him: a crooner, right?) Michael Bublé, a lifelong Canucks fan and a co-owner the major junior team Vancouver Giants, practiced with the Vancouver Canucks on Tuesday at Rogers Arena. While doing so, he almost emasculated and humiliated Canucks goaltender Roberto Luongo in the process by nearly scoring on him in a shootout-type setting. D’oh!
The penultimate scene of the practice, when the singer clanked his shot off the left post before wiping out and sliding into the end boards, as told by Bublé to the Vancouver Sun:
“I should have faked the shot backhand and tried to go upstairs. I just missed it. I’m sure Roberto didn’t want me to score and I think he’s pretty happy that I missed it.”
Video follows:
