Archive for December, 2011
Sure, this video of a dejected, tortured Minnesota Vikings fan prone to violent acts of rage while looking at himself in the mirror was originally uploaded to the interwebs back in September, but that does not mean it isn’t worth a minute or two of your time. Viewing the video is especially worthwhile due to the climax, when the guy smashes his head against the bathroom mirror, leaving a cranium-sized, shattered indentation, symbolizing this young man’s broken dreams.
All in all, the production quality is quite impressive. The ominous music really lends an air of foreboding dread, much like the foreboding dread most Vikings fans feel at the prospect of Leslie Frazier returning as head coach next season.
[H/T Total Pro Sports]
TEBOW TEBOW TEBOW TEBOW TEBOW TEBOW TEBOW TEBOW TEBOW TEBOW TEBOW TEBOW TEBOW TEBOW TEBOW……TEBOW!!
If you were to put the above string of Tebows into audio form — speaking of “string of Tebows,” why can’t I purchase a string of lighted Tebows Tebowing so I can decorate my Christmas tree is Tebowtastic glory? — and place them in a constant loop but slightly alter the track so it sounds like the way grown-ups on Charlie Brown cartoons would sound if they repeatedly said “Tebow,” that would be about the equal in irritability you will hear if you tune into the hour-long 2:00 ET edition of SportsCenter on Wednesday. You see, the entire hour will be devoted to none other than Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow. You’ve heard of him, right?
Instead of metaphorically beating my head against the wall by breaking the abject stupidity of it all, instead allow me to bring you the relevant portions of the announcement regarding “A Very Special Episode of SportsCenter” (if ESPN could somehow mix in some Jerry Sandusky coverage during the broadcast it would be just like that very special episode of Diff’rent Strokes with the pervert bicycle shop owner):
ESPN’s “SportsCenter” is planning to dedicate an entire hour-long program to the Tim Tebow phenomenon. Barring major breaking news, the show from 2-3 p.m. ET Wednesday will be dedicated to the young Denver Broncos quarterback. Tebow has brought his team into the playoff mix by winning six of seven starts this season and five games in a row.
Here are some of segments that are planned for the show:
- Highlights of Tebow’ comebacks.
- Josina Anderson reports live from the Broncos facility.
- Jerry Rice will break down Tebow’s development as a passer.
- Steve Young will discuss Tebow’s future and how the Broncos should handle him.
- An Ed Werder feature: “Winning the Tebow Way.”
- The debate over Tebow with Skip Bayless.
- The top-10 Tebow moments, which will include his Florida days.
- An examination of Tebow’s impact on fantasy football.
Sounds grand. I, for one, am especially looking forward to the Ed Werder feature, “Winning the Tebow Way.” Hopefully, I will pick up some valuable insights on how to apply Tebow’s principles to my own life.
I have but one question: bearing in mind how almost every SportsCenter broadcast has gone since the so-called “Tim Tebow Phenomenon” was unleashed upon the world, how much different will this broadcast be from any of the other ones? No, really: how much different?
Thirteen years ago, as Beverly Lynne Hubscher nervously awaited her tryout to become a Philadelphia Eagles cheerleader, she probably never dreamed her life would take the course it did. But as she described her transition from starry-eyed, aspiring cheerleader to “The Queen of Late Nite,” a name she has given herself due to the frequency her films are shown in the nighttime hours on HBO, Cinemax, Showtime, TMC and the Playboy Channel, the woman now known as Beverly Lynne doesn’t regret it one bit.
Synergy! This cannot but help the Minnesota Twins’ efforts as they attempt to retain the services of he free agent outfielder, right? Offering him a 3-year deal in the range of $24-$25 million probably doesn’t hurt either.
In any event, congratulations to Cuddyer and his wife Claudia on the birth of twin girls Chloe and Madeline, who were born sometime on Tuesday. In the grand scheme of things, whether he signs for $24 million with the Twins or $30 million with some other team, the health and happiness of his brood, now consisting of three children — the girls join big brother Casey — probably takes immediate precedence over haggling over money, no matter how much his ultimate payday turns out to be.
That, my friends, is brilliance. Absolutely, positively, potential catalyst to personal injury lawsuits-due-to-fans-getting-dropped-by-balled-up-articles-of-clothing-being-fired-out-of-a-gatling-gun-which-can-fire-twelve-t-shirts-in-five-seconds brilliance. Never before has an improvised version of military firepower been paired together with in-game hijinks so flawlessly and executed so wonderfully.
Maude Flanders would not approve of the implementation of this fantastic device. Was that an easy and lazy reference? Definitely. Necessary? You better believe it. And as an added bonus, here’s video of the scene featuring Maude’s tragic demise in Spanish. “¡Ay, caramba!” indeed.
[H/T Sports Grid]
Obviously, this Bryce Harper fellow is a very talented prospect with an incredibly bright future within the Washington Nationals organization. Perhaps even more obvious is he apparently has quite the high opinion of himself, as evidenced by the brand new tattoo Harper was showcasing on some beach recently, which was photographed and uploaded to Twitter by his brother (via Mr. Irrelevant), Bryan Harper. Call me out of touch or old fashioned and suggest that I’m just not hip with what the kids are into these days, but if you ask me, getting your last name tattooed on your body is a little over the top in my book. Maybe a family crest paying tribute to one’s ancestry, sure, but just your last name in an incredibly annoying font? Fail.
There is one possibly good outcome which could come of Harper’s brand new ink: if he ever gets bonked on the head and loses his memory, at least the authorities will have a good starting-off point to establish his identity. Which is nice. That’s why I have my Social Security Number tattooed on my wrist. You see, that’s not arrogant. Just incredibly practical. And no, I have had no problems with identity theft as a result. I mean, what kind of person would want to steal blogger’s identity? I’ll tell you what kind of person: a woodhead who likely has failed miserably in each and every identity theft scheme he or she has thought up, that’s what kind of person.
(click to enlarge)
While it is worth conceding that the above letter, written personally (presumably) by none other than NBA Commissioner David Stern is a far better alternative than a John Deere letter from him announcing that there would be no NBA season this year, the assurances, promises and optimism expressed by Stern therein rings a bit hollow, at least to me.
Granted, I am far too lazy and disinterested to spend my time poring over pages upon pages of breakdowns, analysis and whatnot to determine exactly what was agreed upon between the players and the owners, the fact alone that the climate still apparently exists where the Los Angeles Lakers are making waves related to their attempt — no matter how far-fetched the aspirations may be — to land both the New Orleans Hornets’ Chris Paul and the Orlando Magic’s Dwight Howard in some kind of mind-boggling mega-deal causes me to arrive at the conclusion that the upcoming season — which Stern promises to be an exciting one – simply will be business as usual for the NBA, typified by the glamorous teams dominating the landscape while less sexy teams scrape around for scraps left at the bottom of the barrel. Doesn’t sound like the new collective bargaining agreement, in its design, provides more competitive balance for league, even though Stern assures us that’s what it is designed to do.
Zing! Why is it funny, you ask? Well, allow me explain it to you: it’s funny, you see, because the Chicago Cubs aren’t traditionally a very good baseball team and because of this, they do not frequently participate in the MLB playoffs which take place during the fall, and, at least according the prevailing theme of this particular comic strip, due to the preceding facts, the Cubs are unlikely to be playing in October anytime soon, and even if the team somehow managed to add arguably the best player in Major League Baseball, the talent upgrade would sadly fall short of what would be necessary for the underachieving team to make the next step and achieve postseason success. See? Funny.
The Minnesota Vikings traveled down to Atlanta two weeks ago to take on the Falcons which ultimately led to another loss for the Purple. During the game, Vikings long snapper Cullen Loeffler was injured and defensive end Jared Allen, who did a bit of long snapping in college while attending Utah Idaho State, stepped in and assumed the role.
During a field goal attempt and while serving as the last-ditch long snapper, Allen appeared to punch former teammate and current Atlanta Falcons defensive end Ray Edwards in the junk. Allen was making an appearance on PFT Live with Mile Florio on Tuesday when spun a yarn about how he made good on the promise to his ex-teammate that he would punch Edwards right in the wiener.
Video featuring the Allen audio follows.
Not only does this lady Green Bay Packers fan wear her Cheesehead bra with pride, she also wears it with a fair amount of humility and retains a reasonable amount of dignity in the process. Because no one really needs to – nor should they want to do such a thing — wear a cheesehead bra as an actual bra. Who knows if it would provide the necessary support, let alone the certifiable fact that one would be forcing such an objectionable sight upon innocent onlookers.
But seriously, what’ s next? Cheesehead pants? Cheesehead shirts? Cheesehead sportcoats for those more formal events where slapping a Cheesehead on one’s melon wouldn’t be appropriate? How about Cheesehead underwear? Please tell me there isn’t such a thing as Cheesehead underwear. Please. I just don’t think I could handle that.
[H/T Sports Pickle]
EA Sports: It’s in the game. And by “it,” I assume they are including inadvertent kissing between two rival soccer players in their FIFA 12 video game under the all-encompassing umbrella term.
In the video (courtesy of Sports Grid), Liverpool’s Andy Carrol becomes entangled with the Arsenal goalkeeper, which leads to the exchanging of, uh, pleasantries between the two as they lie on the pitch.
Obviously, this is an unplanned, unintended happenstance courtesy of some video quirk which simply gives the appearance that the two soccer players are kissing, but let’s assume for a moment that it was intentional and that the two pixelated players couldn’t control themselves: it’s not that there’s anything wrong with that.
I’m not saying, I’m just saying. Because if the ad wizards at Nike — and I cannot say for certain if this ad is old or new — couldn’t put together that mentioning nails in an ad featuring Tim Tebow wouldn’t cause even the most casual observer to reasonably infer that it the ad is making a subtle reference to Jesus Christ’s Crucifixion? well, nah, they had to realize it, right? It likely wouldn’t cross anyone’s mind with any other athlete, but with Tebow, they are practically inviting the connection.
Now, whether it as purposeful or not, the simple act of bringing up this observation will sure to get the Tebowmaniacs worked up into a lather, because with each passing day, it is becoming more clear due to the near-fanatical zealotry exhibited by some people when Tebow is mentioned that a vocal lunatic fringe may exist within the Tebow fan population who experience great difficulty differentiating between the Broncos quarterback and the Real Deal. But who am I to say? According to the Tebowites, I’m just a Godless heathen who will burn in Hell for all eternity for even daring to criticize Tim Tebow and not genuflecting at his feet. So there you go. Apparently, you can’t be a decent Christian and at the same time dislike Tim Tebow, as if they are mutually exclusive conditions. So go ahead and pile on and defend your hero, if you must.
[image via Terez Owens]
Sweet sassy molassey. Here’s a perfect example why it is important to keep for a hockey player to try and keep his head up at all times during a shift, lest said player finds himself the unwitting target of a 6′ 3″, 214 pound runaway train on skates.
During Monday night’s 4-2 Maple Leafs victory over the Rangers, Toronto captain Dion Phaneuf leveled an unbelievably violent check on New York defenseman Mike Sauer late in the third period. I mean he really lowered the boom on the guy. Phaneuf hit Sauer so hard the guy’s kids will be born dizzy. If he was left with the capacity to procreate, that is.
Sauer’s helmet was knocked off his head due to the sheer force of Phaneuf’s brutal hit that and it took Sauer a few second to gather his thoughts and figure out where the hell he was. Sauer’s helmet-less head also appeared to hit the boards which only added to the brutality of the collision.
By all accounts, it looks like a pretty clean hit by Phaneuf — although it does appear that Phaneuf’s shoulder connected with Sauer’s but he kept his elbows down — so no need to enter into that debate. Hockey is a physical sport and when played correctly, can result in absolutely fantastic plays like the one above by Phaneuf. Well played, sir. Oh, and one more reason to admire Mr. Phaneuf: he happens to be the long-time boyfriend of one Elisha Cuthbert. Not too shabby. And speaking of which and just for the heck of it, here’s an Elisha Cuthbert photo gallery I assembled a few years ago. You’re welcome.
Ha. What a cad. LeBron James took to Twitter to mention he was taking care of some Christmas shopping for his kids on Monday at Toys R Us when “#kidmemories” got the best of him while taking a look at some Captain America gear. There could be a joke about this photo dealing with LeBron’s playoff failings and wearing the mask of a beloved superhero, but I am either too lazy or too disinterested to attempt to make it. Or maybe there isn’t a joke in there — I am not too familiar with Captain America’s story. I was more of a Spider-Man and Fantastic Four kind of kid. Add on the fact that poking fun at LeBron’s “coming up short in the 4th quarter” jokes are played. So played.
Finally, given the fact that LeBron doesn’t want to grow up because he’s a Toys R Us kid as documented by the above photo, I wonder what happens when he eats a bowl of Frosted Mini Wheats. When he reverts to childlike form, does his hairline come back? Yep, I went with a LeBron’s hairline joke but eschewed the “coming up short in the 4th quarter” bit because jokes about King James’ receding hairline aren’t played at all. Nope. Not played at all.
In what most certainly will generate further controversy for the Uruguayan soccer star, Luis Suarez, a striker for Liverpool, made his feelings clearly known regarding how he felt about Fulham fans taunting him as he walked off the pitch after he attempted to draw a penalty by taking a dive and was not rewarded by the referee for his flopping efforts during Liverpool’s 1-0 loss to Fulham. Yep, he flipped them the bird, a tried and true means to express one’s displeasure.
Now, I don’t know much about soccer, nor do I know much about this Suarez fella, but given the kind of crazy stuff that typically occurs in soccer stadiums around the globe, whether it be by the fans or the players, Suarez’s middle-fingered salute is actually pretty tame, but I am sure that will do nothing to quell the hand-wringing and gnashing of teeth sure to take place as a result of the soccer player’s gestural antics. You know, because everybody loves a good controversy, even when there’s really not one.
[via The Telegraph]
