Archive for November, 2011
Sweet sassy molassesey: ain’t nothing right about those hands, kids.
All credit goes to Deadspin for capturing and documenting these two phalangelical-related atrocities. First up is Michael Strahan and as DS points out, while it’s not uncommon for ex-NFL players to have grotesque fingers as a result of their playing careers in such a brutal game, to have his twisted digits so prominently featured in an ad is a bizarre choice.
Next up: Torry Holt. All I can say about his nightmare fuel of a deformity is, uh, ouch. But in both cases, it’s safe to say these guys will never score a cameo role as a Vulcan in any Star Trek film or television program. “Live long and — holy crap!!! What’s wrong with your hands?!? Did you just escape from a Romulan prison camp or something?”
A controversial play occurred during the Oakland Raiders’ 24-17 win over the reeling San Diego Chargers on Thursday night. It appeared that Chargers WR Vincent Brown came down with a nifty touchdown reception late in the third quarter, and it was ruled as such on the field. However, Raiders coach Hue Jackson threw his red challenge flag, and thankfully he did, because without doing so, we would have never heard this long-winded, seemingly-unending explanation of everybody’s favorite NFL referee/bicep model (okay there’s no such, but if there were, oh, if there were) Ed Hochuli:
By now you have hopefully seen Funny or Die’s first video featuring Mike Tyson’s spot-on impression of presidential candidate hopeful Herman Cain, as it was a real hoot. Well, Sunday Monday Happy Days, as another video has been released, and in this one, Tyson takes satirical aim at Cain’s already-absurd re-imagining of John Lennon’s “Imagine” (“Imagine there’s no pizza”). It’s a real treat. Enjoy.
You know, Mike Tyson should just run for President.
[H/T Uproxx]
When a group of enterprising Detroit Lions fans formed an alliance to circulate an online petition last week in a desperate effort to prevent Nickelback from performing at halftime of the Lions’ Thanksgiving Day game on Nov. 24 against the Green Bay Packers, many hoped that such an inspired movement might work. Sadly, despite over 51,000 people signing a digital petition in order to express their abhorrence at the thought of the poseur rock outfit sullying their holiday good-time cheer, it was not to be as it now has been confirmed that indeed, Nickelback will “rock” Ford Field on Turkey Day. A sad day for the ears of the citizens of Detroit, nay, the nation, to be sure.
Tracy Holmes, the United Way’s NFL partnership director, issued the following statement, which in no way alluded to the online movement, “We’re grateful to Nickelback for donating their time and resources to the United Way Thanksgiving Halftime Show.”
Nickelback also released a statement and they as well made no mention to the fact that NO ONE WANTS THEM TO BE THERE: “We are honored to perform at the United Way halftime show on Thanksgiving Day,” singer Chad Kroeger said in the release. “We always love playing in Detroit. Our fans there have been tremendously supportive of us through the years, and we can’t wait to come back and celebrate an exciting day for the Lions and the city of Detroit.” Well, WHOOP-DEE-FREAKING-DOO!!!
What an utter disappointment. Well, I guess I know when I’ll be making time for my mid-afternoon constitutional. Seems fitting, does it not?
Protest aside, Nickelback confirmed as Lions Thanksgiving performer [Detroit Free Press via Shutdown Corner]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Police noticed 20-year-old Becca Voss weaving in and out of lanes at approximately 2:53 a.m. After pulling her over and noticing glassy, red eyes and appearing disoriented, Voss, smoking a cigarette, dropped her heater in the car’s door, igniting papers located inside. After failing field sobriety tests and recording a whopping BAC of .207, Voss was arrested, resulting in this epic mug shot. She looks happy. Probably relieved about not being severely burned. [msnbc]
• At the time of writing of this post, Tiger Woods is leading the Australian Open. Good for him. [Devil Ball Golf]
• According to a poll of NFL players, Giants coach Tom Coughlin was voted as the coach players would least likely want to play for. Strange. He looks so cheery. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Take a gander at the ballot for the 2012 NHL All-Star Game and see if you think anyone got snubbed. [Puck Daddy]
• Erin Andrews looked positively stunning rocking this pink dress the other night at the CMAs. [Busted Coverage]
• Adrian Peterson says he hasn’t bought anything since signing his $100 million contract. [Shutdown Corner]
• The owner of Real Salt Lake went on the radio and said the NBA lockout was over. He was wrong. [Bob's Blitz]
• Columnist Mark Madden believes Penn State should cancel the rest of the season. Yeah, that seems fair to the players who have nothing to do with the scandal. [Off the Bench]
• Ohio State has been slapped with a “failure to monitor” charge. [Rumors & Rants]
• The five best MLB uniform changes of the last 20 years. [Big League Stew]
• This Eagles fan’s rapping skills are unparalleled. [With Leather]
• Time for another educational edition of KSK’s Sex & Fantasy Football Mailbag. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Somebody stole former NBAer Shawn Bradley’s custom-built bicycle. [Ball Don't Lie]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: [Video] Tom Brady, Mark Sanchez Prepare For Jets-Pats Matchup By Having Sex With Each Other
Hilarious, yet strange. Very, very strange. While the above “Episode 1″ featuring Branko, a/k/a “The Prostate Czech,” a tracksuit-wearing Eastern European guy who straps on a rubber glove and approaches men to ask them if they would like a prostate exam only features a couple of hockey players and Branko’s interactions with them, the subsequent “Episode 2″ (which can be viewed here) features several hockey players and explores The Prostate Czech’s quest to ensure men are getting their prostates checked. His motto: “A man. A cause. A finger.” Yikes.
It’s quite a bizarre public awareness campaign, but I guess it could be seen as effective way to motivate men to get prostate exams. Just as long as Branko isn’t the one delivering it. That would be profoundly awkward. Clive Clemmons would likely call it “Inappropriate,” especially in light of the goings-on regarding a certain big-time college football program. But really, there is no need at all to relate the two.
(Note: I first saw the commercial while watching the Minnesota Wild-San Jose Sharks game, so I guess that makes it somewhat sports-related. Also it ties in well with the many NHL players’ involvement with the Movember campaign, so there you go)
No matter whether the newest novelty jerseys for the Florida Everblades cause your mind to turn to the trippy YouTube video for “Octopus’s Garden” by The Beatles, “Under the Sea” from The Little Mermaid or SpongeBob SquarePants, there is no arguing one certifiable fact: these jerseys are downright adorable. Not that I would want to be an Everblades player who has to wear these bad boys on Nov. 19. But when you learn why they are donning the jerseys, not to mention the source of the interesting artwork, it makes a lot more sense. It makes them awesome, even.
From Naples News (via Puck Daddy):
Now, before you go crazy and ask yourself why the team would wear “Little Mermaid” themed jerseys (especially when everyone knows that “The Lion King” is the current craze), I must tell you that according to the team, all the drawings on the jerseys were done by patients at the Southwest Florida Children’s Hospital.
The Everblades work closely with the hospital throughout the year, including donating toys from the annual Teddy Bear Toss and pairing players with patients for a special program called “‘Blades Buddies.” After Saturday’s game on Nov. 19, the jerseys will be auctioned off with proceeds going to the hospital.
Kudos to the Everblades for their charitable work. I can only imagine how much it means to those kids. Well done.
Additional photo of the out-of-sight jersey follows.
This brouhaha occurred during the Tampa Bay Lightning’s 2-1 overtime win over the Philadelphia Flyers, and believe you me, it’s a doozy. One relevant piece of information which makes the fight even more compelling: Braydon Coburn is 6’5″, 220 pounds, a full six inches taller and twenty pounds heavier than his fellow pugilist. This Steve Downie fella has got guts, I’ll give him that.
And to be fair to Downie, he actually lands some pretty good shots at the onset of the fight, but Coburn’s size and strength ultimately overpower the smaller Downie, as Coburn rains blows upon the Lightning winger.
But once again, you have to give Downie credit. It was like a David vs. Goliath kind-of-thing going on there. Only on skates. And without a sling and some rocks. And it wasn’t covered in the Bible. But otherwise, exactly the same.
[H/t Pro Hockey Talk]
He’s banned?
He’s banned.
But what is he going to do for vegemite sandwiches?
Trevor Herden (not to be confused with Tyler Durden), the director of tournaments for Golf Australia has decreed that John Daly is not welcome at the Australian PGA Championship in two weeks, or any time after, for that matter, after the golfer’s conduct Thursday at the Australian Open when Daly deposited seven balls into the drink on the 11th hole before storming off the course in a huff after running out of balls and quitting the tournament.
Via USA Today:
Golf Australia’s director of tournaments, Trevor Herden, called him “unprofessional” and said while the Australian Open loves to have major champions in the field, “I would say this is the last time we will see John Daly.”
Careful what you wish for, mate. Actually, in recent years, Daly has transitioned from a train wreck/circus sideshow into something more akin to that runaway train in that Denzel Washington movie. You know, Remember the Titans. Or was it Philadelphia? Either way, losing Daly at this stage in the game is hardly going to damage the integrity, prestige or competitiveness of a tournament.
In any event, what’s done is done and Daly likely burned a few bridges with his behavior. No matter. If you ask me, my guess is Daly’s reaction to Herden’s comments would be similar to the thoughts of one Bart Simpson regarding the Aussies in the episode, Bart vs. Australia:
But for the love of all that is decent, John, just say it. No need to moon them.
PGA of Australia uninvites John Daly [USA Today]
An intrepid tipster alerted the always-excellent Puck Daddy to this eBay listing which purports that the above jersey is what the Philadelphia Flyers will don for the 2012 Winter Classic on Jan. 2. when they take on the New York Rangers at Citizens Bank Park. The description of the intriguing item:
- Brand New with Tags
- 2012 Winter Classic
- January 2, 2012
- Philadelphia Flyers Semi Pro Jersey
- Players will be wearing this style of Jersey during the outdoor game.
- Laces are the neckline
- Logo is made of Felt wool
- CCM Style Jersey and not like the Reebok Premier Jersey
- Made by Reebok
- MADE IN CANADA
- Everything on the jersey is stitched on
Now, Wysh over at PD is far more knowledgeable regarding all things NHL-related, so I trust his judgment when he writes, after noting many interesting aspects of the jersey, including the writing on the inside of the collar, that if this jersey isn’t the real deal, ” it’s a damn good one.”
But really, in this crazy world, what is really real and what isn’t? I don’t know. I do know, however, that there are two of these bad boys available, and if they are legit, the person selling them could bring in far more than then $150 Canadian “Buy it Now” price.
No, Adam Scott is not parading around a ginormous seabird around the grounds of The Lakes Golf Club in Sydney Australia. That would be kooky, although it would be a sight to see, to be sure. But perhaps even more impressive was the albatross Scott carded when he holed out on his second shot from 199 yards out on the 557-yard, par-5 eighth hole on Thursday during the first round of the Australian Open. The ball landed just a few feet from the pin and lazily made its way into the cup. Outstanding. And I of course presume that Stevie Williams, Scott’s caddie, took all the credit for the amazing shot. That’s how he rolls.
Cool. I bet they had “Highway to the Danger Zone” just cranked when the entire time workers were installing the court on the deck of the USS Carl Vinson (a name, which for some reason, makes me think of Jerry Seinfeld’s alias Kel Varnsen) for the 2011 Quicken Loans Carrier Classic game between the Michigan State Spartans and the North Carolina Tar Heels.
I also imagine there were a bunch of those aircraft director dudes running around instructing everyone what to do, as that would have been fitting. And a nod to proper aircraft carrier protocol.
[image courtesy of Kendall Marshall via SB Nation]
Connor Falaguerra, a wide receiver for Milford (Conn.) Jonathan Law High secured the only touchdown scored for his team in a 46-7 pasting laid upon his squad courtesy of New Haven (Conn.) Hillhouse High.
Now that, my friends, is how one should go about making a one-handed touchdown catch. This one had style points, kids. A little bit of juggle while leaping high and arm fully-extended. Well done, kid. Jeez,, I pulled a muscle in my back just watching the darn highlight.
[H/T Prep Rally]
To be completely upfront, I don’t know much about Armenian weightlifter Meline Daluzyan, but I can assure you of one thing: she scares the ever-living crap out of me. And, if given the opportunity, she would quite capably beat the snot out of me. Yikes.
(Regarding the title of the post, see here)
[via]
Yep, that is the two New York Knicks teammates hanging out with Grover, learning more about the word “compare.” Good stuff. Carmelo really seems to be enjoying the experience, while Amar’e appears keenly focused on the task at hand.
Little known fact: in reality, when’s he’s not sticking to a bit, that Grover sure can ball. Additional little known fact: Elmo is a chucker. But really, you can tell that just by looking at him.
Amazingly, Sesame Street is celebrating its debut 42 years ago today, Nov. 10. Congratulations to them on the tremendous accomplishment and for the many years of quality children’s television programming they have aired. I wonder if Carmelo brought along his pet camel to help celebrate the momentous achievement. That would have been fun for everyone.
[H/T Ball Don't Lie]
