Archive for October, 2011
The quite-possibly slightly unhinged frankfurter flinger has come forward to provide his side of the story regarding the strange scene which took place on Sunday when he threw a hot dog at Tiger Woods during the final round of the Frys.com Open. While it is a safe assumption that any reasoning behind such an offbeat act would be a bit on the kooky side to say the least, the inspiration for the hot dog toss 31-year-old Petaluma, CA native Brandon Kelly has offered up is even more bizarre than anybody could have possibly presumed: he was motivated to do it by watching a movie starring Ryan Gosling.
While initially hoping to remain anonymous (shocking that did not occur), Kelly, who was charged by the Santa Clara Police Department on a misdemeanor charge of suspicion disturbing the peace, had this to say to the Santa Rose Press Democrat (via Pro Golf Talk):
I threw the hot dog toward Tiger Woods because I was inspired by the movie ‘Drive,’” Kelly said. “As soon as the movie ended, I thought to myself, ‘I have to do something courageous and epic. I have to throw a hot dog on the green in front of Tiger.’”
Courageous and epic? How does a person go from deciding that they are going to do something courageous and epic to suddenly saying to oneself, “You know what? I’m going to throw a hot dog at Tiger Woods. That will most certainly display a whole bunch of courageousness, not to mention the epic nature of my life’s path.” Oh yeah, a person arrives at that conclusion because that person is insane.
And he got this idea from watching Drive? Far be it from me to criticize the reasons behind what inspires a person to act upon such ridiculous ideas, but motivated by a Ryan Gosling film? And that particular movie, no less? If I have this Brandon Kelly’s fractured psychological state pegged correctly, wouldn’t it have made much more sense had he been inspired by the actions of Gosling’s character is Lars and the Real Girl?
Tiger Woods fan explains hot-dog toss [Santa Rose Press Democrat (via Pro Golf Talk)]
British tennis star Andy Murray had an honor bestowed upon him few ever have the opportunity to enjoy: to have one’s likeness recreated in statue form…terribly.
Murray, in Shanghai, China for the Rolex Masters this week, is seen above reacting to a statue of him depicted as a Terra Cotta Warrior, and the only way I can properly explain the look on his face is abject confusion, perhaps with a little bit of shock and horror thrown in there as well, as in, “What the fungus? Bloody hell, this can’t be me. There must be some mix-up here. This cannot be how people perceive me, right?”
I mean, look at thing. It’s hideous. What’s the deal with the hair, or what appears to be hair? To me, the bulbous bumps and dips in the sculpture’s cranial area make Ugly Terra Cotta Warrior Andy Murray Statue appear less like a fitting and accurate tribute to a great tennis player and more like the poor guy suffered from the same grotesque condition as the Elephant Man. Yikes.
According to a post on We Are Tennis, every singles winner of the Shanghai Masters is rewarded for their championship with their own Terra Cotta Warrior. Seems like an awfully mean-spirited way to pay tribute.
Amusing video of Murray’s consternating, at-a-loss reaction as he poses for photos alongside his statue in complete bemusement follows.
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Question: why would anybody serve pot brownies at a freaking funeral? How about if they were served as a tribute to the deceased who was an avid pot brownie eater? Still, it probably would be a good idea to tell the people at the funeral about it. Which didn’t happen. Be that as it may, two 71-year-old women and an 82-year-old man were taken to the emergency room after unknowingly ingesting pot-laced brownies at a funeral service in Huntington Beach, CA. Far out funeral, man. [Yahoo!]
• NBA players took to the tweets to vent their frustration over canceled games. [With Leather]
• Oh dear: allegedly, here’s a photo of Ryan Howard tooling around on a Rascal at a Whole Foods in Philly. [Busted Coverage]
• Deion Sanders says Rex Grossman is the best QB in the NFC East. The worst part is he might be right. [Larry Brown Sports]
• The Raiders only had 10 players on the field for the game-clinching play on Sunday. [Shutdown Corner]
• The 14 greatest foul ball fails of all-time. [Ranker]
• The rumors that Theo Epstein is leaving the Red Sox to take over the Cubs are really gaining steam. [Big League Stew]
• A Colombian soccer star was arrested in Saudi Arabia because he had a Jesus tattoo. [Off the Bench]
• KSK’s LOLNFL for Week 5. Well done, gents. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Awww: Dwight Howard surprised a little girl on Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. [That NBA Lottery Pick]
• Here are seven possible replacement acts for Monday Night Football song. [Sports Pickle]
• I bet ESPN loved Kid Rock’s pro-Hank Williams, Jr. shirt which appeared on MNF on Monday night. [Bob's Blitz]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Man Delivering Baby In Taxi Decides To Go For Emergency C-Section
Holy Rapidly-Spreading Chest and Armpit Sweat Stains, Batman!
Not really much else to add other than the “sweating like a whore in church” reference you read above, except that the San Antonio Spurs coach would be an excellent candidate to endorse Degree deodorant, and with the lockout not likely to be lifted anytime soon, I bet Pops could use the extra cash.
Although in hindsight, I should probably be more conservative with my excessive perspiration-based criticisms of Mr. Gregg Popovich, what with him being the Terminator Coach Guy and all. Certainly not a guy you want to cross.
[H/T Ball Don't Lie]
Wow. These two cameramen — actually, they’re not cameramen at all, they’re more like camerapansies — who decided to mix it up for some unknown reason outside of the hotel where negotiations were taking place between players union leaders and NBA officials, which of course stalled, bringing about the cancellation of the first two weeks of the season). Go ahead and make a sad face about that if you wish, but to be honest, my only response to that news was “Meh,” especially after I watched the above pugilistic atrocity, then I quickly ceased to care at all about what occurred right inside the doors from where these two bozos set back the male gender about 2,000 years.
In fact, there’s little actual fighting going on, just a bunch of dancing around and shameful kicks. I’m not kidding or overdoing it with hyperbole: this is one of the most embarrassing fights ever caught on tape. Except for maybe the Ortiz-Mayweather fight, but that’s another story altogether.
UPDATE: if I wasn’t so lazy, I would have checked the vlogger’s description of what was actually happening in the video:
Two cameramen, one representing Reuters, and another from an unnamed company got into a street brawl after fighting for space to interview NBPA president Derek Fisher.
Oh. Well, okay then. With that in mind, this non-fight was totally worth it.
[H/T Sports Grid (via Off the Bench)]
A high school quarterback in Oregon has accomplished a feat never before done in organized football history: in a high-scoring affair, McKenzie High’s Will Totten had 11 TD passes in an epic game against a team from Lowell High.
Totten also tacked on 553 passing yards, ran for 117 more and added a rushing touchdown in his team’s 88-80 win. An impressive display of quarterbacking, to be sure, even when it is taken into account that the amazing statistical performance was accomplished in an 8-man football league, where the field is traditionally smaller and games are more wide open and higher scoring.
At first, the team believed Totten threw for 500 yards and 10 touchdowns, the stats that were originally reported, but after an additional video review of the game footage, it was discovered that Totten had a far better game than originally reported.
Said Totten regarding his remarkable achievement (via Prep Rally):
“It was a wild-west shootout,” Totten told The Register-Guard. “One of the most fun games I have ever been a part of. I’ll probably remember it for the rest of my life.”
Indeed he will. Treasure it now and forever, young Will Totten. As far as amassing insane stats at QB are concerned, this is the best it’s ever going to get. Unless he joins the Arena Football League, I guess. Numbers like the ones Totten put up are pretty commonplace in that league.
Arena Football is still around, right? I have to be honest, I have no idea.
Statistically speaking: QB’s 11 TD passes may be football record [Prep Rally]
I am just guessing on the kids on his lawn part, but if his attitude towards the technological tools of the younger generation are any indication, Charles would probably prefer they steer clear of his yard, especially if they’re tweeting.
In a video uploaded Monday to his official site under the heading “Rant and Rave”, Chuck explains his antipathy for social media and other new, emerging technologies…like, uh, TiVo? (As transcribed by the good folks at The700Level):
“Tweet is for losers. And what I mean by that, if you wake up in the morning and you’re worried about what I’m doing, you a damn idiot. You are a damn idiot. I don’t feel the need to put every thought that comes in my head out to the world. I don’t feel that. And I hope nobody wakes up in the morning and says let me follow Charles Barkley for the day.”
Ha. “Tweet” is for losers. I love when older people try to talk about stuff they don’t understand. It’s like how your grandpa still insists on complaining about “The MTV.”
Charles continues, regarding Facebook:
“I’m not trying to keep up with people from my past. I’m running from them,” Barkley said.
Brilliant. Well said, Charles.
Finally, on that highfaluting TiVo thingamajobber:
“That’s what reruns are for.”
Fair enough, Sir Chuck. Can’t argue with him on that one. Actually, I could, but I will instead appreciate his thoughts on the topic, even if they are a bit behind the times. Now stay out of his yard, you damn whippersnappers!
Quotable: Charles Barkley Don’t Tweet [The700Level]
Totally cool, sure, but I still don’t know what the heck is going on with that weird sport. Sure, I could read up on it, maybe watch a few matches — the 2011 Rugby World Cup has been going on since September and will continue until the final on Oct. 23 — you know, try to better understand the globally popular game, but that would cause some psychological compatibility issues with my crippling xenophobia. I agree, simply by admitting that I have come across as a total blockhead. Ha. Blockhead.
But seriously, it is a pretty neat video. I wonder how long that took someone to create. Probably longer than my attention span could…
Ooh, look! A shiny coin on the floor!
[H/T The Telegraph]
I know, I know, your first question is: who in the heck is Bud Norris and why should anyone give a rip what he thinks? My sentiments exactly.
But in the interest of providing some context, Bud Norris is a pitcher for the horrible Houston Astros. He went 6-11 in 31 starts with a very respectable 3.77 ERA and he can’t stand Brian Wilson’s new Taco Bell commercial where Brian Wilson acts all Brian Wilson. In fact, the new sport is driving him so nuts that he expressed his displeasure Monday night on Twitter.
While it is pointed out over at Big League Stew that Norris’ rant could have at least been somewhat precipitated by TBS’ incessant airing of the spot, the fact that Norris questions a player with a much more accomplished baseball career regarding what he does in his spare time comes across as a bit foolish and petty. Maybe Norris is a bit slow on the uptake, but in case he hadn’t noticed, the Giants didn’t qualify for the playoffs this season, so it’s not like Wilson’s work in a Taco Bell commercial is interfering with his baseball career. Maybe if it had a been a tweet from Chuck Norris or something I would have cared a bit more.
[H/T Big League Stew]
That Terrell Suggs. He’s his own man. And his individualistic display is pretty much what you would expect out of a guy like him. You know, because he’s awesomely deranged.
Speaking of awesomely deranged people, who else is surprised that Ray Lewis was able to sit still for the Baltimore Ravens official team photo? Just look at him sitting there and behaving himself. One would suspect he would have wanted to get in on the demonstrative pose along with his teammate. Perhaps he has matured in his later years. Let’s hope not, though.
[via @1WinningDrive]
After many foiled attempts yesterday at uploading a video of the incident, we’ve got one. As you might have heard, the videos on YouTube of the unbalanced fellow who felt it was a good idea to try to throw a hot dog at Tiger Woods during Sunday’s final round at the Frys.com Open were getting pulled as soon as they were uploaded. But at long last, it appears we have one that’s here to stay, thanks to the paragons of the press that is TMZ (via Deadspin). And for that, we thank them.
Via Golf.com:
“Some guy just came running on the green, and he had a hot dog, and evidently … I don’t know how he tried to throw it, but I was kind of focusing on my putt when he started yelling,” said Woods, who didn’t seem bothered by it all. “Next thing I know, he laid on the ground, and looked like he wanted to be arrested because he … put his hands behind his back and turned his head.”
Sgt. Jose Cardoza said the man was arrested for disturbing the peace and removed from the property. Because it was a misdemeanor, Cardoza said the man would not be taken to jail and his name not disclosed. Cardoza said only that he was from Santa Rosa.
“He was very cooperative,” Cardoza said. “They said, ‘Why did you do this?’ He just shook his head in guilt or remorse. He didn’t give a reason why he did it.”
Weird stuff, to be sure. But why? Why did this fellow — other than being an unbalanced individual, clearly — decide Sunday was high time to chuck a wiener at Tiger Woods? Sgt. Cardoza added the man did not appear drunk and added that the still-unidentified man — I think we should refer to him from this point forward as Frank Furter, but I’m an idiot — was not throwing the hot dog at Tiger, he claimed was just throwing it in the air. Yeah, right. I’m pretty sure Woods hit it right on the head when he said, “I guess he wanted to be in the news. And I’m sure he will be.” Exactly.
Fan throws hot dog at Woods [Golf.com]
[video via TMZ]
Awesome. The transformation from man-to-supernatural-beast featured in the above video is a lot like the metamorphosis scene in An American Werewolf in London (one of the best scenes in horror movie history, mind you), only in Luleå, Sweden — and without the trademark whimsical handling of writer/director John Landis.
Be that as it may, the 2011-12 season promo video for Luleå Hockeyförening, a hockey club which competes in the Elitserien league, is all kinds of awesome, as is rare that a viewer discretion advised warning has to be spelled out prior to a team video.
But, as Wysh over at Puck Daddy points out, the official mascot of the club is a bear, so technically, it should be inferred that the player is turning into a werebear, not a werewolf, but that shouldn’t take away from the brilliance of it all.
[H/T Puck Daddy]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Two women engaged in an ongoing dispute mixed it up in a Maryland Walmart had the ante upped when one of them poured bleach and Pine Sol on the other woman, prompting officials to evacuate the store for two hours. Reports indicate that 19 people were sent to the hospital for injuries but it is not mentioned anywhere the inherent benefits spilling bleach in a Walmart has on the store itself and the gross dredges of humanity who shop there. [azcentral]
• The Philadelphia Flyers had a promotion where fans could win tickets to Wednesday’s game by extracting potential winning pucks from a ginormous block of ice. Yeah, I’m confused, too. [Puck Daddy]
• Awesome: one-time Raiders head coach Mike Shanahan once ordered Elvis Grbac to drill Al Davis in the head with a football during warmups. [Shutdown Corner]
• If the Indianapolis Colts end up with number one overall draft pick next year, they would consider drafting Andrew Luck. (head asplodes) [Larry Brown Sports]
• The NBA has canceled the first two weeks of the season and I feel fine. [Ball Don't Lie]
• Ever seen a video of an antelope running over a mountain biker? Click through and you can cross that one off your bucket list. [Off the Bench]
• Ah yes, my favorite verbal gaffe: Antonio Pierce called Donovan McNabb an “escape goat.” [Bob's Blitz]
• Here is a Cam Newton fan terrorizing a little girl during last Sunday’s game. [Busted Coverage]
• Ouch: race horse runs into rail, tossing jockey. [Outside the Boxscore]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Horny Man Not Even Going To Inflate Her All The Way
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• After noticing some missing items from his home, an East Bethel, MN man installed a security camera. Imagine his surprise when the surveillance footage captured a neighbor, an 18-year-old woman, crawling through the doggie door in the kitchen. Amanda Rose Owens has confessed to breaking into the man’s home three times and said she did it to raise funds to pay more her pornography addiction. While possible, I’d say if you click through on the story and get a gander at the complexion she’s sporting in her booking photo, the chance her crime spree was instead to support her meth addiction is much more likely. [Yahoo!]
• Forget about “Are you ready for some football?”, how about “Are you ready for some passive aggression?” [With Leather]
• Saturday Night Live did an amusing Moneyball parody. [Big League Stew]
• Pregnant woman finishes Chicago Marathon, promptly gives birth. Huh. [Off the Bench]
• Illinois head coach Ron Zook admitted he didn’t know the score of the game when he went for a two-point conversion on Saturday. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Did an Arizona Cardinals player poop his pants during yesterday’s game? Click through and judge for yourself. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Just when you thought Kris Humphries couldn’t get any douchier… [Bob's Blitz]
• Are we witnessing the dawn of the Tim Tebow Era in Denver? [Shutdown Corner]
• Okay, people: enough with all the jumping to conclusions about the NHL. [Puck Daddy]
• LeBron James did another commercial for those Sheets thingies. [That NBA Lottery Pick]
• A behind-the-scenes look at the making of the new Derrick Rose-Bull commercial. [Sharapova's Thigh]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Vikings Sticking With McNabb Because They Hate Him
Dear Lord, what in the heck is that thing? Thanks to the intrepid investigative work performed by Grant Brisbee at SB Nation, it has been uncovered that the above monstrosity you see is a rendering of a sculpture that will allegedly be placed out beyond the center field wall at the Miami Marlins new ballpark starting next season. There’s no way around it : it’s…disturbing.
Sure, the Marlins’ new logo is terrible, but the aquarium behind home plate will be pretty cool, but the Home Run Celebrating Disaster Contraption certainly tips the scales in the direction of fail. And even worse? It’s mechanized and will supposedly move and emit noises. Seriously.
Video of how the sculpture might appear in action follows.
