Archive for October, 2011
In a move that will surely delight Cubs fans who also happen to be Mike Judge fans, Theo Epstein, new president of baseball operations for the North Siders, busted out a well-crafted Office Space reference during his introductory news conference, comparing his final days with the Red Sox organization with the humiliating experiences of Milton, the befuddled, bespectacled boob (and red Swingline stapler lover) who continued to show up — and receive paychecks — at Initech despite the fact he was laid off years earlier.
The Theo-as-Milton is An apt comparison, I’m sure, given the awkwardness I am sure which characterized Epstein’s last few weeks, although it’s a good thing that Epstein didn’t act upon any Milton-esque impulse by burning Fenway Park to the ground. Yeah.
In any event, well played, Theo Epstein. His next Mike Judge-based reference, in light of the fact that he is now in charge of the Cubs, should probably come from one of his other films, Idiocracy.
[video via]
Haha! Perhaps it will be said one day that Terrell Owens’ impressive NFL career ended not with a bang, but a whimper after it has been reported that no NFL teams were on hand when the enigmatic wide receiver showed up for his workout which was aired by NFL Network.
From a report by NFL.com’s Steve Wyche:
As of 20 minutes before the start of his 11 a.m. PT workout, no teams were present. Owens’ training staff and representation are aware that teams might not attend, so they have a film crew taping the workout and will send it to all 32 teams, Rosenhaus said.
One general manager I spoke to said his team has no interest in Owens and doesn’t believe many teams would, but he added that he has felt this way about Owens before and the receiver keeps finding work.
Owens’ workout includes a scripted agility session and pass-catching drills, led by noted Bay Area trainer Raymond Farris. Farris told me that there are no plans for Owens to run a 40-yard dash or other timed drills. If a team shows and requests that he runs them, however, “Owens is ready,” Farris said.
I’m sure he is ready, so we should all get our popcorn ready or something, right?
But before we dance on Owens’ NFL career grave, it should be highlighted, as alluded to above, that the NFL Network crew also has stated that the non-appearance by scouts could be simply an example of gamesmanship by teams as they would prefer not to tip their hands regarding their possible interest in the wide receiver, who is attempting to come back after offseason surgery.
No matter which way you cut it, though, there is a bit of schadenfreude to the entire scene, isn’t there? I’d love to see someone ask Rosenhaus about the absence of teams at his client’s workout, although he’d like only respond with a series of terse restorts of “Next question”.
[H/T Game On!]
(Video) OMG!! Tony Romo’s Wife Is Pregnant!
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According to a tweet from Dallas’ WFAA-TV’s David Schechter, Tony Romo has just announced that Candice Crawford, the darling wife of Dallas Cowboys quarterback, is now with child.
Video follows:
You can tell he’s really focusing on the action on the field because he makes sure to inform viewers of the ball carrier’s progress down the field in tidy, 5-yard increments (45, 40, 35, 30, 25, 20, 15, 10, 5, TOUCHDOOOOOWWWWWNN!!).
There is much for information regarding this Georgia high school football game other than it involved teams from Norcross and Mill Creek, but in then end, none of the details are important as far as this discussion is concerned. The only thing that matters here is the simple enjoyment of listening to this guy ply his trade and work his craft. There is no doubt this guy has mad announcing skills and only needs that one fortuitous opportunity in order to have his talents properly showcased. Then, before you know it, he would make it big and put his own unique stamp on the world of sports broadcasting. Obviously, he’s hungry and his enthusiasm is contagious. His counterpart even appeared to try to get in on the histrionic outbursts. When he could get a word in edgewise.
[H/T Awful Announcing]
Two luminaries from the world of San Francisco professional sports issued their ringing endorsements for who they’ll be voting for in the upcoming San Francisco mayoral election on Nov. 8. That’s right, it’s ex-San Francisco 49er (and NFL Hall of Famer) Ronnie Lott and San Francisco Giants oddball closer, Brian Wilson, letting their voices be heard. Oh, and did I mention said mayoral campaign video for candidate Ed Lee (who rocks an epic mustache, by the way) is a take on the MC Hammer classic, “2 Legit 2 Quit” and that MC Hammer himself makes a cameo in it as well? Weird, wild stuff.
But such an odd song to pick to use as a theme for a campaign for mayor, but oh well. And yes, I am aware of the fact that Hammer is still a much beloved personality in the Bay Area, but come on, we’re talking about “2 Legit to Quit” here. I am sure there were plenty of other musicians that have a connection to the great city of San Francisco who would have been honored to take part in the “Ed Lee for Mayor” movement. Huey Lewis & The News, perhaps. “Do You Believe In Lee?”, “The Power of Ed.” Really, the possibilities are endless given their extensive catalog. And crap, let’s face it: Huey and the boys could use some love these days. I guess the same could be said for Hammer.
Sobering statistic: 4 out of 5 serious injuries sustained during animated Dizzy Bat shenanigans are the direct result of dizziness.
Even more troubling: 5 out of 5 injuries sustained during animated Dizzy Bat shenanigans are the direct result of drunkenness, but that little factoid is pretty much a no-brainer.
Also, the increased inebriated state of a Dizzy Bat participant directly correlates with enhanced enjoyment for the viewer when watching a bat drill some random guy in the head. Ha. It’s funny because it didn’t happen to us.
[H/T Sports Pickle]
With the announcement that Theo Epstein will officially take the helm of the Chicago Cubs now merely a formality and something that will occur at a press conference tentatively scheduled for 12:00 ET Tuesday, the folks running Wrigley Field’s famed marquee did their part to welcome the Next Great Hope and the man whose formidable task will be to resurrect the woeful franchise and deliver World Series glory to a fan base and organization who have waited far too long for their dreams to be realized.
With that in mind, it’s a shame that because of the space restraints of the antiquated marquee that Cubs personnel couldn’t fit the entirety of what should have been their welcoming message to Theo Epstein. You know, something along the lines of, “CUBS WELCOME THEO EPSTEIN (AND GOOD LUCK WITH ALL THAT).”
[image via]
Dear Lord. It’s so realistic. And quite disturbing. Well, perhaps “so realistic” might be a bit of a stretch — not that Wax Sculpture Alexander Ovechkin isn’t a mighty fine waxen representation of the Washington Capitals superstar– it’s just that, I don’t know, there’s something about it that is queerly unnatural. Like in a Invasion of the Body Snatchers kind of way. One cool thing about Wax Ovie is when Madame Tussaud’s is done with the Alexander Ovechkin Wax Figure, they can simply change it out of the Capitals uniform, put on some animal skins and transfer it to the Smithsonian for use in the museum’s “Evolution of Prehistoric Man” exhibit.
Be that as it may, Ovie’s wax figure was officially unveiled at Madame Tussaud’s Washington D.C. museum on Monday and Ovechkin himself was on-hand to marvel at his wax doppelganger. As you may recall, this isn’t the first time Wax Alex has been featured here at the Sportress, as we made mention of the disturbing qualities of the then-unfinished Ovie head last month, but to see the finished product truly ties everything together in one hauntingly mesmerizing bow.
Video of the ceremony follows.
Wait. What? Sorry, but the sign that was displayed by an unidentified zinger-challenged Jacksonville Jaguars fan during Monday Night Football is pretty dumb. And believe me, I know dumb.
I suppose a sign like this making an appearance during last night’s broadcast makes perfect sense considering the terrible football exhibited by both teams, but still. I guess the statement could be true, but is it really that much of a zinger? Or even a burn, for that matter? Yes, a bird — although I’m not sure Ravens do and I’m not going to waste my time to confirm it one way or the other — might in fact eat worms, but what does that even mean? If a Baltimore Ravens fan held up a sign that said “Jaguars clean themselves with their tongues” would that be as witty, less witty or just as stupid?
Maybe if the sign read “Ravens fans eat worms” that might be something that rises to the level of cheap shot, but as with the original sign above, it wouldn’t have made any sense, either.
Fail.
[via Darren Rovell]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• If you thought the influx of illegal drugs making its way into the United States was bad, wait until you hear about the latest threat to our domestic security: a New Mexico resident was busted at the border attempting to smuggle 76 pounds of bologna into the country which was hidden in his pickup truck’s spare tire. Border patrol grew suspicious when, after asking his name, the man replied, “My bologna has a first name, it’s O-S-C-A-R.” [az central]
• Is the NBA lockout entirely the fault of Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert? [With Leather]
• Here’s the entire transcript of Tony La Russa’s bullpen fiasco explanation. [Big League Stew]
• And just so you know, La Russa is still smarter than all of us. [Rumors & Rants]
• One last La Russa-based nugget: his wife called the World Series “The Redbirds vs. The Rednecks.” [Busted Coverage]
• Arizona has made girls beach volleyball a high school sport. [Off the Bench]
• Ouch: Chris Pronger took a stick in the eye. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Dophins coach Tony Sparano to referee: “Now I’m getting fired.” [Shutdown Corner]
• Peter King: still a complete tool. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• The “Rally Squirrel Rap” is something else. [Outside the Boxscore]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Andy Reid Asks Sean Payton If He Is Going To Eat His Torn MCL
Yep. There you go. Apparently, desperately trying to procure tickets for Buffalo’s lone game in Toronto, the Oct. 30 matchup against the Washington Redskins, is a dirty business.
From Canadian Yahoo! Sports blog, Eh Game (via Shutdown Corner):
Sometimes it takes quite a bit of preamble to set up a clip. This is not one of those times. Kingston, Ont., radio station K-Rock 105.7 held a contest on Friday where listeners, wearing goggles and surgical masks, dug through buffalo feces dumped into a kiddie pool — yeah, that’s right, buffalo feces — to win Buffalo Bills tickets. Faster than you could say, “S—, there has not been this much demand for tickets to the Bills in Toronto games!” contestants dug through the dung for ducats.
Ha. Gross.
Ontario football fans dig through buffalo dung for Bills tickets [Eh Game (via Shutdown Corner]
Far out. And quite pretty. The new, colorful exterior lighting for the home of the New Orleans Saints — now, thanks to a new naming deal, is called the Mercedes-Benz Superdome — was unveiled Thursday night and I have to say I’m quite impressed.
Via NOLA.com:
Mercedes-Benz Superdome officials flipped the switch on a new LED lighting system Thursday, illuminating the outside of the 36-year iconic stadium in a spectrum of animated colors and images. New Orleans Saints owner Tom Benson, Superdome commission Chairman Ron Forman and SMG Senior Vice President Doug Thornton hosted a free-to-the-public lighting ceremony to showcase the capabilities of the $1.6 million permanent system that is set to a musical soundtrack.
Fantastic. You can check out a great photo gallery from the ceremony featuring many breathtaking pictures taken from all angles of the lit-up Superdome here. The impression I was left with after viewing the gallery was how great it will be for all the Saints fans in New Orleans when they first come upon the Superdome in all its new wonder and splendor while driving in all their Mercedes.
What?
Superdome shining in different light as new LED system is unveiled [NOLA.com]
It’s another Tebownian Miracle!
An enterprising pumpkin artist in the Denver area is willing to part with the above Tim Tebow Jack-o’-lantern for the tidy sum of $75. According to the post the creator of this graven pumpkin put up on Craigslist, it has about a week of life in it. Given that today is the 21st, that means the Tim Tebow Jack-o’-lantern will be no more come the 28th. But have no fear, given the subject, my guess is after three days, the pumpkin will rise again, just in time for Halloween.
[H/T Goal Line Stand]
As the folks at Sports Grid mention, this video has been around a few years and since it’s new to me, it might very well be new to you. In the video of a game between the Shamokin Indians and Pottsville’s A-Team — wherever those locales may be, but given the city’s names, perhaps Pennsylvania? — a gargantuan running back takes a hand-off and proceeds to rumble his way around the right side on a sweep. Unfortunately for some poor kid on defense who looks like he gives up about 100 pounds on his opponent, the huge back’s momentum and running path are bearing down directly at him. The next thing you know — BLAM-O! — pee wee player is absolutely obliterated while trying to make the play.
Now, I’ll give him credit for the effort, but even so, I haven’t seen a rundown that brutally lopsided since the closing scene of the original version of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
Ha. Caught you off-guard with that old school reference, eh? Sure, I could have instead went with when Gage was run down by that semi in Pet Sematary, but I couldn’t find as compelling of footage of that scene on YouTube.
"Take a knee, Dez, and pick up that dictionary"
Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Dez Bryant, appearing on an episode of FS Southwest’s Inside the Huddle program, had this to say about the invincibility of the 2-3 Dallas Cowboys team of which he is a member when asked about his personal goals and the state of America’s Team (via The Dallas Morning News):
“I like to keep my personal goals to myself. As far as the team, I like our chances. I feel like, it may sound crazy, I think we are unbeatable. I think the losses, we lost those games ourselves. I feel like once we get back in that meeting room and regroup, and we learn from our mistakes, the sky’s the limit.”
Alright. Granted, he did clarify his “unbeatable” assessment of the Cowboys with the oft-used “we lost the games ourselves” line of bullcrap which has to be one of the biggest and most tired cliches athletes use now to explain why their team is struggling. It does sound crazy, Dez Bryant. If you want to win those games you lose because your team is so damn unbeatable, here’s a novel concept: STOP COMING UP WITH LAME EXCUSES AND JUST WIN THE GAMES!
Dez Bryant speaks out: Cowboys are ‘unbeatable’; NFL easier than Big 12 [The Dallas Morning News]
